


Everything Else Seems So Small

by cerridwennn



Series: Love Is All That Matters After All [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F, Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-09-26
Packaged: 2017-11-07 06:05:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 82,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerridwennn/pseuds/cerridwennn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While one confesses love, the other, not knowing what it means to truly love someone, fights against it. How do you break down walls that have been standing for so long and how do you stop new ones from forming?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

" _Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue."_

_-Hermione Gingold_

For four days he'd been mercilessly trying to beat her into submission and for four days she'd been fighting against him. Unfortunately, she didn't know how much fight she had left in her. Her wrists were bloody from pulling against rope ties on day one. Her ribs were swollen and bruised from being kicked on day two. Her knees were caked with blood and dirt from being thrown across the barn floor on day three. And the clothes she wore were ripped and tattered, providing no comfort from the plummeting temperatures of the late night October air. She shivered inwardly, wrapping her arms tightly around her own body hoping to warm her nearly frozen core.

The creak of the barn door caused her head to snap up in the direction of the burly man that stepped through it. His left eye glared at her through a partly closed lid. She'd gotten one good shot in this morning before he'd shoved her into the wall, creating a gash over her perfectly sculpted brow. The sound of his boots echoed off of the solid ground as he marched towards her, chains in hand. She felt her heart speed up, but refused to let any fear be portrayed in her eyes. She'd seen what he'd done to the other women he'd kidnapped and she couldn't… wouldn't let that be her. She wasn't about to be another statistic.

"I'm done playing nice, blondie," the man chuckled, swinging the chains sadistically in his left hand.

She glowered at him while taking a few deep breaths, preparing herself for the fight that would ensue mere moments from now. She'd barely had time to gather her thoughts before he charged towards her. Her right foot connected with his gut, but that barely even caused him to stumble. She used every move she'd acquired in attempt to break free from the grizzly bear of a man that towered above her as he shoved her further into the corner.

As soon as she felt the heavy metal chains wrap around her neck, she knew she was done for. He pushed her body to the ground before ripping open the remaining four snaps on her white button-up, his eyes growing hungry as the buttons clattered across the concrete floor. Her hands scratched at his face, screams of rage and panic pouring from her lips as the edges of her world began to darken. The last thing she felt were his massive hands pulling down the zipper of her black-denim jeans.

She awoke to the sun shining through the top window of the barn. Her body trembled and ached as she tried desperately to yank her jeans back over her bruised hips. Visions of last night pulsed through her mind. She felt a shudder slink up her spine as she held back the urge to regurgitate, remembering what it felt like to have her captor inside of her.

Lifting herself up off the ground, she leaned against the wall as she assessed the damage to her pale skin. She gasped as she noticed a tell-tale hickey forming just above her right breast and deep purple finger prints surfacing on her abdomen. Taking a step away from the wall, she felt her knees buckle beneath her before catching herself with her hands. A slow sting burned through her wrists as she heard a low laugh emanate from somewhere in front of her.

She didn't need to look up, recognizing the menacing chuckle from the night before. Angling her head just slightly, she caught sight of the blade gripped in his hand; a sure sign that this would be a fight to the death.

* * *

The BAU vehicles came to a halt in front of a worn-down Victorian style home. Agent Prentiss jumped out of the SUV, weapon drawn, before following Hotch's instructions to begin canvassing the area. According to Garcia, there were three structures scattered along the property: the beaten-down house, an old storage shed and a decaying barn. Watching Morgan head in the direction of the shed, Emily made her way to the back of the estate en route to the barn. Keeping a steady eye, she followed the trail that wound only a few hundred feet before the ominous building with it's peeling red paint came into view. Her heart began to beat with a ferocity she was sure meant that it was going to come straight out of her chest. This had to be where the monster was imprisoning her.

The density of the surrounding trees caused the sun to cast an eerie glow upon the rickety barn and Emily's heart jumped slightly as she saw a figure exiting it through a small door off to the right side. "FBI!" she shouted, her gun pointing suspiciously at the person walking towards her. She watched as the person raised their arms weakly in the air. Squinting and allowing her eyes to adjust, she breathed out a sigh of relief as she realized that it wasn't Mitchell Hagin, their unsub.

"I've found her. Head to the barn," she said, her shaky voice reverberating through her own earpiece.

"On my way princess," Morgan replied.

"Send a medic," Emily added before breaking into a dead sprint as she noticed blood oozing from one of the delirious woman's up-stretched arms. She made it to her just in time to catch the victim mid-stumble, her arms wrapping gently around the small woman's frame. "You're safe now."

"I knew you'd find me," the blonde said through raspy breaths before leaning up and pulling the agent that held her into a meek kiss that begged for solidification.

Disoriented and confused, Emily took a step back, still supporting the tiny woman's weight in the crook of her elbows. "I need to know where Hagin is," she whispered, a hint of desperation lingering in her voice as she took in the blonde's disgruntled appearance. Dirt and blood streaked her entire body while her torn shirt hung raggedly across her shoulders. Only one of her bra straps remained intact and Emily felt the ache in her heart begin to swell within her as she noted the missing button from the woman's jeans, her zipper pulled up only slightly. Averting her brown eyes, she cringed and held back tears, unwilling to imagine what kind of torture the woman before her had endured, before asking once again where Hagin was.

A sigh escaped parted lips as tired blue eyes stared up at Emily. "I stabbed him," JJ stated.

* * *

" _It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."_

_-Author Unknown_

Emily readjusted herself in the vinyl hospital chair once again. Whoever designed those damn things must have had ulterior motives because after only one night of sleeping on one, you more than likely needed a hospital stay yourself. Cracking her back in one swift move, she turned her attention to the blonde that lay sleeping in the hospital bed next to her. JJ's small body was plastered with cuts and bruises, a steady of stream of antibiotics running through an IV and into her veins, protecting her against any possible infections. The doctor had informed the BAU team of her condition, letting them know that Agent Jareau's body had sustained multiple fractures, including one to her skull. Among the worst of her injuries was an oblique tear, a deep cut running the length of her left forearm, and substantial bruising to her inner thighs. Emily had winced, fighting against the brim of tears, when the team had been told that the rape kit on JJ had come back positive. She knew that they'd all assumed it, due to the comparison against Hagin's other victims, but having it confirmed caused looks of horror and anger to develop on all of their faces.

A short yell escaped JJ's lips before her crystal blue eyes jolted open. Emily was at her side in seconds, her hand resting softly on the younger woman's shoulder. "Jayje, everything's okay," Emily practically whispered. "You're in the hospital." JJ had been in and out of various stages of consciousness since they'd brought her in yesterday, and Emily couldn't be sure that the fair-haired liaison remembered being ushered in on a gurney at all.

Brown eyes searched blue for any sign of recollection. She almost spoke before the sound of JJ's groggy voice cut through her thoughts. "Did I lose a lot of blood… from this cut?" JJ questioned, looking down at the stitches lining her arm. "I remember it all, Em. I remember too much." It took everything Emily had in her to hold herself together as tears streamed down JJ's beautiful cheeks. Not knowing what to say or how to offer solace to her broken friend, Emily simply took JJ's hand in her own and squeezed.

After a few minutes, JJ's quiet sobs dissipated and she stared up into Emily's dark welcoming eyes. "I love you Emily," she admitted.

"I love you too, Jayje," Emily replied while forcing a smile. She knew platonic love was not what the younger agent had meant, but this really wasn't the time or the place to delve into the conversation. Hell, she couldn't imagine when the right time or where the right place would be.

But JJ wasn't going to let this be dropped. "I don't think you mean it the same way I do," JJ sighed, her voice cracking evidently. Emily started to interrupt, but was stopped abruptly as JJ's hand clutched tighter around her own. "Just listen for once," JJ pleaded as she took a deep breath, trying her best to organize her thoughts. "I was awake last night when you were crying. And it may be presumptuous to assume that those tears were for me, but I can't stop myself from thinking that they were. I've seen the way you look at me and it took me awhile to realize why the thoughts behind your breathtaking eyes seemed so familiar. It's the same way I look at you. You're all I think about, Emily. I've tried desperately to stop the ache I feel every time you walk out of the room and to prevent the butterflies in my stomach every time you brush against me, but I can't. Every day that I was trapped there and every time," she paused, fighting against painful memories, "every time I thought he was going to kill me just like he did those other women, the only thought I had was about how much I regretted not telling you how I feel. That I didn't have the courage to tell you how much you mean to me."

JJ stopped, not knowing how to continue or what else she could say that would help break down those famous Emily Prentiss walls. Tears shimmered in her bright blue eyes and she felt the sting of them as she willed them not to fall. Her efforts were to no avail as each one began to slip silently down her flawless skin, landing softly on the blanket across her lap. "Please say something," she whimpered.

Emily sat stone faced, her hand still clasped in JJ's as she wrestled with the turmoil of emotions that crashed like dangerous waves inside of her. She couldn't do this now; not here. She knew she loved Jennifer Jareau, but did she love her in that 'can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach for the stars, over-the-fence, World Series' kind of way? She'd spent so many years holding her feelings captive inside of her that she no longer knew what it truly meant to feel. She didn't know how to differentiate loving someone from being in love with someone.

She closed her chocolate brown eyes, hoping that she would be able to articulate what she needed to say and have it convey how she really felt about the woman that lay in front of her. But before she could even open her mouth there was a knock at the door, followed shortly by JJ's doctor peeking in and stepping through.

"Hello again Agent Prentiss," he said dryly as he checked a few things on the different monitors that surrounded JJ. He could tell by the lingering tension in the room that he'd interrupted something, but he was a busy man and JJ was the first name on a list of many. "If you don't mind, I have a few things to discuss with Jennifer."

Emily simply nodded before standing up and removing her hand from JJ's. "I could use some coffee anyway," she smiled, quickly exiting the room, not wanting to witness the disappointment she knew would be etched across every line of the younger woman's face.

* * *

" _Most people have a harder time letting themselves love than finding someone to love them."_

_-Bill Russell_

JJ could hear the papers stop shuffling as she walked into the bullpen. Exhaustion was portrayed across every inch of her face and her body ached from the numerous cuts and bruises. She knew that the team was staring at her as she began to ascend the stairs to her office, trying her best to ignore the looks and make it through her office door before Hotch knew that she was there.

"Agent Jareau!" Too late. She stopped mid-step before turning to face the BAU's Unit Chief. "You were just released from the hospital yesterday," Hotch stated, emphasizing the last word. "Obviously, you've yet to be cleared for work."

"There are just a few things I need to get from my office," JJ lied. In truth, she couldn't spend another minute sitting on her couch watching daytime TV or flipping through Cosmopolitan, all while simultaneously thinking about the object of her desire, Emily Prentiss.

"You have 30 minutes JJ. Otherwise, I'll personally have you escorted out of the building. Understand?" Hotch said, knowing that it wouldn't come to that. JJ was, if anything, a rule follower… most of the time at least.

The fair-haired agent nodded in frustration before continuing up the stairs and unlocking the door to her office. A few moments later, everyone noticed all the blinds being wrenched shut, a warning that they all knew too well; 'Don't even consider opening that damn door. I'm busy.'

JJ rested her head on one of the stacks of files that cluttered her infamously disorganized desk. She honestly didn't know why she'd left the comfort of her couch and come up to the BAU office. Stupidly, she'd assumed that seeing her long-tressed brunette co-worker would curve the itch she felt, but that now was just a fruitless thought. Blue eyes had locked with brown when she walked into the bullpen minutes earlier and she could easily feel the tension that lingered between them, having not spoken since the episode in JJ's hospital room.

Garcia had offered to drive JJ home after she'd been released the day before, later informing her young friend that she would be setting up camp in her guestroom. Too tired to argue, JJ had simply let her head rest against the couch cushions, no longer fighting the tears that fell in a steady rhythm down her cheeks. Penelope had tried her damnedest to comfort her best friend, but she didn't realize that JJ's tears had nothing to do with Hagin and everything to do with Emily.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Agent Jareau heard a knock on her office door. "You've got to be kidding," she thought. Was Hotch really coming up her to have her escorted out? "It's only been 10 minutes!" she yelled through the closed door as she shuffled papers around, trying to sound busy. A few moments later she heard a click before one of her co-workers stepped into her muddled office. Not even glancing up from the file in her hand, JJ sighed, "I'm going to be leaving soon. What do you need?"

"I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away." JJ's breath hitched in her throat as the sultry silken voice floated through the room. She looked up as the raven-haired beauty took the seat on the opposite side of her desk. "Jayje, you haven't even been cleared for desk work yet," Emily said, her words full of concern.

"I couldn't handle another minute of Days of Our Lives or Ellen, which is surprising because I love Ellen." JJ's voice held a casual tone, but Emily could tell that the blonde was full of nerves as she watched her search aimlessly through the copious amount of papers and files littering her desk.

The older woman was about to say something before being snapped from the words that were forming in her mind as a pile of folders fell to the floor alongside JJ's desk.

"Shit," JJ muttered as she struggled with her injuries, trying to clean up the mess.

"Let me help you," Emily said as she knelt on the carpet beside JJ to swoop up the pile.

"Emily, just stop!" JJ cried in exasperation. "What are you even doing in here?" Her voice leveled out as she sat back on her heels.

Not knowing what to say, the Emily simply leaned forward and captured the younger woman's plush lips with her own.

* * *

Garcia spun around in her office chair, surrounded by all of her babies, as she daydreamed about her dinner with Kevin that would be taking place later that evening. A smile formed on her face before she halted her chair mid-spin, the grin turning into a look of shock. The monitor in front of her showed the feed from JJ's office and she had to clean off her quirky glasses in order to make sure that what she was seeing was real. A smirk replaced the look of alarm as she watched Emily and JJ kiss, their hands tangling in each other's hair. "Ah, young love," she giggled to herself before she was alerted by something in her peripheral vision. "Oh sugar."

* * *

" _Some women can't say the word lesbian… even when their mouth is full of one."_

_-Kate Clinton_

JJ's fingers were fumbling with the buttons on Emily's shirt as the older woman's hands snaked up JJ's skirt and caressed her thighs. JJ moaned as Emily's lips trailed kisses along her neckline, "Mmm… Em." The desire between them was unmistakable as hands and lips continued to roam over one another's bodies. JJ was yanked out of her reverie a few seconds after Emily's teeth nipped at the pulse point along her neck by the ringing of her phone. The women split apart as if they'd been struck by lightening before JJ stood up and straightened her deep purple pencil skirt.

"Jareau," she breathed into the phone, trying to steady her voice.

"Listen up Goldilocks," Garcia started, "I'll berate you later for not telling me about the love affair between you and Agent Legs in there, but I called to let you know that Papa Bear is on his way up for a visit." JJ's eyes grew wide as she realized how stupid she and Emily had been to forget about the security cameras. "Thank me later gorgeous. And tell Emily I like her bra. Garcia out."

JJ frantically began to tidy up her office and herself as she told Emily that Hotch would be up any second. "Button up your top," she husked to the brunette as she tried to calm the desire that burned inside of her. She couldn't remember ever wanting anyone as much as she wanted Emily.

The frenzied pair finished straightening up just in time. They each sat in the chairs they'd inhabited earlier as they heard a rap on the door. "Come in," JJ said calmly while motioning for Emily to fix her hair.

Hotch stepped through the door to JJ's office with a serious look on his face. He didn't appear at all concerned with the fact that Emily was sitting there looking slightly guilty. "JJ, it's been 30 minutes. You really need to go home. Your evals are Monday so you only have a few days to rest up," the Unit Chief said matter-of-factly. "Emily, I need you downstairs. Everyone's paperwork has to be finished before we're all free to go home for an extended weekend."

"Yes sir," Emily responded before standing to leave the too-crowded office. "See ya later Jayje."

Hotch glared at JJ as she ruffled through some things on her desk. "Agent Jareau," he said in a threatening manner.

The blonde stared up at him with stunning blue eyes and smiled, "Five more minutes?"

The man's demeanor softened as he took in JJ's light-hearted request. "We got everything we needed from you yesterday. Don't make me send up escorts," Hotch said with a grin that tugged at the corners of his eyes. "Five more minutes."

Ten minutes later, JJ was walking down the stairs toward the bullpen after locking up her office. Her mind was racing with thoughts of what had just transpired with Emily. She bit her bottom lip, savoring the way the brunette's mouth had felt against her own. Her legs trembled, remembering the way Emily's delicate fingers had danced along her skin. Once again, her cell phone yanked her back to reality. "Jareau," she snapped in annoyance.

"Get your sexy blonde butt in here, stat," Garcia's bubbly voice poured out of the phone.

"Pen, I have been ordered to leave the building."

"Lies. All lies. You've been informed that you weren't yet cleared for work. My chocolate Adonis gave me the skinny. And don't worry… your indiscretion with our older co-worker is safe with me."

Emily noticed JJ roll her eyes as she hung up her cell phone. Those eyes, those sapphire orbs, were mesmerizing. She felt her heart clench in her chest as her thoughts traveled back to the way JJ's eyes had fluttered open and closed as Emily's tongue traced the length of her collarbone. She loved knowing how JJ's mouth tasted and her desire to taste more of the young blonde was insatiable. She wanted to memorize every scent, every flavor, every inch of JJ's skin…

"You okay over there, princess?" Morgan's voice caught Emily's attention as she came hurtling back to the here-and-now. "Thinking about JJ?" he asked. If Morgan noticed the way Emily's eyes widened, he didn't say anything. "I hate the fact that Hagin survived after what he did to JJ as much as you do, but he'll spend the rest of his life rotting behind bars. So don't spend too much time worrying about it. She's tough."

Emily just nodded, relief playing across her features when she realized that she'd dodged a bullet with Derek.

* * *

JJ walked into Garcia's office, plopping down on the desk in front of her best friend.

"Careful!" the technical analyst scolded. "You almost knocked that gorgeous butt into my baby here. Do you think perhaps you'd prefer a chair?"

"No thanks," JJ said before scooting a few inches away from the monitor that was in front of Garcia. She crossed her legs before resting her elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand. A puff of air escaped her mouth, blowing a few strands of hair out of her face.

"Alright, spill," Garcia said with an all-knowing look on her face.

JJ knew there was no getting out of this. With her best friend being the 'oracle of knowledge' that she was, she'd figure it all out eventually. "I don't even know where to start," JJ whined, running a hand through her silken hair.

"Try the beginning," Penelope encouraged.

After JJ had walked Garcia through the whole story, all the way up to Emily just coming into her office and laying one on her, the eccentric blonde let out a squeal and clapped her hands together, "I'm surprised that our excellent team of profilers hasn't caught on to any signs yet. Not even I, the all-knowing goddess, saw this beautiful love affair blooming on the horizon.

"How can you be sure no one knows anything?" JJ questioned.

"Puh-lease darling," Garcia dragged out the words. "My hunky dark-skinned Jason Bourne can't keep anything from me. If he knew, I'd know. The only question now is, what are you going to do about Ms. Prentiss?"

" _You block your dreams when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith."_

_-Mary Manin Morrissey_


	2. Chapter 2

_"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."_

_-Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh_

JJ pulled her white Nissan Murano up outside of the apartments and cut the engine. An action as simple as closing the car door caused her to wince in pain. Her doctor had told her that every task could turn into an obstacle and that it would take both persistence, and patience, to make it through.

She left two knocks on the solid door before opening it and walking inside. She could hear laughter coming from down the hall and she smiled as she made her way towards the beautiful noise.

"You know, it's not really safe to leave your front door unlocked," JJ said with a smirk as she stared at the man and little boy in front of her.

"Mommy!" Henry yelled as he leapt from his father's arms and ran to his mother.

"Hey buddy," she smiled, ruffling his shaggy hair.

"Pick me up!" the three year old squealed, jumping up and down, arms outstretched.

"Now you know mama can't do that little man," Will chuckled in his southern accent as he grabbed his son around the waist and pulled him towards him. JJ took a step further into the room before sitting among all the toys on the floor. "I knew when you told me you were going in today that they wouldn't let you stay long."

"Yeah, Hotch sure put a damper on my day. I hate feeling useless," JJ sighed as Henry crawled into her lap, careful not to jostle her too much.

"When can I come home?" the little boy asked his mother, staring up at her with cerulean eyes that matched her own. JJ could see the hurt etched across Will's face as soon as the words left Henry's mouth. She and Will had only been separated a month before she'd been kidnapped by Hagin. It had crushed her when she had finally realized that she didn't love Will, but she couldn't keep trying in hopes that her feelings would change. She owed him that much and she knew the difference between her love for Will and being head-over-heels in love with Emily.

"Hopefully by next week you'll get to come back to mommy's house," JJ explained to her son. "We have to wait until I'm strong enough to carry you around all by myself." She placed a soft kiss on top of his blond head before he scooted out of her arms and went back to playing with his cars. She and Will had tried explaining to Henry that he had two homes now, but the concept was too much for him to grasp. "He'll get it one day," she encouraged, looking over at her sullen ex.

"Everything about him reminds me of you," Will whispered. "The way he looks, the way he smells, the way he laughs, even the way he has to do something over and over again until it works. He's strong willed and stubborn, just like you."

"Will, I…" JJ paused, not knowing what to say. She'd done everything to stay close with Will, to have a good relationship with Henry's father, but sometimes, when Will started acting all sentimental, she couldn't help but feel selfish. She often found herself thinking that Will's life would be easier if he hated her, if he could stop bringing up how much he loved her. "I can't keep apologizing, Will. I only have so much left in me. I wish all the time that I felt differently. You're the one I want to want… unfortunately, that wanting doesn't change anything. I love you because you're Henry's father, because you gave him to me, but that's it. While I spent this past week fighting for my life, Henry and…" JJ stumbled over her words when she realized that she'd almost let it slip to Will that she spent an equal amount of time thinking about Emily. "Henry was on my mind constantly, and I sorry but you just weren't."

Will looked over at his son, his son that resembled Jennifer Jareau in so many ways, who was obliviously still playing with his multitude of trucks and Hot Wheels cars. "He's the only part of you that I will ever have. No matter what happens, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop loving you," he said as he stood up and then bent down slightly to place a light kiss on JJ's lips. "I'm going to start making dinner. You're welcome to stay if you'd like." He stopped once again before walking out of his son's bedroom. "And JJ, when you find the one person that you can't live without, the one that you love as much as they love you, don't ever let them go. You deserve to be happy."

A single tear slid down JJ's cheek as she watched the man who loved her walk away.

* * *

" _The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you."_

_-Brenda Ueland_

Emily downed her second glass of Moscato as she slumped lazily on her black leather couch, trying unsuccessfully to convince herself that the only thing running through her veins when she'd kissed JJ were her hormones- lots and lots of hormones. The only reason she'd caressed the blonde's tongue with her own was because it'd been a really long time since she'd been kissed by someone. And God, she'd never been kissed like that.

She felt a heat emanate from low in her belly as she tried ineffectively to push thoughts of JJ from her mind. She shouldn't feel this way about the blonde-haired, blue-eyed media liaison, but she couldn't control it. She'd experimented with a few girls at Yale and even tried dating one of them, but that simmered down to nothing in less than a month.

Trailing a finger along the edge of her wine glass, Emily wondered once again how she was going to handle the situation with JJ. What if everything became even more screwed up? She couldn't handle losing one of her closest friends simply because their bodies were overrun with hormones. And that's all it was; too many useless emotions mixed with not getting laid in a really long time.

Grabbing the keys to her sleek black Lexus, she made her way out the front door of her condo. Someway, somehow, she was going to get rid of those pesky hormones… at least for the night.

* * *

Opening the door to one of their favorite hangouts, she was blasted with the sound of a group of drunken adults singing terribly off key. Now she remembered why the three musketeers- Garcia's cutesy name for their trio- didn't come here on Thursday nights. Damn karaoke.

Ignoring the out of tune bunch, she made her way to the bar. Pete, the flaming gay bartender, smiled in her direction before pulling a beer from one of the coolers.

"I didn't know it was girl's night. Where are the other stooges?" Pete laughed as he slid the beer in her direction.

"Just me tonight," she sighed as she took a sip.

The bartender nodded in understanding as he wiped his hands on his florescent green v-neck shirt. He looked around the bar before turning and grinning back at her. "Apparently tonight it's the dynamic duo instead," he said, pointing at the woman who'd just walked through the door.

The blonde felt her heart skip a beat when she caught sight of Emily. She wasn't sure where they stood following their earlier encounter and she was wrestling with the idea of calling her co-worker over or ignoring her completely. The latter definitely didn't seem too promising. But she didn't have time to make a decision before brown eyes locked with blue.

Emily closed her eyes momentarily; she was definitely turning into a light weight if after only two drinking she was imagining that she saw JJ everywhere. Opening her eyes again, she realized that she wasn't hallucinating. Taking a few deep breaths, she strolled over to her fair-haired co-worker.

"Hey," Emily said hesitantly as Pete handed her a beer. "Thanks." She grinned at the bartender as he walked away before pulling up a barstool for herself.

"Hey yourself," JJ replied as she picked at the label on her beer bottle.

"How's Henry?"

"Confused. Slightly upset that he can't come home." She paused before correcting herself. "Back to my house. I still have to get used to saying that. Will practically had to pry him off of me just so I could make it out the door. Then Henry started bawling which of course made me cry. It's definitely been a hell of a day."

"You can say that again," Emily heaved, taking a small sip of her Michelob Ultra. "Lucky for us, we have a three day weekend to spend recuperating. You think you'll be ready for your evals Monday?"

"It's just a few bumps and bruises. I'll be fine." JJ ran a hand through her silken hair. She was growing impatient with the small talk, but didn't know how to bring up what had happened between them.

Emily watched her friend twirl a strand of her golden locks. She'd give anything to touch those soft tresses again, to gaze deeply into those cobalt eyes every morning, to kiss those plush lips whenever she wanted. Something clicked in her right then as she admitted to herself that she wanted Jennifer Jareau. She'd wanted her from the moment she'd laid eyes on her and she wanted her forever.

"I really don't want this to sound like a cheesy pick up line," Emily stated, "but let's get out of here."

* * *

Emily parked outside of JJ's house to find the blonde sitting on the porch swing, two beers in hand. "You know, for someone who owns a Lexus, you sure do drive slowly," JJ laughed as she stood up and walked to the porch steps. "Another beer?"

The brunette gratefully took the drink before leaning against the porch railing. "I definitely think that's new," Emily said, motioning to the porch swing.

"Then that just shows how long it's been since you've visited me." JJ looked over at her co-worker, showing off one of her signature smiles and adding a quick wink. She felt more confident and in control here at her home. "Will put it up not long after Henry was born. He wanted us to sit out here as a family and gaze at the stars. However, Henry has never been much for sitting still and prefers rolling around in the grass singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' rather than relaxing here with me."

"It certainly adds to the white-picket-fence deal you have going, Jayje." Emily took in her surroundings: JJ's slate blue house with the signature red door, the stone walkway leading up to the steps, the mulch and flowers trailing along the wrap-around porch, and the perfect mommy and sexy FBI agent crossover all rolled into one parked in front of the garage. It all screamed 'suburbia' and the only things missing were the 2.5 kids, and the doting husband. JJ had relinquished the last part, and for what- to be with a compartmentalizing woman who lived in a high-rise condo overlooking DC and only had pictures by famous artists hanging on her otherwise bare walls? She watched as JJ took the final drag from her beer before carefully lifting her injured self up to sit on the porch railing.

The blonde's hair whipped easily in the light breeze and the delicious scent of JJ tickled Emily's nose, the perfect mixture of honeysuckles and the ocean. She wanted this life with JJ, but there were so many complications and obstacles: their job-mainly Strauss, her ambassador mother, Henry, Will… and to be honest, she was fucking terrified. She'd spent her entire life running from this, running from feelings, and all that running had led her here; right into the arms of the beautiful Jennifer Jareau.

"I'm sorry I missed your birthday," JJ murmured, her head leaning against one of the support beams. "It's the first time since I've known you that the three musketeers didn't go out and celebrate."

"You had a good reason," Emily answered, not wanting to bring up that fact that JJ had been kidnapped by Hagin not long after the brunette had turned 41. It surprised her how well the media liaison was holding herself together with everything that had happened. "Can I ask you something?"

"I try not to think about it," JJ replied quickly, knowing instinctively what her concerned friend was going to ask. "I ignore the physical pain as much as possible and I haven't spent a lot of time looking in the mirror since I got home. But you know what sucks the most, Em?" The raven-haired woman shook her head even though the question was rhetorical. "I ended up being exactly what I fought against, another statistic. Just another… another rape victim... that survived." JJ's voice cracked as she uttered the last sentence. "That's all everyone will see when they look at me. I'll be the BAU member that got away from Mitchell Hagin, unfortunately I just didn't get away from him soon enough."

"I don't see you that way," Emily stated, placing her hand lightly on JJ's knee.

"And how do you see me, Agent Prentiss?" she inquired, a small smile gracing her flawless face.

Not answering JJ's question, Emily decided to go through with the thoughts that had been formulating in her mind. Taking a deep breath, she moved in front of the stunning woman before stepping between her legs. She laced one hand through JJ's soft hair before pulling her in for a slow deep kiss. This one wasn't like the others. It wasn't hurried or animalistic. Instead, it was filled with hope and sorrow, passion and yearning. It was everything Emily had ever wanted a kiss to be and she wished that it would never end.

JJ was the first to pull away and the dark-haired agent groaned at the loss of contact. "Go away with me," JJ rushed.

"What? Where? When?" Pointless words tumbled out of Emily's mouth as her lust filled chocolate eyes stared up at the blonde.

JJ let out a light-hearted giggle. "Go away with me," she repeated. "This weekend. Tomorrow. My parents own a vacation house in northern Virginia. I want you to go there with me… please."

"Okay. Let's go," Emily smiled, barely containing her excitement, before placing another kiss on JJ's soft lips.

* * *

" _Happiness consists of living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation."_

_-Author Unknown_

"My daddy always said that it was just far enough away from home to be a good vacation spot, but not too far away that he'd have to get on a plane," JJ smiled as the duo pulled up in front of the 1940's log cabin home.

"It's a little far from Pennsylvania though. Dontcha think?" the brunette questioned as she stared up at the two-story house in awe. It was both simple and breathtaking all in one. Emily had lived in some of the most magnificent houses that anyone had ever seen, but they were all stone and cold. The Jareau vacation home oozed with warmth and Emily couldn't wait to go inside.

"It belonged to my dad's parents. My granddaddy even helped build it so that he could be sure it was just the way Grams wanted it," JJ said with a proud grin. "Anyway, after my granddaddy passed away, Grams gave the house to daddy. She couldn't handle living here all alone."

Emily simply smiled as she helped the blonde unload their luggage from JJ's Nissan. The two of them walked the short distance to the front steps while Emily waited patiently for JJ to unlock the door. "The key tends to stick," the younger woman laughed as she swung open the heavy wooden door with a flourish. "Tada!"

Once again, Emily was awestruck. The Jareau's cabin was like no house she'd ever lived in. It was rustic and homey, and dozens of family pictures lined the tables and walls. One photo in particular caught her attention as she took a step towards it.

"That was taken only a few months after Ashley was born," JJ said as she noticed Emily staring.

"You have a sister?" The girl that lay beside JJ in the photograph could almost pass for her twin. There was a small redheaded baby cradled in JJ's arms as her sister rested her head on the younger blonde's shoulder.

"I had a sister," JJ mumbled quietly. Normally she always steered clear of this particular topic, but for some reason she wanted Emily to know. She wanted Emily to know everything about her life, her past, her future. "Alex committed suicide when I was eleven. Ashley was only four months old." She could feel the words catching in her throat as she spoke them.

Emily grabbed JJ's hand as she stared intently into her blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Jayje. I didn't mean to bring her up."

"We kept telling ourselves that she did it because she didn't get in to Columbia," JJ continued as if the older woman had never spoken. "But we know that was just part of it. She was only 17 when she found out that she was pregnant and her so-called 'high school sweetheart' went off to California without ever looking back. The stress of it all slowly tore her apart from the inside out. She just wasn't ready to be a mother."

Emily nodded in understanding. That was a feeling she knew all too well. "Where's Ashley?"

JJ's face brightened at the mention of her niece's name. "She got accepted to college down in Florida after she graduated from East Allegheny. She's preparing to apply to law school soon," the blonde beamed.

"Crime fighting must run in the family," Emily teased before growing serious once again. "I am really sorry about your sister."

"No apologies needed. Twenty-two years is a long time to heal. Now, enough with the sad memories. We're here to make new ones. Come on, let me show you around," JJ said excitedly as she tugged the brunette upstairs to the loft.

Less than an hour later, the pair found themselves sitting on the back porch overlooking a small lake. A blanket was draped over the both of them as they sat opposite each other, their feet resting gently in the middle. They were still hesitant about how to act around one another, dancing around boundaries, neither of them really sure what this weekend away meant.

JJ wanted to break the silence, but for once, the media liaison was at a loss for words. Instead, she rotated her body so that she was settled between the brunette's legs, her back pressing into Emily's chest. She relaxed all her weight into her as the older woman coiled a few strands of blonde hair between her fingers.

"What is this, Jayje?" Emily asked as she looped her arms around JJ's tiny frame.

"What is what?"

"This… us."

"This," JJ replied as she laced Emily's fingers in her own, "is perfect." She placed a soft kiss on the back of the brunette's hand before studying their entwined fingers closely. "I think that your hand was made to fit exactly with mine. See, look!" The blonde giggled as she held their hands up for Emily to see.

"Anybody's hand can fit with anyone else's."

"Ugh, Emily!" The older woman could be exasperating. "Quit being so logical all the time. Stop thinking with your head."

"What am I supposed to think with?" Emily questioned with raised eyebrows.

"Your heart," JJ said before turning slightly to place her ear where she knew the profiler's heart would be.

"I don't think I know how," she whispered into the smaller woman's golden hair.

JJ smiled into Emily's chest as she whispered back, "Don't worry, Em. I'll teach you."

" _The affections are like lightening: you cannot tell where they will strike till they have fallen."_

_-Lee Iacocca_


	3. Chapter 3

_"Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares."_

_-Mahatma Gandhi_

She gently traced the length of the cut on her forearm, feeling the skin beginning to scab under the disintegrating stitches. The physical injuries were quickly healing, however, inside her body was an emotional turmoil. Every nightmarish event marred her dreams while every horrific memory tainted her waking thoughts. No amount of compartmentalizing would keep what happened to her at bay for long, but she knew better than to let it leak through the walls she'd built. She scoffed, knowing that what she was doing was typical 'Emily Prentiss'. After the Tobias Hankel case, she'd wanted to be able to put on a brave face, just like the older woman, and now here she was.

"Damn fine job, Jennifer," she whispered to herself.

"Any chance you were talking to me?" A soothing voice floated into the room and JJ turned, staring at the beautiful woman before her. The green blouse accentuated every breathtaking curve that Emily possessed and JJ wanted nothing more than to rip those tight black pants right off of her. She blushed slightly at her own thoughts and tried to calm down the flames that burned inside of her, flames that burned specifically for Emily.

"You decided not to wear the dress," JJ stated, ignoring the fact that Emily had walked in on her talking to herself.

"Um, it's cold outside," the older woman replied automatically, as if there were no question. "But apparently you're braving the weather." The brunette's breath hitched as she finally took the time to notice what JJ was wearing. The white dress softly hugged the shape of JJ's lithe body, stopping dangerously above her knees. Emily's eyes trailed the length of the blonde's thighs, continuing the path down her legs and a mischievous smile graced her lips as she took in the peep-toe red pumps. What she wouldn't give to see JJ wearing those and nothing else.

The younger agent just smiled as she picked up her ivory pea coat and slipped it on over her dress. "I'll have you to help keep me warm," she said innocently as she fingered the hem of her coat that just grazed her knees. "Now let's get a move on. Dinner reservations are at seven o'clock sharp."

Emily snapped out of her JJ-induced stupor and took the blonde's hand in her own. She had been surprised earlier when JJ had told her that she planned on taking her out on a date to one of her favorite Italian restaurants in the area. Nerves coursed through her body, but she couldn't fathom why. They'd been out to dinner before, even if it was just as friends, and they'd spent all day together, laughing and talking comfortably. She tried to convince herself that tonight wouldn't be any different, just another moment spent together. Only, this time 'together' had a whole other meaning.

Buckling herself into the passenger seat of the car, her brown eyes glanced over at the unnerved blonde. Her heart beat quickened, noticing how JJ's dress and coat had inched higher up on her delicious thighs as she positioned herself behind the wheel. If Emily's nerves didn't kill her, her overactive libido would.

"See something you like, Agent Prentiss?" JJ stated calmly. She'd known that her sparkling white dress would drive Emily wild and she reveled in the way the brunette couldn't keep her eyes off of her. At first she'd felt a little self conscious, knowing that the quarter-length sleeves wouldn't cover the slice down her forearm and the ultra-short hem line wouldn't hide the few bruises scattered along her lean legs, but from the moment Emily had looked at her in the bedroom she'd felt all self-doubt slip away. It felt good to be desired by someone and to desire them in return, and there was no one she desired more than the raven-haired woman whose fingers had just reached across to intertwine with her own.

* * *

"Thanks for dinner. It was amazing," Emily said as she rested her head against the seat. The restaurant had been much more than the brunette had imagined, with expensively priced pastas and the most delectable wines, but JJ had spared no expense. She grinned, remembering the way the cheesecake had melted on her tongue as JJ had dragged the fork out of her mouth. The blonde was a tease, of that there was no doubt. The lighting in the restaurant had caused JJ's dress to glitter enigmatically and it only made her that much more mesmerizing. She'd even eaten her food seductively, or perhaps Emily had just imagined that part. Everything about Jennifer Jareau was sexy and enchanting, and somehow the fair-haired agent managed to seem so innocent in all of her allure.

Dinner had been outstanding… and so damn difficult to sit through. It had taken every power Emily possessed to hold her in her chair and prevent her from jumping JJ's bones right there at the table. She knew her thoughts weren't ones of romance and candlelight, but she couldn't control the idea of seeing all of JJ splayed out naked on the bed. "Mmm," she let out a small moan before covering her mouth with her hand. She really hadn't meant for that to be out loud.

JJ just smiled, having an idea of what was on the brunette's mind. She placed her hand on the gear shift in the middle, drumming her fingers absentmindedly. She'd noticed Emily squirming all through dinner and she couldn't lie to herself, it had been hell on her too. The sexual attraction between them was insurmountable, but they both were trying desperately to cling to the little control that they had left.

The Nissan came to a stop in front of the cabin and the duo sat dazzled by the night view, the moon glistening off the lake in the background. It brought them both out of their hormone-ridden minds. Seeing something that spectacular left little room for anything else to possess your thoughts, but just as quickly as it had captured their attentions, it let them go and JJ was wild with the idea of Emily yet again.

She hastily killed the engine before getting out and making her way around the crossover, slamming Emily against the vehicle just as she'd closed the door. Her mouth crashed into the brunette's as she tangled her hands in raven hair. The older woman quickly became submissive to JJ's capable lips, a moan catching in her throat. This was it; this was how she was going to die- killed by an overwhelming need for the blonde. Her hands tugged at every inch of the fabric that covered JJ before a yelp brought her back to her senses.

"I'm so sorry, Jayje," Emily cried. Overrun with emotions, she'd forgotten about her friend's many injuries, her sore ribs and torn muscle being one of them. JJ simply nodded in understanding, closing her azure eyes as the flash of pain subsided.

The smaller woman felt familiar lips press softly against her own once more as she was easily spun around, her back now leaning against her car. She knew Emily was trying to be gentle, touching her softly, fingers brushing delicately over bruised skin. Her lips parted, allowing the older woman's tongue to enter her mouth, whimpering from pleasure as she felt Emily's hands grip firmly around her ass. Her blue eyes stared up at the stars as she felt soft lips, the lips of a woman she yearned for, trail across her neck. A sigh escaped her as she realized the Emily was kneeling on the ground in front of her, slowly inching her dress higher up on her thighs.

Suddenly, this didn't feel right and images of Hagin parting her legs entered her mind. She tried to push the thoughts away as she felt fingers grip the top of her already sodden panties, tried desperately to remind herself that the fingers belonged to Emily. She wanted Emily. She needed Emily. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough right now.

"Wait," JJ managed to choke out. The brunette halted immediately, recognizing in the younger woman's voice that something was wrong. She knew what it was without even having to ask. Standing once again, she wrapped her arms gently around JJ, lacing her hands through silken hair as the blonde collapsed into her. She heard small sniffles echoing into her chest and it was only moments before they turned into sobs.

"Shh," Emily soothed. She wasn't about to say the words, 'It'll be okay,' because she couldn't promise that it would. She couldn't promise JJ that this wouldn't happen every time she begged for intimacy. She couldn't promise JJ that memories of Hagin wouldn't flood every dream. She couldn't promise JJ anything, except one thing, "I'm here. I'll always be here."

* * *

" _Promises are the uniquely human way of ordering the future, making it predictable and reliable to the extent that this is humanly possible."_

_-Hannah Arendt_

JJ sat on the edge of the bed, her red pumps brushing against the carpet. Her eyes stung after being assaulted by her salty tears and her ribs ached from being shaken by her sobs. She hadn't felt this exhausted since, well Tuesday. She let her mind process the fact that it had only been three days since she'd been raped, since she'd been beaten, since she'd been saved, since she'd been hospitalized. Somehow she'd overlooked everything, all the pain, and continued on with her life. She'd really convinced herself that it wasn't a big deal; that it happened to people all the time. They saw it in their line of work almost daily.

But apparently it wasn't that easy to just brush it all away and tuck it into a little compartment in her mind. She had to remind herself that she wasn't Emily. She didn't have that kind of strength inside of her. Maybe she just wasn't that brave.

She feels Emily before she realizes that she's there. She'd been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed the brunette slipping her heels off of her feet. She tries to capture the moment in her mind, to use it as a replacement for all the horrors that reside there, as Emily's hair falls across her lap. The older woman is on her knees by the bed, resting her head on JJ's thighs. The blonde tucks a strand of hair behind Emily's ear, her fingers tracing the curve of her strong jaw.

This is what she wants, what she needs. Emily makes her feel protected, wanted and loved, but apparently she can't let the older woman close enough to her to have those needs fulfilled. It makes her heart ache, knowing that the one person she craves is right here, literally lying in her lap, and she can't have her. A single tear slips down her face and drops into chestnut hair.

Emily knows that JJ is crying. Nonetheless, she doesn't know what she can do to help the broken woman. Her first thought is to hold her, to sponge up the blonde's tears with her own body, but then she thinks of what happened outside. A pang of guilt hits her as she realizes that she pushed too far, too fast. She'd wanted JJ so much that she didn't even consider what boundaries she'd have to break through to get to her.

"Don't feel guilty. I wanted it too, I still do," JJ said as if reading her thoughts. How does she do that? With all the walls Emily has taken so much time to build and all the time she's spent practicing hiding her thoughts from everyone, JJ manages to read her like a book without even looking her in the eyes.

"No wonder Hotch is insistent on you becoming a profiler," Emily snorts, lifting her head from the blonde's lap. She wants this statement to lighten the mood, to bring some form of light to JJ's red-rimmed eyes, but it falls short. And then she's back to square one, not knowing how to comfort the beautiful woman.

"Just lay with me," JJ says, once again practically reading the profiler's mind. The blonde pulls her body back further onto the bed and curls up in a small ball, her dress still hugging her body. Emily does as she's told, climbing on top of the blankets before folding her body against JJ's, her stomach pressed into her back. She starts to reach her arm around, wanting to wrap the blonde tightly against her, before remembering about the injuries. Her hand hovers momentarily before JJ's small fingers clasp around her own, pulling their entangled hands against her body.

Emily smiles meekly, fiddling with the ring on JJ's finger. She knows without looking that ensconced among the metal is Henry's topaz birthstone. "What were Henry and Will's plans this weekend?" she asks, hoping the subject of JJ's son will allow some happiness to seep inside the woman. She'd heard the younger woman on the phone earlier, laughing at a joke Henry had told, before blowing air kisses into her cell.

"Henry told me they were going to the park tomorrow. Will promised him that he'd teach him how to catch. That sounds like a long day." Emily grinned as JJ let out a giggle. "Teaching him to kick a soccer ball was one thing, but Henry still has a long time before his hand-eye coordination is up to par," JJ said.

Longing seeped through JJ's voice and Emily knew that she missed her son, not just this weekend, but all the time. While they spent a lot of time traveling the country on a jet, Henry had always been home when JJ had arrived. That was all different now and the two of them had discussed before what it was like for JJ to come home to an empty house, knowing that normally she'd have to wait until the following morning to pick up the toddler. "We can go back if you'd like," the brunette offered.

"No. No, we're not going back any earlier than planned. It's Will's weekend anyway and there isn't a lot I can do with Henry until I'm strong enough to pick him up. I'd be too worried about something happening and me not being healed enough to help him."

"When it's your turn to have him again, when he comes home, I can help you. I like Henry."

JJ chuckled softly, "And he likes you. He often asks how his 'Aunt Emmy' is and when she's going to visit… well you and Aunt Penny."

"Of course, upstaged once again by the Oracle of Quantico."

Rolling over carefully, JJ locks her blue eyes with Emily's brown ones. "Thank you for agreeing to come with me. I know right now this isn't the perfect weekend either of us had in mind, but I like laying here with you." She moves slightly, planting a soft kiss on Emily's supple lips. It's only moments before it grows more intimate and once again, hands are roaming over toned bodies, caressing skin, pulling at clothes.

It's the older woman who breaks the kiss this time, trying to unscramble her thoughts. She reaches her hands behind JJ's back, sliding the zipper of her dress down tooth by tooth. Her fingers brush over satin skin and she feels the blonde shiver beneath her touch. She allows her lips to brush against JJ's shoulder as she continues to remove the article of clothing that's been tempting her all night. It's only moments before the blonde lays in front of her, the bare skin of her taunt tummy reflecting the light from the lamp. Her breasts are enclosed in a silken green bra and it takes all the strength Emily has not to rip it right off of her.

Sighs escape her lips as JJ's fingers reach under her blouse, pulling it over her head. The younger woman lifts herself up on her uninjured arm, working the button on Emily's pants. She revels in the sight of the brunette laying before her in just a bra and panties for an instant before Emily moves to pull the blankets down, dragging JJ with her as she covers up the two of them.

They both lay there, their skin touching in so many areas and yet still not enough. Emily reaches over to turn out the light as JJ's eyes flutter open and closed, fighting sleep and exhaustion.

"Thank you," the blonde whispers into the darkness. "Thank you for promising to be here."

" _Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex."_

_-Barbara Cartland_


	4. Chapter 4

" _It is an absolute bonus to make friends out of colleagues, but we are genuinely friends and our relationships grow stronger every day. We rely on each other for strength because we've been through so much in our lives together already."_

_-Jennifer Aniston_

Sweat clung to every inch of her skin as she roused from another fitful sleep. Tears were captured in her eyes, balancing on the edge, as she was overcome with the horrific memories of Mitchell Hagin. The way he smelt of oil and musty hay. The way his calloused hands had trailed the length of her body. The way his menacing laugh echoed continuously through her ears.

She closed her sapphire eyes, allowing tears to flow effortlessly down her flushed cheeks. It was overwhelming being this fragile. She'd always known that she wasn't as tough as Hotch and Morgan, or even Emily; known that she and Spence comprised a somewhat different category among the BAU members. But this frailness multiplied that times thousands. She felt like one of those collectible Barbies, the kind that after a child ripped her from her sheltering box and turned her into just another toy, became worthless.

She glanced down as the older woman next to her let out a sigh, a sign that her sleep was restful. JJ couldn't help but stare at Emily as her brunette hair feathered out beneath her, her plush lips curved up into a slight smile. This was the woman that JJ longed for and she was lying right next to her, still dressed only in her bra and panties. An ache bloomed between the media liaison's thighs as she studied the supple curves of Emily's breasts. Yes, she wanted her- more than anything. But it petrified her to think that she would get close to the brown-eyed beauty once again, her hands roaming over Emily's perfect form, and then be snapped from that world of wonder by images of her abductor.

She had to face it… she, Jennifer Jareau, was damaged goods.

* * *

Emily's slender fingers laced around the bottle JJ handed her as they walked over to a small table near the corner. The place was packed with people, cheers and boos reverberating through the bar with every touchdown. A quick glimpse at one of the television screens showed the Florida Gators battling the Virginia Cavaliers. The brunette didn't know a single thing about either team. Hell, she didn't know a lot about football in general. The Prentiss family hadn't spent a lot of time watching sports as they were moving and traveling all over the world.

"A few girlfriends and I ran across this place one weekend while we were staying at the cabin, blowing off some steam before finals," JJ explained. "Ever since then I always try and stop in for a visit whenever I'm in town."

The older woman felt a quick surge of jealousy when JJ mentioned girlfriends. She knew that the blonde had used it as a platonic term, but it was difficult not to get jealous whenever the younger agent was concerned. The woman had the body of a goddess and the face of an angel, and Emily didn't want to have to share JJ's glorious assets with anyone. She still longed to caress every inch of the blonde's skin, to lace her fingers through her silken hair, to press her lips against her tanned stomach… oh, the things she would do to Jennifer Jareau.

"Emily? Hello, Emily?" JJ waved her hands in front of the brunette's face, yanking her out of her allusions. "Are you going to sit down with me or would you rather stand?"

Emily blushed before pulling out the chair across from the younger woman and plopping down disruptively. "I've never heard of either of these teams," she admitted, pointing towards the television screen. "Have you?"

"Ashley, my niece that I told you about, goes to the University of Florida. She always calls me if the Gators win," the blonde smiled. "She's a die hard fan even though they've pretty well sucked this year."

"Sorry to hear that," Emily said, taking a drag of her beer. "I never pictured you as a football kind of girl."

"Sports played a big part in my life growing up. Obviously soccer was like a religion, but daddy was a former football player and mom was a tennis star so ESPN was often playing in the background of any family gathering. Soundtrack of my life."

Learning about JJ was intoxicating and Emily reveled in the fact that the younger woman was willing to share all of this with her. Her family's cabin, her sister, her niece, her past, her body… God, that body.

"You're spacing out on me again, Em."

Emily shook the desires from her mind and turned her attention back to the woman in front of her. "I'm sorry," the raven-haired agent apologized. "It's really difficult to concentrate on the words coming out of your mouth when you're dressed like that." Her eyes trailed JJ's body, admiring the low cut black shirt that showed off just the right amount of cleavage.

"It's just a shirt. I was trying to be casual," JJ laughed.

"Casual on you is still sexy. Incredibly sexy."

The blonde felt her skin flush under Emily's penetrating gaze. The older woman was obviously devouring every inch of her with her eyes and it made her dizzy to imagine the thoughts that were running through Emily's mind. Maybe going out to a sports bar wasn't the best idea. Being back at the cabin, wrapped up in Emily's arms would be completely satisfying. But they'd done that all day; cuddled on the couch, napped in the grass, kissed in the kitchen. It had all been so PG. Unfortunately, JJ couldn't handle much more than that with Hagin still raging through her thoughts at the worst possible moments.

"Are you ladies up for a game of darts?" A sandy-haired boy walked over to the duo, interrupting their less than appropriate ideas. He couldn't have been more than 22, maybe 23, and both women immediately noticed his confident swagger and frat-boy demeanor. They could guess that he wasn't used to women telling him no.

"What's in it for us?" JJ asked with a smirk.

"You get to play with me," he said, winking at the blonde and giving a winning smile to her brunette friend.

JJ could see Emily's hesitation, almost like she wasn't used to being hit on, but she wasn't going to let the older woman wuss out. This weekend was about relaxing, having fun, forgetting about work and spending as much time together as possible. Getting to humiliate an overconfident college boy was just an added bonus. "We're in," the younger woman smiled, speaking up for both of them. "Grab your beer, Emily. Let's go."

The brunette's eyes grew wide as she heard the words leave JJ's mouth. She didn't want to sit and watch a bunch of guys ogle over the object of her affection, but it was impossible to tell JJ no. She begrudgingly grabbed her drink and was surprised when the younger woman's hand reached back for her own and pulled her towards the back of the bar, cornered between a couple of big screen TVs and surrounded by one too many drunken men.

"These two lovely ladies are up for the challenge," the sandy-haired guy grinned as he ushered the pair forward. "By the way, I'm Gaige." He extended his hand.

JJ shook his hand first, "I'm Jennifer. This is Emily."

The group began to exchange pleasantries with the beautiful women, but many of their names were lost among drunken lips. Emily was still trying to determine if the guy with black hair was named Chase or Mason, two highly different sounding monikers, when she heard Gaige mention something to her younger counterpart about a wager.

"What are we wagering?" she questioned.

"Gaige is trying to convince me that if he and Sam here win, that we owe them a kiss," JJ laughed at the infantilism of his suggestions. Emily was busy shaking her head and rolling her eyes, when she was shocked by the blonde's response. "Deal. And if we win you pay our tab."

"That's fair enough, but trust me Jennifer, I never lose," Gaige smirked as he shook hands with JJ again.

"Jayje, are you crazy?" Emily whispered hastily into the blonde's ear.

"Trust me, Em. I never lose."

"Sorry if I don't find that too comforting since that's exactly what he just said."

"Agent Prentiss, do you really think I'd let anyone kiss you but me?" JJ said seductively.

Emily felt her knees grow weak as JJ's hand grazed her ass before squeezing her hip lightly. The woman had a way of convincing her to do anything.

They were starting their third game, the tie breaker. Emily and JJ had won the first one- barely- while Gaige and Sam had smoked their asses on the second. The brunette could feel her palms sweating as she threw a dart and completely missed the target all together. She could barely play darts as it was, but with all the beers and shots running through her system, her aim had worsened. She cursed JJ inwardly as she imagined having to kiss a guy that was almost 20 years her junior. She'd heard the blonde say before, when the three musketeers had been out, that she was fairly good at darts. Nonetheless, she wasn't proving that this evening.

Emily slapped a hand to her eyes, not wanting to see where JJ's dart would end up. She only allowed herself to see what was going on when a round of cheers echoed through the air. JJ had made a bull's-eye.

The game continued with JJ making shot after shot after shot while Emily sat on the sidelines, gulping down shot after shot… after shot. She grinned from ear to ear, realizing that the younger woman had been playing the boys the whole time.

"I figured we could use a night of free drinks," JJ smiled as she sat down next to Emily and clutched her knee. "How ya feeling?"

"Good and buzzed. How are you feeling, Jennifer?"

"Nice and drunk. Just a few more darts before I get to take you back to the cabin and have you all to myself." The younger woman's words tickled Emily's ear and she couldn't control the rush of blood that settled between her legs.

A couple of minutes later, the game was on the verge of ending as JJ prepared to throw her last two darts. The first landed dangerously close to the center while the second was a dead bull's-eye. "Oh, another one bites the dust!" JJ yelled, thrusting her fists in the air.

"How did you get so good at this?" Gaige questioned, a look of adoration plastered across his face.

"Where I grew up darts was like a national sport."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, we were too small for a bowling alley," the young agent admitted.

"I guess that means that Sam is paying the hefty tab you and Emily racked up," the sandy-haired guy joked as he slapped his friend on the shoulder. Sam gave him a playful glare before Gaige held up his hands in mock surrender. "Just kidding, man. Jeez. Good game, Jennifer and you too, Emily." His 100-watt smile lit up the area as he walked towards the bar.

"I told you I never lose," JJ giggled as she knelt in front of her seated friend. "Ready to blow this popsicle stand?"

Emily couldn't control the laugh that escaped her lips. "You may be the most adorable person I've ever met," she said affectionately.

"One more round of shots for the winners," Gaige hollered, interrupting their moment of familiarity. "Here you are ladies." He handed a shot to each woman as the rest of the glasses were passed among his friends. "Toast?"

"I'll do it," Emily spoke up, standing and dragging JJ up with her. The group waited as she cleared her throat. "Here's to the girls who wear the red shoes. We'll spend all your money and drink all your booze. We may not be virgins, but that's not a sin. We've still got the box that the cherry came in." She winked at a stunned JJ as she poured the shot down her throat.

Hoots and hollers emanated through the crowd of drunken men as the rest of them downed their shots.

"That was quite a speech, Agent Prentiss," JJ grinned, licking the remnants of liquor from her lips before pulling the brunette towards her in a breath-stealing kiss.

* * *

" _Sexual liberation, as a slogan, turns out to be another kind of bondage. For a woman it offers orgasm as her ultimate and major fulfillment; it's better than motherhood."_

_-Victoria Billings_

Emily's mind was foggy with alcohol and the overwhelming desire for her colleague. The taxi ride back to the cabin had been unbearable as their fingers fiddled impatiently in their laps, trying to control the need they had for each other. The driver had glanced continuously in the mirror, watching as they ran delicate fingers along each other's legs, their eyes fluttering in a mix of ecstasy and exasperation. She was pretty sure that JJ had just thrown a 50 at the man as they exited the cab, their hands grasping at each other before they'd even made it through the door.

Her back pressed into the wall as JJ's capable fingers slipped underneath her shirt. A shiver ran down her spine as the younger woman gripped her hips, digging her nails into her flesh. She was thankful for the wall behind her because she knew that without its support, she would be puddled on the floor. JJ nipped at Emily's earlobe before her tongue made circles around the heated skin on the brunette's neck. She felt the blonde grab her hands and raise them over her head, pinning them to the wall along with the rest of her body. She was helpless to JJ sucking on her pulse point as a small moan escaped her kiss-swollen lips.

Emily was trying desperately to be gentle with the younger woman, trying not to press on the sensitive bruises, trying to take her time figuring out where JJ's boundaries lay. However, it was so difficult not to just devour the woman that stood before her with a knee cradled between her parted legs. She gasped as the blonde's thigh pushed into her center. The feeling was overpowering and she felt her knees begin to buckle.

Grabbing JJ's ass, Emily turned their bodies so that the younger woman was secured between her and the wall. She gave the blonde a quick lift, allowing JJ to wrap her long legs around her waist. It was intoxicating knowing that the media liaison was right here in her arms, her arousal pressed into her. Her tongue slipped through JJ's parted lips while their mouths battled for power. Neither of them was willing to let the other completely take control and it turned further into a game as fingers slipped through fabric, grasping at flushed skin.

"God, Emily," the younger woman sighed as Emily's teeth bit down on the space between her neck and collar bone. The brunette's tongue lapped at swollen flesh, soothing the pink skin. JJ's legs unlaced from around the older woman as she pushed her toward the stairs. "I'm taking you to bed, Agent Prentiss."

Her hands never left Emily's body as they made their way up the stairs. She pushed her fingers underneath the older woman's shirt before pulling it over her head and discarding it somewhere on the floor. Any qualms she'd had earlier about being intimate with the profiler, any worries she'd had about Mitchell Hagin, were suppressed as the need to feel Emily's skin against her own became unmanageable. She fumbled with the button on Emily's jeans as she slid the zipper down. She hadn't even noticed that the older woman had regained control until she felt her own knees make contact with the bed.

She let out a small giggle as Emily pushed her gently onto the mattress, lowering her body on top of hers. "I always knew you were a woman on top," JJ smiled as she pulled the older woman into a kiss. She felt Emily's fingers tugging on her belt loops before disposing of her jeans. Her hands yanked her shirt off of her body before helping the older woman finish removing her own jeans. A sigh escaped both of their mouths as skin brushed against skin.

JJ stared at the woman hovering above her as she reached her arms around her, removing Emily's bra. Adoration plastered across her face as she took in the sight of the older woman's breasts. She lifted her body up, Emily still straddling her lap, as she palmed one of the soft mounds, tracing her tongue around the nipple of the other. She took the peak in her mouth, sucking lightly as she laced her fingers in the top of the brunette's panties, urging her to take them off. The ache between her legs was insoluble and she wanted nothing more to taste all of Emily Prentiss.

The older woman slid off of her as she removed her saturated panties, moaning lightly as JJ pushed her back onto the soft mattress. Her eyes fluttered closed as the blonde's cool breath ghosted across her flushed body. She gasped as the younger woman's tongue dipped into her navel. Now she was just being teased. Her body ached to be touched and the need was almost painful.

JJ could feel Emily trembling beneath her fingertips as she ran her hands slowly up her inner thighs. The brunette's scent was exhilarating and it took all of her self control not to dive right into Emily's heat. She brushed her palm over the older woman's folds, delighting at Emily's sharp intake of breath. Yeah, teasing her was kind of fun.

"Jayje… please," the raven-haired beauty whimpered. "Please."

Unable to fight against Emily's pleas, JJ let her tongue trace Emily's clit before dipping two fingers into the brunette's wetness. "Wow, Em," JJ smiled, surprised by the woman's want for her. She began to pump her fingers in and out of the older woman in uneven strokes, wanting to drag out Emily's pleasure for as long as possible.

A small grunt escaped Emily's lips as she realized what JJ was doing. She tried to move her hips in time with the blonde's strokes, wanting to be thrown over the edge, needing so badly to feel that release. Unfortunately, her efforts were to no avail as the younger woman continued the torture of her body. "Jennifer, you're killing me," she whined, biting down on her lower lip.

JJ grinned mischievously as she removed her fingers from the brunette before plunging her tongue deep into Emily's heat, savoring each and every sinful taste.

"Oh god!" Emily cried out in surprise.

"Most people just call me JJ," the blonde smiled before continuing her assault on Emily's lower lips. She noticed the brunette's breathing quicken as she sucked on her clit, letting her teeth nip gently at the swollen bud. She could tell that Emily was balancing dangerously on the edge and she wanted more than anything to push the woman over, but she also wasn't ready for her playtime to end.

Emily slammed her head back into the pillow in frustration at the loss of JJ's tongue against her. This was excruciating and she didn't know how much more she could take. If the blonde wanted to play dirty, she would play dirty. Ignoring the ache that had bloomed within her, she lifted her body up and wrapped her arms around the younger woman, crushing her lips against JJ's. Her hands removed the blue-eyed beauty's bra in one swift move before hastily stripping her of her thong.

JJ didn't even have time to react before Emily had thrown her into the pillows. A sting ran through her ribs, but the pain she felt was nothing compared to the throbbing that had settled between her legs. The older woman's tongue traced every inch of her skin, her toes curling as Emily's mouth captured one of her nipples. She couldn't suppress the moan that wrenched through her throat as Emily's teeth pinched at the taut peak.

"Mmm," JJ groaned as Emily tugged at her hair and shoved her tongue down the blonde's throat.

The brunette's hand hovered over JJ's wet heat as she remembered all the reasons they'd stopped themselves from going through with this act before. "Jayje," Emily questioned seriously, "Are you okay with this?"

JJ almost scoffed at the profiler's question before wondering what the ramifications of their roll in the hay would be. What would happen when Emily's tongue ran through her folds? Or when Emily's fingers delved within her walls?

"I don't know," she admitted sadly.

Emily nodded in understanding before lying down next to the blonde. Maybe this wasn't the right time. Maybe JJ wasn't ready. Maybe it was entirely too soon in their relationship. She rested her head on JJ's shoulder, placing delicate kisses on her neck, running her fingers through the blonde's silken tresses.

JJ sighed, knowing that this was her fault. She couldn't keep doing this to herself- to Emily. Her lips met the older woman's in a soft kiss, one that yearned for acceptance and retribution. Her tongue slipped through parted lips as she wrapped herself in Emily's embrace. Without even thinking, she slid a hand down the brunette's toned body, gliding almost unnoticed between her legs. She swallowed Emily's moan as she caressed the brunette's velvet walls, her fingers curling up in a come-hither motion, urging the woman towards the edge.

Emily's nails dug into JJ's back as she felt her body getting ready to spin out of control. The feeling of JJ inside of her caused all thoughts to leave her mind and she tried desperately to hold on to reality. She shivered as a wave of pleasure rushed through her, a sign that the going over the brink was imminent. "Mmm, Jennifer," Emily whimpered into the younger woman's neck.

It was obvious that Emily was close to losing it so JJ quickened her pace, continuing to curl her fingers inside of the older woman while simultaneously rubbing her thumb over her engorged nub. She felt Emily's walls begin to tighten around her as a scream tore from the brunette's throat.

Emily could've sworn that she saw stars as JJ helped push her off the edge. Spasms raked through her entire body, coming in waves as the orgasm overtook her. The blonde's fingers still moved within her, stretching out the feelings of euphoria for as long as possible. The edges grew dark around her as JJ's mouth captured her own, consuming every scream, every moan, every whimper. She wanted this moment to continue forever. She was on a high and Jennifer Jareau was her drug.

" _She loves women too much. It's like a drug and she was hooked. She loves danger and dabbling in the dark side. That's where she gets her kicks…"_

_-Jenny Shimizu_


	5. Chapter 5

" _I wanted to kiss this woman so bad, I wondered how I would stay alive without it."_

_-Richard Cohen_

The sun had begun to peek through the window, casting soft glows upon the two sleeping women. Their bodies lay tangled in Egyptian cotton sheets as the scent of JJ's golden tresses tickled Emily's nose. She gently rubbed her hand up and down the younger woman's spine, enjoying the way JJ's baby soft skin felt against her palm. Her heavy-lidded eyes smiled down at the media liaison that was sprawled across her chest as she placed a delicate kiss on her forehead. Feeling her lips against JJ's flesh awakened fresh memories from just a few hours before, remembering how it felt to have the blonde caress every inch of her body- inside and out.

A sigh escaped Emily's lips as she felt the familiar pangs of want rouse from between her legs. JJ had been everything she'd ever imagined she would be and she'd been left extremely satisfied by the time they'd curled up to sleep. Slight guilt ached within her at her own gratification, knowing that JJ had been left still wanting by the end of their night; wanting, but too afraid to allow her needs to be fulfilled. Emily had accepted the blonde's apprehensions and submitted to JJ's advances, but that didn't stop her yearning to be inside of JJ, to savor the taste of the younger woman on her lips. Her fingers traced letters on JJ's back as she tried to control her lust-occupied thoughts.

"You have an awfully active mind this morning, Agent Prentiss," JJ husked as she noticed the words Emily was drawing on her skin. "Sex." A giggle escaped her mouth as blue eyes locked with brown.

Emily felt a blush creep up her cheeks. She hadn't realized that JJ was awake and hearing the enticing word slip from the blonde's lips only increased the arousal that she was feeling. It was difficult to resist the feel of JJ's naked breasts pressed into her side and the sensation made her want to dive into the younger agent's folds, returning only when her name would tear from JJ's throat, erupting in a scream of pleasure. Yes, that was exactly what she wanted. But she was going to be patient. She was going to allow JJ all the time she needed to heal, to prepare her body for what it meant to be intimate with another person after the trauma she'd suffered.

JJ swore she could smell the arousal dripping from Emily and the scent caused a similar craving to commence within her. She wanted to experience the feeling of having the older woman bound within her walls. She wanted to suck the taste of herself from Emily's luxurious lips. Unfortunately, she couldn't shake the nerves and fear that came with that kind of intimacy. It seemed so arbitrary to be scared of something she'd experienced so many times, to be anxious about sex. But she knew it was also a reasonable concern after the ordeal she'd been through with Mitchell Hagin.

Without warning, she dipped her fingers in the older woman's sex, smiling deviously as she felt how wet Emily already was. JJ enjoyed having this kind of control over her brunette counterpart. She enjoyed pleasing Emily, even though she herself was scarred. She sunk her teeth into the heated skin above the profiler's breast before licking the swollen skin with her tongue. She felt Emily's short nails dig into her back as she rolled on top of the older woman, spreading her legs with her own, pushing her finger's further up into her lover.

"Ah, fuck," Emily grunted as she grasped at JJ's glorious fingers with her velvet walls, coaxing them to continue their journey into her body. She was already so close to falling off the cliff of her arousal and she fought desperately to control the wave that crashed through her body as JJ's thumb pushed into her clit. Throwing her head back into the pillow, she squeezed her eyes shut, exhausting all efforts to hold herself together.

"Don't fight it, Em," the blonde whispered in her ear as she tugged at the hair on her scalp. Pure animalistic feelings coursed through JJ's veins and if she couldn't enjoy falling to pieces in her current heightened state, she sure as hell wanted to be witness to Emily Prentiss unraveling at the seams. "Just give in."

JJ's hot breath tickling her neck was all it took to push her off the edge of desire and catapult her into a world of ecstasy. "Fuck, Jennifer," she groaned as an orgasm wracked through her body. She brought JJ's lips to her own as the blonde's fingers exited her body, sliding up her stomach before massaging her breast. "You're exhausting," Emily paused, "and outstanding."

"Tell me something I don't know," JJ laughed with a wink as she rested her slender body on top of her lover's. "And I'm not the reason you're all tuckered out. You're the one who was tracing erotic words all over me this morning."

"I thought you were asleep!" Emily said defensively before letting out a soft chuckle. "Even if I'd known you were awake, I didn't think you'd figure out what I was doing."

"I work for the FBI. I'm incredibly perceptive."

"I'm incredibly perceptive," the older woman mocked while making a face.

JJ just grinned before bringing her attention to the area above Emily's left breast. Unwittingly, she began to trace the outline of the clover branded into the brunette's flesh. She was fascinated by the raised skin, having only really noticed it for the first time last night. She couldn't imagine having a physical scar that represented such a horrific memory. It was difficult enough seeing the bruises and the cuts. "How did you learn to live with it?" she questioned while still pressing her hand against the ironically lucky symbol.

"There were a few times when I considered going through the process of having it removed or covered up," Emily admitted. It was challenging to see the token Doyle had left her day after day, but it also reminded her of all of her triumphs. "I just like the reminder that I survived. Yeah, it sucks and some days are tougher than others, but I'm still here. And so are you," she reminded the younger woman.

A grim smile graced JJ's features before she placed a soft kiss on top of the clover, and pushed herself up off of Emily and the bed. "Let's go make some breakfast. I'm starving," she said as she slipped into a silk robe and walked out of the room.

Emily tried not to be surprised by JJ's sudden exit, knowing all too well how arduous it could be to tackle your trauma head on. Sometimes it was easier to push it to the back of your mind and forget that anything bad had ever happened. She'd spent years dealing with what had happened to her and she knew that she still had a lot of healing left to do, but she hoped that with JJ by her side, the memories would fade and life would get easier. Maybe she'd be able to be the same support for JJ.

Stretching one last time, she rolled out of bed and dug through her suitcase for something to throw on. She pulled out a pink spaghetti strap shirt and black yoga pants before she quickly slid them on and followed the path JJ had taken down the stairs, stepping around the clothes they'd hastily discared the night before. She could already smell the coffee brewing and hear the clatter of pans emanating from the kitchen.

"I didn't mean to upset you," she said seriously as she came around the corner and wrapped her arms around JJ's small frame.

"I'm okay," the blonde responded as she leaned her back into Emily's chest, a chipper tone returning to her voice. "I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, dear. I don't mind sharing things with you," Emily smirked, mischievous thoughts returned to her mind as she ran her hands along the thin garment that hid JJ's perfect form.

"You are definitely in the mood this morning," JJ snickered as she spun around, her back now pressed into the counter. Desire danced in Emily's eyes and it made her knees weak thinking about how much the older woman wanted her. And she wanted her too. God, she really did. She didn't know how long satisfying Emily's needs would be enough to keep her content. Inappropriate thoughts of the things they could do to each other in this room played like a slideshow in her mind.

Emily could see JJ grasping at the thin strands of self-control she had left, and if she was ever going to break down these newly formed walls, now would be the time. Placing her hands underneath JJ's ass she lifted the younger woman slightly, helping her sit on the counter. She ran her fingers up the blonde's thighs, tugging slightly, as she urged her legs open.

JJ let out a small whimper as she realized that she was definitely beginning to spiral out of control. She couldn't deny how good it felt to succumb to Emily's advances, to allow the brunette to stand between her parted thighs. Just the heat radiating off of the older woman's body caused her breathing to quicken and her head to fall back gently into the cabinet. There was no stopping this now. There was no stopping the adrenaline that pulsed through her veins or the burning that had formed between her legs.

The brunette knew that JJ was surrendering, permitting her mind to shut down as her hormones took over. She pulled the blonde towards the edge of the counter as she slipped her hands beneath the cover of JJ's robe, pressing her thumbs into her thighs. She was so close to her lover's sex, her fingers millimeters from sumptuous folds.

"Please," JJ whispered, wanting Emily to start before her cowardice had the chance to overcome her once again. The older woman was dangerously close to touching her, to delving into her wet heat and it was torture waiting for Emily to take the final step. "God, Emily. Just fucking touch me," she cried as she leaned down and captured the brunette's mouth with her own, biting at the woman's bottom lip.

Pulling away from her, Emily stared into JJ's cerulean eyes that were glossed over with lust. The first touch was delicate and she wouldn't have known that the blonde had even felt a thing if she hadn't seen JJ's head roll back, resting once again against the wooden cabinets.

Deciding that JJ was really okay with this, Emily allowed her index fingers to trace JJ's folds, gliding across moist flesh teasingly before delving three fingers into wet heat. She immediately felt JJ tense around her before relaxing moments later. She only continued to caress the younger woman after JJ slid her hips forward, attempting to allow Emily deeper access to the inside of her body.

JJ couldn't deny that she was scared, that her body trembled with fear as well as anticipation. The feelings of bliss were overwhelming, but she still found herself fighting against images of Hagin. Opening her eyes, she focused on Emily's face, trying to block out everything but the woman that was currently trying to fill the emptiness inside of her. It was euphoric; finally giving in to the one person she wanted more than anything. She gave a slight nod of her head as she noticed Emily subtlety asking for permission- permission to taste her. Her hands tangled in the older woman's dark brown hair as she spread her legs wider, allow Emily's tongue to dive inside of her.

"Mmm," JJ moaned. There were so many things she wanted to say, so many feelings she wanted to portray, but she couldn't form a single sentence, couldn't utter more than a simple groan. "Ahh. Mmm…" Her whimpers became more frequent as Emily's tongue continued to lick every inch of her swollen sex, dancing around her clit before probing deep within her. Her need for release was painful and just as much as she wanted it to never end, she begged for relief from her desire.

Emily could feel JJ getting closer as she alternated between her tongue and her fingers, waiting for the moment when she'd be witness to the blonde's orgasm. She felt the walls around her tighten in preparation for the release of pleasure before she quickened her pace, hardening her tongue against JJ's clit.

The end was near and she was about to fall over. She dug her nails into her own thighs, needing something to hold on to as Emily pushed her towards the edge. "Ahh… yes, yes, yes… don't… don't stop…" JJ's pleas and cries echoed through the room. "Mmm… Em… so close… ahmm… Em… fuck Emily!" The blonde's sounds reverberated off the walls of the kitchen as the orgasm raked through her body. Emily's fingers continued to push in and out of her drawing out the euphoria.

"Oh my God," JJ said breathily as she leaned forward on the older woman's shoulder, Emily still rubbing her clit lightly. She'd barely come down from the first high before she felt another one building.

"I could stay inside of you all day," Emily said in a sultry voice as she began to bring JJ towards the brink again.

The older woman's words caused her to gasp as a second wave rolled through her. "Mmm," she rasped again, "Emilyyy…"

The duo was so wrapped up in each other that they couldn't focus on anything else. The feeling of each other's bodies took over their minds as waves crashed through JJ and moans escaped both of their lips. They were so caught up in the feeling of the other one's skin that they'd been oblivious to the click of the front door moments earlier.

"Oh my God… Aunt J!"

Both women were snapped from their little world, Emily pulling her fingers quickly out of the blonde while JJ yanked her head up, locking eyes with the young woman that had walked into the kitchen. A 22-year-old redheaded girl stood in the doorway, turning her head slightly as she flushed with embarrassment.

"Ashley!" JJ screeched as she came back into the here-and-now. "Wha… what are you do... doing here?" The normally well scripted media liaison was at a loss for words as she stared at her shocked niece. She rapidly closed her still parted legs before hopping down off the counter and began to straighten up her ragged appearance.

"Is it safe to look?" Ashley questioned before bringing her attention back to the two breathless women. "I decided to come up here for a week since I had a few canceled classes and we have some time off at the end of the week," she explained, still mortified by the situation she'd walked in on. "By the way, Mimi and Pops are outside unloading the car. I called to let them know I'd be coming here and they wanted to join me. Just a fair warning."

Emily couldn't even fathom the circumstances that were unfolding in front of her. She'd just been caught red handed by JJ's niece while in just a few minutes the blonde's parents would be walking into the house. "Maybe we should go and get dressed," she suggested as she bit at her bottom lip. She looked over to see JJ pinching the bridge of her nose, a sure sign of stress.

"Ash, I'm so sorry," the younger woman apologized as she shook her head.

"No worries," the redhead smiled. "It's good to see you, even though I hadn't planned on seeing that much of you. Now go… clean up before they see you! Oh, and you may want to pick up the trail of clothes that are littering the stairs."

"How much did you see?" JJ asked concerned as she walked by her niece.

"It's not so much what I saw as what I heard."

* * *

" _If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances."_

_-Julia Soul_

Emily stood underneath the hot water, letting it run down her lithe form as she struggled to hold herself together. She could've crumpled right there in the shower, overtaken with humiliation. She shook her head, laughing at the irony of what had transpired. She'd finally gotten to feel all of JJ, finally been able to taste that beautiful blue-eyed woman, only to have Ashley walk in on her going down on her aunt. "Way to win over the Jareau family," she whispered to herself as she lathered her body with vanilla scented soap.

"Talking to yourself?"

The brunette jumped in surprise when she heard JJ's voice and felt the small presence behind her.

"JJ, you can't be in here!" she squeaked. "Your parents are downstairs and we just got caught by your niece. Is that not enough trouble for you?"

The younger woman simply shook her head. "Ashley won't say anything," she giggled. "Yes, I'll admit. It was extremely awkward and she may be forever scarred, but hell girl, you are fantastic with that mouth of yours." She slinked her hands around Emily's wet body, resting them on her toned abdomen.

"You can't seriously be trying to get some right now," Emily said with an uncomfortable laugh. "I am absolutely horrified! I didn't exactly plan on meeting your niece seconds after I'd just finished you off!"

JJ could tell by Emily's shaky voice how truly upset her lover was. Downstairs hadn't been the first time that a family member had caught her in a precarious situation. There were numerous times in high school when her mother had drug her from the lips of some boy while they made out on the front porch or there was the time that she'd been babysitting Ashley and the seven year old had snuck out of bed to catch her in the 69 position on the couch. So what if she wasn't the sweet little 'All-American Girl' everyone thought she was. But she understood that Emily had endured a completely different upbringing and while she knew that the raven-haired profiler had been a bit of a hell raiser herself, her parents hadn't been around enough to walk in on her sucking face in the living room.

"Listen, Em. You, we, have nothing to be sorry about. So we happened to get caught by my niece while we were in the throes of passion," she smirked, "but things will be okay. Ashley isn't little miss innocent either and I have plenty of things I can hold over her head that will ensure she keeps her mouth shut." The blonde laid a soft kiss on Emily's neck as she rested her head of her shoulder.

Emily turned in JJ's arms, leaning into the smaller woman as she let out a sigh. "I just don't want her thinking that we're in some kind of sex crazed relationship and nothing else. This, you and me, it's serious or at least I want it to be. I just don't want to give anyone a reason to question our relationship; especially your family… who I didn't plan on meeting this soon."

"All valid points, but no one has any grounds to question the validity of what we have going on. So what if it's only been, well, one weekend. That doesn't make this any less real or make you any less important to me. I've wanted you for as long as I can remember, even through my relationship with Will, and I'm not going to let anything get in the way of that. Not even my very sneaky little niece. Got it?" JJ said, trying to ease the nerves of the woman in front of her. Emily simply nodded her head. "Now let's finish getting washed up so I can introduce my parents to my girlfriend."

"Your girlfriend?" Emily asked, a huge grin plastered across her face. "Do they even know you like girls?"

"Yes, my girlfriend. If you're okay with that," JJ stated matter-of-factly. "And no, they have no idea that I like girls, but they have nothing to worry about because I only like _one_ girl."

"You're such a smooth talker," the brunette smiled before planting a knee-weakening kiss on JJ's lips. "I would love nothing more than to be introduced to your parents... as your girlfriend."

" _Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."_

_-Robert Heinlein_


	6. Chapter 6

_"Only an Aunt can give hugs like a mother, can keep secrets like a sister and share love like a friend."_

_-Author Unknown_

Thirty minutes after the duo had went to shower and change, JJ made her way down the stairs, running her hand along the oak banister. Her black sweater hung loosely off of her right shoulder as her normally straight golden locks cascaded down her back in a sea of waves. She tugged at her sleeves self-consciously, wanting to make sure that the cut that ran the length of her left forearm was completely covered. Her parents had been informed of her abduction a day or so after she'd went missing, but she wanted to spare them the gruesome details, just as she always tried to do after a case had left her a little worse for the wear.

The smell of simmering bacon floated through the Jareau cabin and JJ figured that her mother hadn't been able to resist the temptation to cook breakfast upon learning that her daughter was there. Just as she was about to round the corner into the kitchen, fingers gripped tightly around her arm and pulled her stumbling backwards. Her first instincts were to start swinging or reach for her gun, but she calmed once she caught a glimpse of fiery hair.

"Ash, are you crazy?" JJ questioned, obviously annoyed. "You know I don't do well with being snuck up on. I'm a freaking FBI Agent for crying out loud."

"Don't get sassy with me. You owe me big time! Do you know how lucky you are that I caught you and not Mimi and Pops?" Ashley said with a smug look on her face.

"Oh, don't even act like you're some kind of angel, Ashley Michelle. You owe me from all those times I covered for your ass on the weekends I was home visiting while you were off hooking up in the back seat of Paul's junker car! There are some things an aunt shouldn't know about her niece, and that is one of them."

"Don't start pulling out middle names, Jennifer Jean! And you know we were raised more like sisters anyway so do not pretend that it pains you knowing I lost my virginity to a guy I'd been dating for three years," Ashley retorted, sticking out her tongue in a very child-like manner. "Enough with the arguing… who's the babe?"

JJ's sapphire eyes grew wide, "Babe? Since when did you switch teams?"

"Um, anyone with eyes can see that Emily is totally hot, Aunt J. And I didn't, but when did you?" The redhead wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

A blush crept into the blonde's cheeks as she contemplated the question. "I don't know honestly. It just sort of happened." She paused, a smile gracing her flawless features as she thought about Emily and how rapidly their relationship had progressed in just a few days. "But God, she is so amazing."

"I gathered as much from all the, ahem, screaming you were doing in the kitchen. Which, ew… I really hope Mimi wiped down the counter before she started making breakfast," Ashley said in mock disgust.

"Shut up, brat," JJ replied playfully before throwing her arm over her green-eyed niece's shoulder and dragging her into the kitchen.

Jeanette Jareau stood in front of the sink, rinsing the spinach as the girls entered the room. Her graying red hair was held in place by a small clip, a few strands falling haphazardly in front of her face. JJ grinned as she watched her mama wipe her hands on the front of her faded jeans; the woman never could use a damn dish towel.

"Jenny Benny!" Alexander Jareau's booming voice echoed through the room as he looked up from the paper and noticed JJ standing there.

"Hi daddy," the blonde smiled before walking over to her father, allowing him to envelope her in one of his infamous bear hugs. He was still as handsome as ever with salt and pepper hair, and emerald eyes. His face was lined with wrinkles from years of playing sports out in the sun. He would often go on tangents about sunscreen being a bunch of crap because hell, he was just fine.

JJ winced slightly as her father let her go, feeling the place in her ribs where he'd squeezed her a little too tightly. She knew that he pretended not to notice; neither of them ever wanting to worry her fragile mother.

"JJ, it's so good to see you!" her mother squealed before hurrying over and placing her hands on her daughters small shoulders. "Penelope called to tell us about what happened and we're just so glad that you're okay. You are okay, right?"

"Yes ma'am, I'm fine," JJ placated before pulling the woman into a hug. "You get used to being tossed around when you work for the FBI." As soon as the words left her mouth, JJ wished she could take them back. She shook her head lightly, preparing herself for the rant that was about to come.

"Tossed around?" Jeanette questioned in a frightened voice. "Were you badly hurt? Penelope assured us that you were going to be okay. My goodness, if that girl lied to me I'll… well, I don't know what I'll do. Be mad, that's for sure!"

"Now Jeanie Beanie, don't work yourself up over there. Jennifer said she was fine. I believe her and so should you," her father said from his chair, giving a slight wink to his daughter.

"Just a few bumps and bruises," JJ said, giving her usual response, trusting that it would be enough to calm her frenzied mother. "So what's for breakfast?" She hoped talking about food would divert the older Jareau woman's attention since she loved to cook.

"Well as long as you're sure that's all it is," Jeanette stated, not willing to fully drop the subject, as she walked back over to the sink. "Spinach omelets, bacon and I was thinking about trying out these new biscuits I saw Rachael Ray whip up."

"Mimi, did we pick up asparagus when we stopped at the grocery store. An asparagus omelet sounds amazing!" Ashley said, practically singing the last word.

"Oh yeah, Grams used to make those and they were pretty awesome," JJ smiled as she walked toward her mother. "Do you need any help, mom?" She watched as Jeanette pulled the asparagus from the fridge before setting it on the counter. Not waiting for the older woman to answer, she took the asparagus and began to break the ends off, just the way her Grams had taught her.

"Does your friend, um… what did Ashley say her name was? Um, Emily! Yes, does Emily like spinach or asparagus?" Jeanette asked.

"I uh," JJ paused as she realized that she wasn't really sure. "I think she'll eat either. She's not really that picky from what I've seen."

"Whichever is easiest for you," Emily said as she stepped into kitchen, surprising everyone. Her straight black hair hung just above her shoulders, grazing the top of her alabaster shoulders. A barely audible gasp escaped JJ's lips as she ogled the woman in front of her, transfixed on the see-through ivory lace blouse that fit tightly over a blank tank top. Emily Prentiss was absolutely stunning in every sense of the word.

"You finally decided to join us," the blonde joked, emerging from her stupor as she walked over to her friend. "No preference for breakfast? Even though I can assure you that whatever my mom cooks will be fabulous."

"I'll have what you're having," Emily grinned, a suggestive undertone in her voice that only JJ- and maybe Ashley- noticed.

The media liaison flashed a devilish smile at the older woman, one that suggested that if her parents weren't currently in the room, she would finish having her for breakfast… lunch… and even dinner. Her appetite for the brunette was insatiable and seeing her in skin-tight denim was more than enough to drive her wild once again. She mentally took note of all the things she would do to Emily later before turning her attention back to her family.

"Nice to officially meet you, Emily," Ashley said, not waiting to be introduced as she lifted her arm in a slight wave, a smirk evident on her face. She resembled JJ when she had that 'I know something everyone else doesn't' look and Emily couldn't help but already hold a soft spot for the obviously wise-ass college girl.

"Likewise, Ashley," the brunette replied, shaking hands with JJ's niece.

"Em, this is my daddy, Alexander," JJ said, pointing towards the tall man that now sat with his hands folded neatly on top of his paper. "But most people just call him AJ since he thinks that Alexander is far too stuffy."

"Well it's true," the man huffed as he stood up from the table and walked towards Emily before grasping her hand in his own. "It's a pleasure to meet you Emily. I'm assuming that you work with Jenny Benny?"

Emily giggled a little at the cutesy nickname before answering the man's question, "Yes sir, I do."

"Any friend of JJ's is a friend of mine," he smiled as he stepped away and grabbed a few coffee mugs from the cabinet. "Emily, are you as addicted to coffee as little JJ is?"

The brunette beamed at the older man, taking comfort in his voice, as she accepted the mug he extended to her. "I don't think anyone drinks as much coffee as JJ, but I do like a cup or two in the mornings to keep me going."

"Hey!" JJ pouted, trying to sound defensive when really she was more amused. "Mom might as well have an IV of caffeine flowing into her system with all the coffee she drinks."

"Now don't start picking on me, Jennifer Jean," Jeanette glared playfully before introducing herself to Emily and drawing her into a friendly hug. "I don't do handshakes."

"That's good to know," Emily responded before turning her attention to her blonde friend. "Jennifer Jean. Should I start calling you Triple J now?"

"Apparently, my parents are a big fan of alliteration, or at least they were when they decided to name me," JJ sighed as she sat down at the table next to AJ. "They should've just named me Jeanette Junior and gotten it over with."

"You do look an awful lot like her, minus the fire engine hair that is," Emily countered, nudging her foot against JJ as she took the seat next to her.

"Not quite fire engine anymore," Jeanette smiled, setting the food on the table. "Ashley inherited that wonderful trait. They say it skips a generation, you know."

"Yeah, I got lucky," Ashley said as helped her grandmother pass out plates and silverware.

"Well they also say that redheads are soulless, so how lucky do you feel now?" JJ asked as she raised her eyebrows at her niece.

"Jennifer!" her mother scolded.

"Not you, mama. Just Ash."

"Do the two of you often argue like children?" Emily questioned.

"Yes," AJ spoke up before either of them had a chance, not looking up from his paper.

"Alexander, put the paper down and fix yourself a plate. You all need to start eating before it gets cold," Jeanette said as she sat the biscuits on the table and slid out the chair next to her husband. "I didn't spend all morning slaving over a hot stove just so it could go to waste."

Neither Ashley nor JJ could hold it in as they burst out laughing at their overdramatic relative. "Mimi always like to make it seem like all she does it cook when in reality, most of her meals, while delicious, don't take more than half an hour. She's a huge fan of Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Meals."

"And just for that, you two giggle boxes are in charge of the dishes," Jeanette reprimanded.

Emily couldn't contain the smile that was etched across her face all through breakfast as she enjoyed witnessing the Jareau family's playful banter and loving antics. She'd been slightly thrown at one point when JJ threw a biscuit at her father, causing a short lived food fight to develop between the pair; only to be ended moments later with a few quick yells from an upset Mrs. Jareau. The graying woman had shaken her head, complaining that the small family couldn't even behave with company present. Emily sighed inwardly as she wondered what it had been like to grow up in a family like JJ's, one that appeared to be as close as ever even after the death of a daughter so many years ago, even after they only saw each other once or twice every few months. Her life growing up could've been classified as anything but 'close-knit.'

Noticing Emily's far-off look, JJ ran her foot up the brunette's leg, hoping to catch her attention. It worked. The older woman looked in her direction, only nodding when JJ mouthed, "Are you okay?" Slightly satisfied, the blonde began to contemplate just how she would bring up the topic of her and Emily's blooming relationship to her parents. Should she start talking about it now at breakfast or wait until a little later, like when they were in the car pulling out of the driveway kind of later? She honestly couldn't even fathom how they may react. She knew that no matter what, they loved her and always would. She couldn't imagine her ever-doting parents shunning her for any reason, especially for who she loved.

"Jennifer!" her mother said a little louder this time, snapping JJ out of her reverie. "Did you hear what I asked?"

"No ma'am. I'm sorry. I was totally spaced out for a minute," the blonde apologized.

"I asked what time you planned on leaving today since Emily said she wasn't exactly sure."

"Oh, um probably around 1 o'clock or so. I want to get back in time to straighten up the house and get ready for Henry to come home tomorrow. God, I can't wait to hear those little feet running around the house again."

"Did you and Will figure out a schedule? I know you're always telling me how unpredictable your hours are," Ashley chimed in as she took a sip of her coffee.

"We had things pretty routine before…" JJ paused, hating to bring up her abduction again, "before the last case so we'll probably just go back to that. It's basically half and half when I'm not jetting out of town. It's hard trying to make everything completely stable for Henry with my job, but I'm getting it down to a science. Or at least I hope I am."

"I think you're doing a great job," Emily comforted, unknowingly placing her hand on top of JJ's.

Ashley quickly cleared her throat, causing both women to jump, their hands separating as if they'd just received an unexpected shock. JJ realized then that it was now or never. If she truly was batting for the other team, and Emily' team at that, she needed to step up to the plate.

" _If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees."_

_-Khalil Gibran_

JJ and Emily stood at the kitchen sink washing and drying dishes while the Jareau family was upstairs, settling into their respective rooms. The brunette had dismissed Ashley from her clean up duties in hopes of talking to JJ about revealing their growing relationship to her parents. She knew that the younger woman was nervous, as was she, and if JJ wanted to wait to tell them then she'd accept that. She'd learnt a long time ago how difficult it could be to admit to yourself that you were different and even harder to expose your differences to others. But she had a feeling that JJ's parents would be receptive; from what she'd witnessed in just a few hours, they appeared to be accepting people. From the moment she'd stepped into the kitchen with them, she'd never felt more welcome. She couldn't even remember ever feeling that comfortable in her own home in between her own parents.

"I considered telling them at breakfast," JJ spoke up as she scrubbed at a stubborn pan. "But it just didn't seem like the right time. How will I even know when the right time is? When is the right time to look at your parents and introduce them to your girlfriend?"

"Well, men do it all the time," Emily joked, trying to calm the frantic blonde. The look on JJ's face didn't soften and Emily realized that it would take more than a few quips to calm her girlfriend's frenzied nerves. "You know, I never told my mother that I was attracted to women because I never thought any of the relationships would ever be serious enough to be worth sharing. There were a few random girls at Yale, but only one that I actually dated. It didn't work out though so I continued to pursue relationships with men in hopes that I'd just been going through a phase. I didn't want to accept that I might be bisexual or gay or just different. And you know, over time I actually began to believe that it was just a phase… until I met you," the brunette explained, peering down into her partner's crystal clear blue eyes. "I know I didn't admit it when you did and that I still haven't spent a lot of time talking about my feelings because I'm not used to that, but from the moment you walked into Hotch's office on my first day, I've been fascinated with you. I'm sorry that I didn't come clean in the hospital. I was just in such a state of shock that I couldn't even imagine that what you were saying was true. You were so damn doped up," she smiled, "that I was afraid you were just rambling or that you wouldn't remember. But when you came back to work, I realized that I'd really hurt you and for that I truly am sorry."

JJ gazed into the face of the woman whom she so desperately wanted to grab onto and never let go. She knew what it had taken for Emily to say all of those things, to talk about her feelings and to apologize. "What made you decide to say all of that right now?" she questioned, wondering where it had all come from. "I mean, I'm so very glad you did, but it wasn't exactly a smooth segue." She smiled, a twinkle glimmering in her eyes.

"I just wanted you to realize that no matter what, I'm here for you. No matter how your parents react, no matter what happens when we tell the team, no matter what Will says, I'm here for you, Jayje. You don't even have to tell your parents today if you're not ready. This trip was about discovering us and where we stood. I think it's pretty safe to say that we've done that."

"Yeah, I think we have, but I want to tell them. I don't want it to seem like I am hiding you because, I promise, there's nothing I want to do more than show you off," JJ explained before planting a delicate kiss on Emily's lips. "I want them to know who you are and what you mean to me."

Without another word the two women finished washing the dishes before pouring themselves some more coffee and walking together out onto the back porch, where JJ was sure her parents would be waiting. True to form, AJ and Jeanette Jareau were sitting in their rocking chairs. JJ's father was finishing up the paper while Jeanette sat contentedly, reading a book on her Kindle. It always made JJ's heart flutter when she saw them together, sitting in a comfortable silence, exchanging the occasional glance or reaching for each other's hands. It was exactly how she'd pictured her life being when she got older.

"Thank you so much for helping JJ tidy up the kitchen, Emily," Jeanette thanked the brunette. "It would've taken her and Ashley hours as much as they argue."

"Very funny," JJ laughed as she sat down on the bench next to Emily, turning her body in the direction of her parents. "Do you think I could talk to the two of you about something?" She watched in anticipation as her father set down his paper and remove his glasses. He could tell when JJ was serious and it was evident all over her face.

"What's wrong Jenny Benny?" AJ questioned, stealing a fleeting glimpse at his wife who looked like she was ready to pass out. She also knew that tone and she was so afraid that their daughter was about to deliver bad news.

"Nothing's wrong, I promise. Actually, everything is great. It's just… I… I don't really know where to start… or what to say," JJ admitted. "That doesn't happen to me often seeing as how I spend so much time in front of the press." The blonde tried to make light of the situation, hoping to prove to her parents that she was being truthful when she said nothing was wrong.

"Does this have anything to do with Ashley trying desperately to slow us down as we carried the suitcases inside?" Jeanette questioned.

"Um, I'm not really sure," the blonde giggled. "I didn't have anything to do with that one, but it's possible." She inhaled deeply, filling her lungs as much as possible, praying that the air she'd breathed in was full of the courage she'd need to finish what she'd started. "It's about Emily. Well, actually it's about Emily and me. When I introduced her to you all, I left out one little detail. She's not just my co-worker or just my friend; she's my… my girlfriend."

" _I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you."_

_-Roy Croft_


	7. Chapter 7

" _The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together."_

_-Erma Bombeck_

Jeanette Jareau barely flinched as the words left her daughter's mouth. "You're girlfriend?" she questioned.

"Yes, girlfriend; as in we're dating," JJ reiterated, exchanging quick glances with both of her parents before looking down at her hands. She felt her heart beating at a rapid pace, the blood racing through her veins. She felt herself slipping, losing control of all functions. She'd done it. She'd told her family about Emily and she sat, unable to read their reactions. She was second guessing herself at a monumental rate, wondering if she'd worded it correctly, if she'd waited for the right time, if she'd chosen the right place.

"How long have you…" JJ's mother paused as she sat processing what her daughter had just told her.

"Just this weekend, but that doesn't make it any less real or any less important to me. I hadn't planned on you finding out this soon to be honest. However, you all showed up and I didn't want you to find out later then start thinking that I was trying to hide our relationship from you," the blonde sputtered.

"No, not that. How long have you known that you are attracted to women?"

"I uh… well technically…" JJ stumbled over her words, trying to piece together the correct thing to say that wouldn't make her relationship with Emily seem like it was on some sort of trial basis. "Just Emily. I'd never wanted to be with a woman before Emily, but I know this is right," she admitted.

"Jennifer," Jeanette started, "Your father and I already had an idea that you and Emily were more than just friends.

"Wha… how?" the blonde stuttered, slightly stunned. She was shocked to say the least. Had Ashley let it slip? Had she and Emily been louder than she'd thought? Had her parents seen her kiss Emily in the kitchen while they were doing the dishes? Questions clouded her mind as she wondered exactly what they'd done to make her parents realize that their relationship was far more than platonic.

"We may not be FBI profilers, Jenny Benny, but we're not blind either," her father laughed as his green eyes connected with his daughter's electric blue ones. "The two of you aren't exactly subtle by any means. You practically collapsed a lung when Emily walked into the kitchen earlier and the way you two looked at each other throughout breakfast didn't make it any less obvious."

A bewildered silence overtook JJ as she contemplated what AJ had just explained. If it was that obvious to JJ's parents, then how would they survive walking into the bullpen on Monday morning? How could they stop the longing stares that they didn't realize were happening? Morgan would surely notice, followed shortly after by Hotch and Rossi. Boy Wonder would most likely be the only one left in the dark seeing as how his mind ran on an entirely different wavelength.

Emily had felt JJ's body tense under the hand that rested on the small of her back. She assumed that they were concerned about the same thing, about how to keep their newfound connection hidden from Strauss. Interoffice relationships were a big 'no-no' with the FBI; Garcia and Kevin were lucky since they didn't exactly work in close proximity to one another. However, she and JJ would be sure to catch hell immediately once the Section Chief caught wind of them being lovers. An audible sigh blew through her lips as she rested her head on JJ's shoulder from behind. She heard a sniffle come from JJ and she knew instinctively that her girlfriend was more than likely fighting against the brim of tears, for what reason she couldn't be positive.

"So you're not disappointed in me?" JJ inquired with a hint of desperation evident in her voice.

"Don't even consider that a possibility, sweetheart," her father smiled, letting her know that he wasn't upset with the decision she had made. "You can't control who you are in love with and if the person you're in love with just so happens to be a woman then more power to ya." He winked an emerald eye to emphasize his point. He was trying to keep the air around them light, feeling JJ teetering on the edge. All her life he'd watched her put up a strong front, but he knew what happened when that wall crumbled and he didn't want his daughter to come unglued over something that he found to be just another chapter in her existence.

JJ sighed as she softened following her father's words. "Daddy, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that," she said as she got up off the bench before going to hug him. Taking another deep breath, she turned her attention to her now silent mother. "Are you okay with this?" she asked.

"Jennifer, I love you," Jeanette answered as she stared at her breathtakingly beautiful child. "I'm still processing it, of course. You being with a woman, with Emily, is just so unexpected."

The blonde nodded her head in understanding, feeling broken. "I know it's sudden and that it can be hard to accept, but I really need you to be okay with this relationship, even if that takes some time," she muttered, her voice cracking as tears began to fall.

"Oh honey, don't cry. I wasn't saying that I'm not okay with you and Emily being together. It's just going to take some time to get used to. All I want is for you to be happy. And I'll be honest; I'm just worried about what this means for you and what you may have to face. Not everyone is comfortable seeing two women together. What will this mean for your job? How will your bosses react? And what about Will- does he know?" Questions fell rapidly from Jeanette's lips as she thought about all the hardships her daughter could possibly come across due to her relationship with her co-worker.

"We're just taking it one day at a time," Emily spoke up, giving JJ a chance to compose herself. "There's a rule at work about interoffice fraternization, but we have a very supportive team and I'm hoping that when we tell them they'll be there for us. I know that I didn't plan on falling for your daughter, but I did. I'm well aware that things won't be easy for JJ, for either of us. However, I'm willing to accept the good with the bad as long as it means I get to be with her. I want nothing more than to see her happy."

Jeanette gave Emily a grateful smile before standing from her rocking chair and wrapping her still crying daughter in her loving arms. "Don't ever apologize for being who you are, JJ."

* * *

" _Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law."_

_-Boethius_

Emily stared out the window as they pulled up in front of her condo. Dusk had now settled atop the luminous building, the city lights casting an ethereal glow across the pair of them as they sat silently in JJ's car. They'd spent a few extra hours at the Jareau cabin, fielding numerous questions from the blonde's curious parents before being practically forced to stay for a late lunch by Jeanette. It had been so hard to resist the graying redhead's pleas as she'd stood solemnly in the kitchen, overdramatizing her pout while she gave JJ the guilt trip about only seeing her once every few months. It had definitely thrown off their plans for the evening and Emily knew that JJ was probably trying to figure out how she was going to unpack, straighten up the house, shower, prepare for Henry to come home tomorrow, eat dinner and sleep all before work tomorrow.

Neither of them had discussed Emily's previous offer of helping out with Henry until JJ healed completely. It was as if somehow being back in the city, back to real life, they didn't know how to act around each other. They'd talked languidly on the way back to DC, settling on conversations that weren't too mentally stimulating, emotionally drained after spending most of the day smiling and explaining little things in their budding relationship to JJ's parents. The Jareau's had handled the entire situation well, growing more excited about their daughter's love life every time they noticed the way JJ and Emily looked at each other. Now however, the duo sat in silence, each waiting for the other to speak up, to calm the nerves that burned inside of them as they wondered what work was going to be like tomorrow.

JJ turned her head slightly, allowing her blue eyes to pierce through the wall she felt Emily rebuilding. As soon as they'd arrived in DC, she sensed the brunette tensing back up, slowly putting back the pieces she'd let JJ take down in just a few days. JJ couldn't deny that it hurt to feel like she was being blocked out. She'd let Emily in. She'd broken down a huge wall in an extremely short amount of time, one that Hagin had taken part in putting there, because she wanted to prove to Emily that she was in this for the long haul. She wanted her friend to recognize that she wanted her as a girlfriend, a partner, a lover. Being timid wasn't part of who she was and neither was being afraid, but she had been both of those things when the brunette had tried to get close to her. And then, for some unknown reason, she'd let those emotions go and instead focused on what she felt for the woman sitting beside her. She'd wanted so much to break down her barriers in hopes that Emily would do the same. For a moment it seemed to have worked, but now they were right back where they'd started from.

"What do we do now?" Emily asked, still staring out into the roosting darkness. "I'm not trying to block you out JJ. I just don't know how to do this here. It's been so long since I've had to be someone besides SSA Prentiss that I don't know if I can just be Emily anymore. It was easier at the cabin where I didn't have to worry about who would see that side of me, the vulnerable side. I don't like being vulnerable, Jayje. In my life, I've never had a chance to be and now that it's here, how do I do it?"

"I'm not asking you to change who you are, Em. I just want you. All of you," JJ whispered, sounding defeated.

"And I want you, but it all feels so different here. It's like the world is watching us or something. I feel like I'm going to be waiting for the moment when I'm so happy I that can't stand it and then suddenly, Strauss will come and take it all away."

"Can't we just worry about that when the time comes? You're shutting me out over something that might happen before… before something even has the chance to happen!" The blonde felt her frustration rising along with her voice as the need to yell at Emily became overwhelming. "You can't keep pushing people away every time they get close to you because you're so worried about the what if's and all of that bullshit. Get over it, Emily! I did. I let you touch me after what he did. Do you not realize that? I gave myself over to you because I trust you completely. Because I trust you not to hurt me, to protect me, to be there for me. Why can't you let me be that person for you? Why don't you have that same kind of trust in me?"

Emily hung her head, shame washing over her as she realized that everything JJ said was true. She didn't know how to be weak, to let someone be the protector she needed, because she'd spent so much of her life being that for herself. She wanted to open up and let JJ be there for her. "I do trust you," were the only words that Emily could muster.

Shaking her head, trying to rid herself of the frustration that burned inside of her, JJ opened her door before stepping out of the car. She let it slam as she opened the hatch and grabbed Emily's suitcases before she began dragging them towards the woman's front door. She was halfway to the elevator before the brunette caught up with her.

"Don't be mad at me," Emily said as she followed her girlfriend into the awaiting elevator. The silver doors closed quickly and an uncomfortable silence settled around the pair of them. The red numbers ticked higher and higher as the older woman waited for JJ to say something. "And don't ignore me either!" she yelled before pushing the stop button.

"What the fuck, Emily?" JJ hollered back, not liking the fact that they were suspended in the air. She wanted to make the elevator start up again, but the brunette had positioned herself in front of the buttons. "Can we just get upstairs first and then fight?"

"Is that what this is… a fight? How did that even happen?"

"I don't know!" JJ screamed before repeating the words in a softer tone. "I don't know…" She rested her head against the stainless steel wall, leaning into it completely before slouching down onto the floor. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to focus her thoughts as her anger began to subside. "I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I really don't even know why I did. I just don't want you to shut me out. I can't handle that after everything I've already been through. I thought if I let you in... in that way then maybe you'd open up more. It was wrong for me to expect anything from you and it wasn't fair to consider it some kind of trade."

Emily walked over to the younger woman before sinking to the floor beside her. She leaned her head against JJ's shoulder, her raven hair falling into her face. "We shouldn't be arguing with each other this soon," she laughed uncomfortably. "Are lesbian relationships different? Is there no honeymoon phase?" She paused, lifting her face to catch a glimpse of the blonde, noticing that she still looked solemn and slightly pissed off. Okay, so maybe joking wasn't the way to go. "I'm sorry if you feel like I pushed into… sex. That's not what I was trying to do, Jayje. I'll admit that I wanted it, that I wanted you, but not if you weren't ready."

"That's not what this is about, Emily," JJ stated before blue eyes connected with brown. "This is about you shutting me out after I let you in. It's about you trying to compartmentalize your feelings and yeah, I get that you're good at that, but you don't need to do that with me. I'm scared too; of what will happen when the team finds out or when I have to explain this all to Will. Just don't make that a reason to push me away."

"Holding people at a distance is the only thing I'm good at."

JJ sighed, feeling like this conversation was going nowhere. They were both talking in circles, repeating the same things in hopes of getting different answers. She shrugged out from beneath Emily before standing and starting the elevator again. Moments later, it dinged to signal they had reached Emily's floor. Her hand reached for the bags she'd carried up, but was stopped as Emily grasped the younger woman's hand in her own, grabbing her bags with the other. They walked in silence, halting in front of Emily's door as the brunette dug through her purse in search of her keys.

"Thanks for asking me to go with you this weekend," the older woman mumbled as she unlocked her door. There was sincerity in her voice, but she couldn't muster up the effort needed to look her lover in the eyes. "I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow." She leaned forward, pressing her lips against JJ's, hoping that it would say more than her words could at the moment. The kiss was brief and the blonde simply nodded before turning back the way they'd come and entering the elevator once again.

* * *

" _Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it."_

_\- Swedish Proverb_

JJ lay tangled in her sheets as her eyes stared up at the spackled ceiling, not able to get comfortable, not able to let her mind rest. She'd spent the evening tidying up her home, channeling all of her frustrations into preparing for Henry to come back tomorrow. As much as she missed her son, she couldn't focus on anyone but Emily. The woman was infuriating and so used to closing herself off. JJ still couldn't remember how the argument had started. Was it even an argument? She didn't know. It basically felt like she'd been yelling while Emily had sat there, taking it.

Guilt quickly washed over her as she remembered the look on the older woman's face. She'd genuinely appeared sorry and even ashamed. JJ knew that she shouldn't be angry with her for being the same person she'd always been, but it was hard not to feel upset. She'd introduced Emily to her parents as her girlfriend for crying out loud! Apparently that wasn't enough though and she didn't know what it would take to make Emily realize that she really wanted to be there for her.

She'd finally settled her exhausted body deeper into the covers when the sound of the doorbell echoed through her house. Glancing over, the numbers on her clock read 11:17. Who the hell was here this late? Would a serial killer ring the doorbell? "Nice, JJ. Someone shows up at your home and your first thought is serial killer. You've seriously been working too much," she said to herself as she made her way down the stairs.

"Hey," a small voice said when she opened the door. "I couldn't sleep."

Without saying a word, JJ ushered Emily into the house before closing and locking the door. She made her way back up the stairs, knowing that the brunette would be right behind her.

Emily didn't know what else to say as she followed the blonde into her bedroom, letting out a sigh as JJ took off her robe and hung it on the bed railing. She let her eyes trail the length of the younger woman's body, appreciating the silken green nightgown as she slipped under the covers. Still not speaking, Emily made her way to the other side of the bed, scooting closer to JJ before lacing her arms around her tiny frame. She took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her girlfriend's damp hair. Honeysuckles.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, pressing her face into the crook of the younger woman's neck.

"Me too, Em. Me too."

" _The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."_

_-Robert Frost_


	8. Chapter 8

_"Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death."_

_-Omar N. Bradley_

"Don't touch me!" JJ screamed before she curled away from Emily and tucked herself into the fetal position. Her body wracked with sobs as images from her nightmare began to subside. The only problem was she was still living her nightmare. Hagin still had power over her even in her waking hours. It was 2:30 in the morning and nothing could comfort the terror that had taken her captive, leaving her nothing more than the empty shell of the strong woman she used to be. She'd thought that by allowing someone else to fill the void inside of her that memories of what had been done to her would slowly dissipate. But they hadn't. Being with Emily wasn't enough.

"Jayje, honey, it was just a nightmare," Emily shushed as her hand lay on the bed. She'd noticed JJ whimpering some moments before and she'd hoped that by wrapping her distraught girlfriend in arms that she'd be able to offer solace and comfort.

"It's a nightmare that never fucking ends!" the blonde yelled as she jumped from the bed, her nightgown hanging haphazardly from her shoulder while she ran her hands through her knotted hair. She paced circles in front of the window, wrapping her arms around her lithe body in hopes of calming her frenzied nerves. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to make it stop."

Emily's heart broke as she watched tears stream down her girlfriend's face. Standing up and taking a chance, she walked over and pulled the younger woman into her arms. Immediately she felt JJ's knees buckle and she let both of them drop to the ground, cradling the blonde in her arms as she whispered soothing words into her ear. Her fingers brushed out golden locks while she began to rock them side to side. The woman she held had all the qualities of a broken child and Emily was unsure of what she could do to help mend her lover.

A loud sigh escaped JJ's lips as she buried her face deeper into the crook of Emily's neck. She was exhausted in all senses of the word and she no longer knew what it meant to truly rest, to sleep. "Please just make it stop," she cried.

"Oh baby, I wish I could. Believe me I wish I could," Emily said as sympathetic tears left trails along her perfect cheeks. She sat holding the blonde, waiting only minutes before she heard her breathing even out. JJ had finally gone back to sleep.

Moving carefully, the brunette laced her arm under JJ's legs and another supported her head. It took her a few moments to catch her bearings, JJ wasn't much lighter than she was, but with easy steps she managed to lay her sleeping lover back down on the flannel sheets. She ran a hand over the blonde's forehead, pushing strands of hair from her eyes before she pressed her lips against the delicate skin of JJ's cheek.

"Sweet dreams."

* * *

JJ sat uncomfortably in the plush black chair as the man continued to stare at her, waiting patiently for her to answer his question. How was she holding up? She figured that was obvious; her hair was thrown back in a sloppy ponytail and she knew there were circles forming under her eyes from a lack of sleep. She'd managed to survive her first two evaluations unscathed. The doctor had cleared her for work. She'd passed through the ballistics exam with flying colors; still a perfect shot, despite the disappearing bruises and healing tears beneath her skin. Now, here she sat, face to face with the man who held her fate in his hands.

"Listen, Agent Jareau," Dr. Mortin started, "I don't expect you to not be affected by the abduction, but I can't clear you for the field until you talk to me. We can start with simpler questions if you'd like."

The blonde noticeably rolled her eyes as she shook her head. "If I'm honest with you and tell you all the hell that I've been going through, I really don't think you're going to sign that paper when I leave here," she stated in frustration.

"I've been working here a long time and many agents have sat right where you are. It's very seldom that I don't sign off on an agent returning to the field. You hold a very important position among your team. They need you and I know that. I think on some deeper level you do to, but you're too stubborn to admit how valuable you are. Do you think that's a correct assessment?" He paused but didn't wait for her reply. "Just answer a few questions. Be honest with me and as long as I don't feel like you're going to go out there and purposely get yourself hurt or shoot someone for no reason, then you're pretty much free to go."

JJ glanced up from her hands which she'd been staring at for the past ten minutes, taking a moment to notice the withering old man that was in front of her. If she had to guess, he was nearing retirement. His glasses were as thick as bottle caps and no amount of Rogaine was going to make his hair grow back. He had more wrinkles than the shar pei her parents had bought after her sister died. Not to mention, he was small and frail with drab clothing that was probably older than Emily. She smiled to herself, knowing that her girlfriend would hate the fact that she was thinking about their 8 year age difference.

"Did I do something to elicit that smile?" the doctor questioned before seeing her grin drop immediately. "What caused that?"

She sighed, knowing that the only way she was getting out of this God forsaken room was by talking. She'd never been much for going against authority and in this case, Dr. Mortin was the authority figure. But that didn't mean she was going to go out of her way to let him pick her brain. "A good friend."

"Did you spend your extended weekend with this friend?"

"Yes and I saw my family."

"Have you talked to anyone about your abduction?"

JJ really wished he'd stop saying that word. "Not extensively."

"Are you willing to talk to me about it?" The old doctor tilted his head to the side as his eyes bore into the blonde agent. He wrote down a few words without looking at the paper.

"I don't really have much of a choice."

"Actually, you do."

She also wished he'd stop playing this little game with her. She didn't have a choice. She either said what he needed to hear or she wasn't going to be returning to work anytime soon. That wasn't a choice. "What isn't in my file that you need to know?" she asked hostilely.

"How are you holding up?" Dr. Mortin returned to his original question, hoping that the uncooperative agent would answer it this time.

"I can't sleep," she finally admitted. "I mean, I just don't sleep well. Some nights I don't wake up at all and other nights Mitchell Hagin is all dream about."

He jotted down a few more notes before staring directly into piercing blue eyes. One thing was for sure, the man had no problem with personal boundaries. "Did you dream about him last night?"

"Yes," JJ stated quickly. She could tell by the look on his face that he wanted more information. "I woke up around 2 or 3 and I was screaming. I don't remember waking up again after that, but I'm sure I did because I was really tired this morning."

"You stabbed Mitchell Hagin, but it didn't kill him. Does it bother you knowing that he is still alive?"

"Of course it does."

"You are aware that when his case goes to trial, you'll have to be there. It could be months or even years from now. How do you think you'll react to seeing him?"

Now that old man was just baiting her and JJ wondered whether or not she should say what was really on her mind. The man said to be honest so… what the hell. "I'll want to kill him."

* * *

_"Honesty is an active verb, not a passive noun. Go out of your way to be truthful, beginning with the things that you say to yourself."_

_-Joe Tye_

Emily's heart beat viciously as she felt the minutes ticking by. She'd spent the morning occupying her thoughts by going through a massive amount of paperwork and reading over numerous files. She was nearing the end of the stack and she'd yet to see JJ stroll into her office. The brunette had been watching that door like a hawk and the longer she had to wait, the more worried she became. Her only thoughts were about JJ passing her evaluations. She knew how devastated the younger agent would be if she wasn't permitted to return to the field. None of them liked to admit it, because that would mean admitting to loving something that at times seemed so horrible, but they all adored their jobs, and none more than JJ. She'd seen the way the blonde's face would light up at the end of a case, the way those cerulean blues would sparkle with relief, the way the luscious lips would curl into a breathtaking smile. It would crush JJ to know that she was stuck, feeling useless, while everyone else was jetting off to assist victims and their families.

"You're awfully busy this morning, Prentiss," Morgan said as he set a cup of coffee on the raven-haired agent's desk. "You look like you need it."

"Thanks," she said gratefully before taking a sip of the steaming liquid. "God, I love coffee."

"Careful. You don't want to turn into an addict like little JJ," he smiled.

She felt her breath hitch at the mention of the media liaison's name. Morgan knew. He had to know. Why else would he mention JJ? She shook her head lightly, realizing how ridiculous her thoughts were. They were co-workers. He had every reason to talk about her. "Not a chance. No one consumes as much coffee as that girl," she said with a laugh, trying to cover up her initial shock.

"Mocking me when I'm not even around to defend myself?" JJ scolded as she walked over to the duo, a cup of coffee in hand.

Derek let out a loud chuckle. "I'm gonna get you an IV, baby girl."

"You should meet my mother," the blonde winked at him as he turned to walk away. "Oh and Derek, don't let Garcia hear you calling me that. She can't know about us. It'll break her heart."

He gave her a mega-watt smile before placing a kiss on her forehead. "It's good to have you back, JJ."

"It's good to be back," she replied before turning her attention to Emily. She sat carefully on the edge of the brunette's desk, staring at her girlfriend in adoration. "Hey you."

"Hi." Emily couldn't control the flutter in her chest or the smile that was etched widely across her face. Simply being around JJ caused her blood to race through her veins and she wanted nothing more than to wrap the wonderful woman in her arms. "I'm assuming by your demeanor that you received the all clear?"

"All better," JJ replied before slyly running her foot up the leg of Emily's pants. She couldn't resist the urge to touch her. After Dr. Mortin had signed off on all of her paperwork, she'd felt a huge weight lifted off of her shoulders. She was even beginning to feel like her old self again, with the added bonus of Emily Prentiss. She was willing to admit that yesterday had been rough; she'd argued with Emily and even pushed her away when the older woman had tried to comfort her, but that all seemed so stupid now. JJ leaned down and whispered in the brunette's ear. "Go away with me." They were the words that had signaled the beginning of everything and JJ was hoping the brunette would catch the hint.

Emily looked up at her, slightly surprised, before JJ nodded her head in the direction of her office. Brown eyes watched as the smaller woman made her way seductively up the stairs and slipped through the solid door. Emily Prentiss wasn't the kind of woman who needed to be asked twice and she tried her best to control her flurry of emotions as she began the ascent to JJ's office. She'd barely made it through the door before she felt her body being pushed into the corner, pressed into it firmly as familiar lips assaulted her own. It felt so right to kiss JJ like this, to revel in the smoothness of the younger woman's lips, to explore the recesses of her mouth with her tongue.

It took only moments for her mind to override her hormones as she gently pushed JJ away, already missing the feel of her body touching her own. "Jayje, cameras," she reminded breathlessly.

"They don't have any visual of this particular corner," she murmured, placing delicate kissing along the older woman's jaw.

"And how do you know that?" Emily rasped, lost in the feeling of Jennifer Jareau.

"Garcia told me." JJ smiled mischievously before slipping her hands under Emily's blouse, caressing the sensitive skin along the top of her jeans. "I meant to tell you sooner, but I'm really attached to this tattoo." She let her fingers slide along Emily's hip, resting her fingers atop the words she knew were inked there.

"La morte mi troverà vivo," Emily grunted as goose bumps began to form along her skin. She didn't know how much longer she could take JJ's teasing as she drug her fingers through golden locks, crushing the blonde's mouth with her own.

"Knock, knock!" Garcia yelled before swinging open the door, knowing already what she would find. JJ pushed herself away from Emily so fast that she literally stumbled into her desk. Both women were turning red, a blush creeping upon them as they were overcome with embarrassment.

"You could've knocked!" JJ squeaked, straightening her hair.

"It's more fun this way," the tech analyst laughed as she took a seat in JJ's chair. "Plus, then I wouldn't have been witness to you two lovebirds getting all hot and heavy. As soon as you disappeared into that invisible corner, I knew what you were doing. They don't call me the Goddess of Quantico for nothing."

"And who calls you that besides yourself?" Emily said, snapping more than intended as she smoothed out her blouse. She hadn't meant to sound so frustrated, but Garcia's antics had gotten under skin.

"Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?" the quirky blonde asked with a pout.

JJ scowled at Emily slightly before shaking her head. "She didn't mean it, Garcia. Emily just gets a little pissy when she doesn't get her way."

"My… my way?" the older woman sputtered. "You started it!"

"Oooh, started what?" Garcia questioned, even though she knew full well what she'd interrupted.

"Garcia!" JJ warned.

"Alright. Don't use the mommy voice on me, Jayje." Penelope grinned innocently as she used her hands to form a halo over her head.

"There are some serious horns holding that thing up," the media liaison laughed and leaned against her cluttered desk. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, besides just trying to spy on some action, I was wondering if either of you lesbian lovelies would be interested in going to lunch with yours truly."

"Only if you're buying," Emily smirked before pulling her unique friend out of JJ's chair and throwing an arm over her shoulders.

* * *

_"A person's a person, no matter how small."_

_-Dr. Suess_

"I'm home!" Henry squealed as he bounded through JJ's front door and threw himself on the couch.

The blonde couldn't help but smile at her son's excitement. It felt so good to have the little boy back in her house again. She'd missed him more than anyone could've imagined, worrying about how he'd grow up without her if Hagin had finished her off like he'd planned. She knew that Will would've taken care of him; he was an outstanding father, but she remembered crying herself to sleep in the barn as she'd wondered how long it would've taken the three-year-old to forget her. But she was back and she'd survived, and Henry was here, rubbing his face in the pillows.

"Henry, shoes," JJ scolded lightly as she sat down in the chair and unzipped her boots. The little boy sighed audibly as he kicked off his sneakers. It took only one stern look from his mother before he picked them up and walked over to set them by the front door.

"Can I play sports?" he questioned as he sat down at JJ's feet and stared up with her with eyes that so closely resembled her own. She loved when he did that- when he'd get that innocent look on his face and sit real close to her before asking a question. He always wanted to be seen and he was well aware that his incessant questions were answered best when his mommy was staring him in the face. Awfully observant for such a young child.

She cocked her head to the side as she grinned at him. "What sport do you wanna play?"

"Soccer!" he yelled enthusiastically, shooting his arms into the air. "I like to kick things."

The blonde couldn't control the laughter that erupted from her throat. He certainly was going through a high energy stage, always throwing and kicking things around the house, breaking a few picture frames in the process.

"But not in the house," he added with a flourish as he remembered the rule his mother had erected after he'd broken yet another vase full of flowers.

"Soccer, huh? Well if it stops you from destroying everything I own then I think that's a great idea."

"Can I get a soccer ball?"

"You already have a bunch of them upstairs."

"That's a basketball," Henry said exasperatedly. "Not for soccer. We can buy a new one. Today!"

"Where's this 'we' coming from? Did you get a job? Daddy didn't tell me that."

The little boy giggled as JJ picked him up off of the floor and carried him into the kitchen. He wrapped his arms tightly around her neck, burying his face in the crook of her neck before making a sniffing noise. "You smell good, mommy. And I love you."

Now he was just sucking up. "And I love you too," JJ said before setting him down in his booster chair. He'd decided a few weeks ago that he was too big for a high chair and that now he was old enough to sit at the table like a big boy. He was growing up way too fast. But wasn't that what all mothers said?

"So can we get a soccer ball?"

"You can have a snack and then we'll go," she agreed. It was still early, only 4:30, and it was rare that she had this much time to spend with her son before he had to go to bed. Normally, she'd pick him up from daycare or Will's just with enough time to give him a bath, read him a story and put him to bed. Hotch had let her leave the office early since he was still waiting on some necessary paperwork from her evals and he knew that she was getting Henry back today,

"I want ice cream!" her son yelled hopefully.

"I'm gonna go with a no on that request. How about fruit?"

"Fine," he grunted before pulling out the famous Jareau pout.

"Don't try using that sad face out on me, little man. I invented that face," she smiled as she began to grab some things out of the fridge.

"Do we have those… um, those… crackers?" Henry asked as he tried to remember what they were called.

"Triscuits?"

"Yes! And cheese."

After grabbing her son's requested food from the cabinet, she began to organize everything on a plate as her cell phone rang. "Jareau," she answered as she carried Henry's snack over to him. She smiled at the familiar voice on the other line. Even hearing Emily speak caused a wave of emotions. She missed the brunette already. "You're off this early? Well, Henry and I were going to head out to buy him a new soccer ball, but you're welcome to come. He can be a handful and I could use all the help I can get." She paused, waiting for her girlfriend's response. "Okay. I'll see you in about twenty minutes. Sure, that would be great. We can watch some movies or something after the rugrat goes to sleep. Definitely. See ya soon!"

JJ hung up the phone and glanced over at Henry whose head was tilted in her direction. "That was Aunt Emily. Do you think it would be okay if she went with us?"

"Yes!" he said excitedly, clapping his hands

Thirty minutes later, with Henry strapped into his car seat, the three of them were on their way into town. This all felt so surreal to Emily. Everything about being with JJ was like a dream and if it was, she never wanted to wake up. In such a short amount of time, they'd gone from friends to girlfriends to lovers and it just didn't seem real. Jennifer Jareau couldn't know how amazing she was; the way she smiled, the way her hair was like sunshine, the way she laughed, the way she smelled, the way she carried herself at work, the way she loved her son. It was all part of everything that made her JJ and Emily reveled in every precious moment she was able to spend with the younger woman.

"A penny for your thoughts, Agent Prentiss?"

Emily snapped her head in JJ's direction, inhaling sharply as she realized once again just how beautiful she was. Did JJ know the affect that she had on her? Did she know that every time she spoke, Emily wanted to ride away on those words? Did she know that she smelt of honeysuckles and the fresh ocean breeze? Did she know that every time she smiled, the older woman fell that much deeper in love with her? Her mind came back with that thought. Love? Of course she loved JJ; she loved every member of the BAU team, but she knew that this was different. And it scared her. Unadulterated passion. Heart wrenching obsession. Head over heels in love. That was the only way to describe what she felt for the exquisite woman sitting next to her. It was fast. It was terrifying, but it was there and she was powerless to stop it, and God, she didn't want to. "I was just thinking about how happy I am when I'm around you," Emily spoke finally. It was only partly truthful, but she wasn't ready to spill her guts just yet.

The blonde grinned before reaching across the console and resting her hand on the brunette's leg. It was good hearing Emily say that; hearing her be so open, unlike when they'd first arrived back in DC. She loved everything about the raven-haired agent and she was still unable to grasp that this had all really happened. They were together, really together and it was heaven on Earth.

"Mommy?" Henry piped up from the back seat, breaking through the small bubble the duo had constructed.

"Yes, baby?"

"What's your favorite ice cream?"

"Strawberry," the blonde answered matter-of-factly, needing no time to think about it.

"That's boring. I like the kind with the candy in it!"

Emily looked at JJ quizzically. "He's a big fan of peanut butter cups," JJ stated.

"Aunt Emmy, what's your favorite?"

Emily pretended to contemplate her answer, making a show of scrunching up her lips as she thought. "Cookies and cream," she answered emphatically as she turned her attention to the little boy in the back seat.

"Mommy, since Aunt Emmy likes ice cream too then we _has_ to get some."

The younger woman shook her head lightly and rolled her eyes, knowing that they would be making a stop at the ice cream parlor on their way home. Her son always did have a way of getting exactly what he wanted.

* * *

Emily slumped lazily on the couch as she rubbed her hand across her forehead. She was pretty sure that most of Henry's bath water had ended up on her or the floor. The child was a pure maniac and had been so excited to show his 'Aunt Emmy' how his cars would crash into the wall before landing with a splash in the tub.

"He's not always that enthusiastic before bed time," JJ said as she came down the stairs with a smile, plopping down next to Emily and settling herself in her arms. "It's your fault."

"Oh no, no, no. Don't blame me, Jennifer. It was like a NASCAR race in there. The only things missing were the caution flags," Emily laughed as she ran a hand through sunshine hair. She loved the way that felt; the way the strands of JJ's golden locks would caress her fingers. She wanted to lie like this forever.

"I love when you do that." JJ's words imitated the older woman's thoughts as she pressed her body closer to Emily's. "I'm waiting for real life to catch up to us. This, us, it just doesn't seem possible. It's what I've wanted for so long, but I never imagined that it would actually happen."

It wasn't often that the blonde was so open with her thoughts, letting the words flow out of her without feeling the need to reel them in. But being in Emily's presence made her feel bolder, like nothing in the world could touch her, and she was intoxicated by that feeling. Drunk off the safety that being in the brunette's arms wrapped her in. She felt complete. She felt wanted. Needed. Loved.

"I know what you mean," Emily said. "I was thinking earlier how surreal it all is. I keep wanting to pinch myself to make sure it's actually happening, that I'm not just dreaming that you're here."

JJ pinched Emily lightly on the arm as a soft giggled escaped her. "Did you feel that?"

"Um yeah. You need to cut your nails!"

"Don't be such a baby. You just need to stop biting yours."

"Here we go." Emily rolled her eyes, having heard her mother utter the same words her entire life. "It's a habit."

"A nervous habit. You do it when you're stressed or after a particularly difficult case. I notice things." JJ smirked as she stared up at Emily. She couldn't resist as she pressed her lips against the older woman's. It was a short kiss, soft and delicate, but just what she needed it to be. She knew that no matter how long she lived, she would never get enough of those luxurious lips, never be able to kiss them enough. "What do you say we go to bed?"

"It's only 8:30. I'm not sleepy."

JJ smiled mischievously. "You won't be doing any sleeping, Emily Prentiss."

_"I kissed a girl and I liked it."_

_-Katy Perry_


	9. Chapter 9

" _Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable."_ _  
-_ _Bruce Lee_ _  
_

Emily lay sated in the arms of her lover, sweat gleaming from every inch of her glorious skin. She should've known from the moment she lay eyes on JJ in Hotch's office that the pair of them would end up like this; together, complete. It was something about those electric blue eyes that could pierce right into your very soul and something about that melodious voice that could calm the most volatile of beasts. From the moment she'd first felt JJ's fingers against her skin, she'd known that she was a goner. She craved the blonde, addicted to her like a drug. Wanting to be saturated in everything she had to offer. Wanting to feel the younger woman crawling beneath her flesh, soaking up all of her faults and leaving in its wake the pureness that was Jennifer Jareau.

She knew without a doubt that she'd never felt like this before. Never had one person consumed her every thought and yet, still that wasn't enough. She wanted to spend every moment in this woman's presence, basking in the glow of her sunshine hair, drowning in the ocean depths of her eyes. It was both glorious and excruciating to need someone that much. To need them like the air you breathe.

"I know I've said this before," Emily rasped, still trying to calm her ragged breath, "but dear God, you are amazing."

Her head lay on the younger woman's chest, breathing in the scent that was all Jennifer. It was dizzying, that smell. Those unmistakable honeysuckles mixed with liquid sex. Raw. Animalistic. It was dark and mysterious, unadulterated and undeniable. Emily knew that most people rarely connected those words with innocent and pure little JJ, but they didn't know her like this. They didn't know that beneath those sapphire orbs, a dangerous fire burned and Emily Prentiss loved nothing more than to feel those flames licking at her flesh. She could've swore by the way JJ looked at her sometimes, a seductive smile playing across those sinful lips, that this time she wouldn't survive. This time, the fire would consume her. The fire that burned inside the elusive blonde would leave her as nothing but a pile of ash. But every time she came out unscathed and would again crave those flames, that danger. Oh, she'd always had a weakness for dangerous things. And if Jennifer was going to be her downfall, she wanted to come out burning.

"I'm sorry," JJ sighed as she twirled a raven lock between her fingers.

Sorry? Emily was thoroughly confused. Had she just been imagining that JJ's glorious tongue had caressed every fraction of her body? Was it someone else's skillful fingers that had catapulted her to the edge of the world and back as an orgasm ripped through her? Did she not just tell JJ how fucking outstanding she was?

And then it hit her. She ran straight into that brick wall. JJ hadn't let Emily touch her. They'd slipped quietly passed Henry's bedroom door, trying to suppress their laughter as playful kisses had been placed all over one another's bodies. They'd stumbled through the blonde's bedroom door, peeling clothes off of their heated flesh as hands groped the most intimate of places. And then JJ had stopped Emily dead in her tracks as she'd reached to remove the younger woman's laced underwear. There was the oh so sticky trust issue again. She'd gained it for a few moments in the cabin, gazing into the eyes of the younger woman as she was bathed in euphoria. Then she had to go and be the fuck-up Emily Prentiss she'd always been. Compartmentalizing to a fault. Her ability to put everything into neat little boxes used to be her best quality, but over time she realized that shutting people out also came with a price. And right now, that price was all too high.

"Don't apologize, JJ. I pushed you and then I started building up those walls again. I can't blame you for not trusting me," Emily stated.

"It's not you. It's him. It's always him," JJ said with an unnerving calm in her voice. "He's always in my head, Em. I thought that letting you in would make him disappear, but it didn't. I used you to get rid of him and it didn't work, and for that, I'm so sorry. I wanted you and having you was everything I thought it would be. I still want you, but I'm scared. He scares me."

"He can't hurt you anymore, Jayje."

"Yes he can. He still is. He's hurting me every day by stopping me from living my life. By stopping me from enjoying every second that I have with you."

JJ's voice was still quiet, still collected. Emily was waiting for the blonde to start yelling like she had last night after her nightmares had ceased. It was like watching the calm before the storm and it terrified the older woman to no end. She could slowly see her girlfriend building those walls, just like she had done, and she couldn't watch that happen. She couldn't be witness to someone like JJ, someone so pure and full of life, becoming like her. She remembered the time the younger woman had asked her how she did it, how she could look at all those mutilated bodies and not even flinch. Right now, Emily wished that she could go back to that day and tell JJ that it was no way to live. That pushing down everything you saw would begin to eat you alive, would poison your soul and tarnish your life. It would leave you ragged, lonely and no better off than anyone else.

"Listen to me," Emily said, lifting her head off of JJ's chest. She reached her hand up to the younger woman's chin, turning her face towards her own, but JJ couldn't face her, couldn't lift those stunning eyes from her lap. "Jennifer, look at me." Slowly, blue eyes met brown and Emily was heartbroken to see the emptiness in them. "I won't sit by and watch you gradually destroy yourself. Something awful happened to you and you're trying so hard to not let it affect you, but you can't do that. Cry about it. Scream. Hit something. Get mad at the fucking world. Stop shoving it down because it will eventually consume you."

"I'm tired of being a victim, Emily. I can't live that way forever."

"Have you even taken time to think about what happened? He raped you, JJ." And there it was, the fire returning to those beautiful eyes. Emily knew that sometimes the only way to get through to JJ was to piss her off. To make her angry. She hadn't confronted this head on. Yeah, she'd cried. Battled nightmares. Suffered with it in her moments of weakness. But Emily knew that first the blonde needed to drown in it; to sink to the bottom and fight her way back up, come out gasping for air. And as much as it would hurt her to watch JJ go through all of that, to be with her while she relived every painful moment, she had to push her in. "He almost killed you."

"I know that," JJ said, shaking her head, trying to push away the thoughts.

"Then deal with it," Emily whispered. "He beat you. He strangled you. He was…" and this was the part that she didn't want to say, but she knew she had to, "He was inside of you."

"Stop it." JJ had pushed herself away from Emily now, gritting her teeth as she fought to suppress the feelings that were trying to break free.

"Deal with it," the brunette said again, a harsh tone echoing in her voice as she got up off the bed. "He touched you. He tried to kill you. He tried to take you away from your son."

"I said stop!" JJ yelled finally, scooting back towards the headboard, clenching the sheet in her fists as Emily walked around the bed to stand in front of her.

"Henry would have had to grow up without a mother. How do you think that would have affected him?"

"Fuck you. I know what I went through. I was there!" The blonde's voice was rising as she climbed off the mattress before shoving Emily towards the door. "I remember what it felt like, okay? It fucking hurt every God damn moment I was there! Do you want to know what he did? Is that what this is about? Fine! I fought for my life. I tried to get away from him every day. But that wasn't enough! I screamed. I cried. I broke down in that God forsaken barn. I would lie on the floor while he kicked me, while he hit me." JJ breath was ragged now, exhaustion streaming through her words. "I was on that fucking floor when he raped me! He had a chain around my neck while he ripped open my shirt and unzipped my jeans. I still remember what his breath felt like on my skin. I still remember what his lips felt like pressed against my chest and my neck and every other part of my body! And it makes me sick." And then it hit JJ, hit her hard. "Oh my God, he raped me. He… I… I was raped," JJ cried as if realizing it for the first time and just like the night before, she crumpled to the floor with Emily there to catch her.

"Just breathe, baby. Breathe," Emily whispered as she smoothed the younger woman's golden locks. She could feel JJ's tears soaking into her bare skin, seeping into her pores. She hated that she'd had to push her girlfriend this far, that'd she'd taunted her with Henry, that'd she'd made her relive the memories, but she couldn't lose her. And she couldn't let JJ lose herself.

"I'm sorry that I shoved you," JJ sniffled a few minutes later as they two of them leaned into the bed. She was still wrapped in Emily's arms; it was comfortable, safe. It was like home. She knew what Emily had said was true, that she was trying to be someone she wasn't. She was trying too hard to push the memories down, only letting them come out in her nightmares. At work, she was always calm and composed. She was Supervisory Special Agent Jennifer Jareau, but at night when she'd get home from a difficult case, she let it all soak in. She'd sit on the couch or lie in bed and make herself deal with everything she'd seen at work. Sometimes she'd cry. Sometimes she'd yell. Sometimes she threw things. She didn't compartmentalize. She wasn't Emily.

"I deserved it," Emily laughed lightly.

"Thank you," JJ whispered as she wove her hand in Emily's hair. "For making me face all of that and for being here when I fell apart."

"I just didn't want you to turn into someone like me."

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, Emily Prentiss. Nothing at all."

* * *

It was too early. The sun was too bright. The sky was too blue. The streets were too loud. And there wasn't enough coffee on the planet to make her keep her eyes open. Jennifer Jareau was exhausted; physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. One hand held a still steaming mug of the black tar she called coffee while the other pinched at the bridge of her nose. She couldn't remember if she'd slept. She sent Emily over the brink of euphoria and minutes later she was once again screaming, and crying in the middle of her bedroom floor. She didn't like this routine.

She'd been the first to show up at the BAU this morning, a common occurrence on her part, followed shortly after by Hotch. And 20 minutes after that, her Knight in Shining Armor had stepped through her office door, carrying her drug of choice and a breakfast bagel. Emily Prentiss always knew how to make her smile. Unfortunately, she hadn't seen her girlfriend since. Spending the early hours fielding phone calls, going over reports, responding to desperate e-mails. If another wimpy-assed detective called her, crying because he still couldn't find the unsub after they'd sent him a profile, she was pretty sure she'd put him out of his misery by shooting him. Normally, JJ was kind, caring and understanding, but she was feeling awfully bitchy this morning after only getting a few hours of sleep and she didn't have time to help people do their jobs when she had one of her own; one that often felt like it took up every waking moment of her life. Yes, she was devoted to the FBI. She loved what she did and enjoyed the satisfying feeling of bringing serial killers and rapists to justice, but she sometimes she found herself wishing she had those regular 9-5 hours. What she wouldn't give to be home before the sun went down.

"What's up, buttercup?" Garcia chirped as she walked into JJ's lair. "Oh, someone definitely isn't looking like her regular sunshine self this morning. Things not going well in lover land? Or did the yummy Agent Prentiss keep you up late devouring your…"

"Penelope!" JJ scolded as she tried to suppress a grin. "Everything is great."

"So you two have done the horizontal mambo! I knew it!"

The younger blonde slapped a hand to her forehead. "I'm really not in the mood to talk about this right now."

"I'm so excited! My two besties are lesbians with insatiable appetites. We can discuss it over drinks tonight, my fine friend."

"I can't. I have Henry and if Will agrees, I'll have him the rest of the week. It'll throw our schedule off a little, but I've really missed him."

"Aw, I know you have sugar plum. But as soon as the little monster is off your hands, you are mine. Got it?"

"You'll have to fight me for her."

Both blondes turned their attention to the woman that stood in JJ's doorway. Emily oozed sex appeal and JJ couldn't look away. How was it that when the older woman was in her bed, she was able to show restraint, but for some reason having that same woman in her office made her want to jump her bones? It probably didn't help that Emily was currently looking spectacularly hot in skin tight black pants and a curve hugging ebony button up. The raven-haired beauty was definitely all woman, but JJ couldn't help but get incredibly turned on when Emily 'butched up.'

"Speak of the devil," Garcia squealed. "Which is an accurate portrayal in all senses of the word since you, Ms. Prentiss, are hot as hell! Is that JJ's shirt?" The petite blonde raised an eyebrow as she let her eyes roam over Emily's body. Oh yeah, she could definitely see why JJ couldn't pick her jaw up off the floor right now. "You're lucky that I have a thing for tall dark-chocolate men or else you, little JJ, wouldn't stand a chance with that one. I'd be all over that like white on rice," she giggled as she turned her attention back to her currently drooling friend. Had either of the women heard the words that were coming out of her mouth? Highly doubtful. "I'm gonna go now, but don't worry about behaving. I enjoy the show."

"Uh huh. Bye Garcia," JJ said with a quick wave, eyes still glued on Emily. " _Is_ that my shirt?"

Emily blushed slightly as she rounded JJ's desk to lean casually on the corner. "I had a little incident this morning after you left to take Henry to daycare. I may have also broken one of your coffee cups."

"Uh huh," the blonde muttered. She was fairly certain that she wasn't able to form any kind of coherent sentence right now. Seeing Emily leaning seductively against the edge of her desk was rapidly causing her to come unglued. And God, Emily wearing her shirt was unnaturally arousing. Why did it always happen in her office? "Yeah. I have more shirts."

"What? You don't want this one back?" Emily furrowed her brow in confusion.

"Mugs! More coffee mugs," JJ corrected herself before turning her head away from her lover. "Em, I adore you, but you so have to leave right now. I can't… I can't even focus."

A soft laugh emanated from Emily's lips before she pushed herself up off of her girlfriend's desk. It was so enticing, knowing that she had that kind of power of the normally articulate blonde. Especially after she thought she'd shot things all to hell last night. "I just wanted to stop in to say hi and see how you were doing. Morgan mentioned something about you seeming a little grouchy this morning, but you appear to be doing much better now." Emily left quickly with a wink.

Dear Lord, how was she ever going to get any work done knowing that Emily was walking around the office in her clothes? "She so did that on purpose," JJ sighed to herself before taking a sip of her coffee. She ran a hand through her hair, her mood having lifted just by seeing her girlfriend. And then the phone rang. Here we go again. "Jareau."

" _Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise."_

_-Maya Angelou_

* * *

JJ took a steadying breath as the team filed into the room. They didn't have much time and she needed to get through this fast. She pushed a few buttons causing the faces of four women to appear on the screen.

"Five days ago, the body of Jackie Liam was discovered in downtown Washington D.C. Two days later, police came across the body of Helen Graham. Followed less than a day later by Natalie Winters and then three hours ago, Aleah Baker." JJ fired off the names quickly as pictures of the women flashed on the screen, before and after their deaths. "All the bodies were dumped within a mile of each other and they were all wearing nametags."

"Work nametags?" Morgan questioned.

"More like 'Hi. My name is…' nametags," JJ clarified. "The kicker is the names weren't their own. Police are still trying to wrap their heads around that one." She paused, trying to organize her thoughts. "Um, each woman was suffocated before being stabbed twice in the back."

"Are there any known connections between the victims?" Hotch asked as he studied the file in front of him. "I don't see anything in the report."

"The bodies have been turning up so quickly, police don't know which way to look. So far, they haven't found any connection between the victims. They weren't even positive it was the same killer until Natalie Winters showed up with a nametag. Helen Graham was the second victim, but her situation was a little different. The coroner discovered her nametag a little later. It was shoved down her throat."

"The only characteristics the victims share is that they're all women and Caucasian. They're different ages, different heights, and weights. They don't even have the same hair color," Reid stated shaking his head. "It's not often that we see that with serial killers."

"What did the nametags say, JJ?" Rossi asked, not bothering to delve further into the file as he stared at the photos on the screen.

"Jackie Liam's said Catherine. Helen Graham was renamed Jane. Natalie Winter's was Olivia and Aleah Baker's said Ziva."

"Ziva?" Emily questioned. "Isn't that the name of one of the main characters on NCIS?"

Reid got that far away look in his eye, the one everyone knew meant he was putting something together in that oober-smart brain of his. "If you look at the victims, they all have similar characteristics and are relatively the same age as popular TV characters. Catherine, Jane, Olivia and Ziva are all characters on crime shows. Uh, I believe that would be CSI, Rizzoli & Isles, Law & Order: SVU and NCIS," the young genius spouted off.

"I always knew those damn crime shows would start giving people ideas," Derek muttered.

" _The infectiousness of crime is like that of the plague."_

_-Napoleon Bonaparte_


	10. Chapter 10

_"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."_

_-Ernest Hemingway_

It wasn't the first time Emily had felt sympathy for a serial killer and she knew it wouldn't be the last. She hated giving in to those feelings; having compassion for someone who'd literally smothered the life out of five –almost six- women. But that compassion was there and she thought maybe it had something to do with those remorseful baby blues that held a significant resemblance to her lover's. Eyes that were currently red rimmed, bloodshot and fighting against the brink of tears as words of repentance tumbled from Heather Bowers' lips.

The poor woman was an aspiring actress, one who'd been turned down after one-too-many auditions; finally snapping after the latest casting call for a crime show in D.C. fell through. It had been her stressor, the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Some people couldn't handle rejection and that's something that Emily understood.

"You're nothing like her, you know," JJ stated as she came to stand in front of the one way mirror to look at the broken woman on the other side. It was rare that their unsub turned out to be female; Reid had rambled on some statistics about five percent. "You just happen to be the same gender. That's it."

Emily sighed, "I don't, on any level, agree with what she did, but I understand why she did it. It's one thing when we have the big macho men sitting in there, laughing sadistically about the people they've murdered over the years. But she… it's just different. It sucks seeing the things this world does to people. Normal everyday people. It's just like she's been on autopilot for the past week; one minute she was an ordinary woman and the next she was suffocating women with plastic bags who wouldn't tell her how they became famous. Completely delusional, yeah. But for fuck's sake, this world has a way of breaking people."

The taller woman continued to ramble as blue eyes stared up at her. JJ knew that seeing a helpless woman, so shattered, was hard for Emily; especially after they'd learnt about the bright and joyful spirit Heather had been before. She'd felt the same sympathy as she'd stared into Heather's eyes, watching tears flow down her face at the realization of exactly what she'd done. "We can't save them all," JJ whispered, hoping that her girlfriend would understand.

"Don't you ever worry that the world will break you too?" Emily questioned without acknowledging that JJ had spoken at all. She remembered having once told Morgan that in all actuality, the BAU team thought like the very unsubs they hunted; the people they searched for every day that in the end, they didn't really seem that different from. That's what bothered Emily; not the fact that she felt a twinge of sorrow for Heather Bowers, but the idea that she was already so much like her. The brunette had killed people before. She'd hunted them down, watched them bleed out on the cold floor, the very life draining from their veins. How different was she from all of the broken people in the world? In many ways, she was already cracked, probably only a few good hits away from shattering completely.

Jennifer hated seeing Emily this way. She hated to see the deadness in her chocolate brown eyes, the way they'd lose their sparkle when the older woman was questioning her own strength. JJ knew that her girlfriend had had to grow up quickly, relinquishing her childhood while she moved all over the world, attending charity events, galas, and lavish parties. For some people, Emily's life had seemed like a dream when in reality it had been anything but picture perfect. Somewhere along the way, the profiler had lost herself and even years later she was still trying to find all the pieces needed to put Emily Prentiss back together, make her whole again.

"You're a lot stronger than you think you are, Em," JJ mused as she slipped her arm around the slightly taller woman's waist, their shoulders leaving into each other as they stared at Heather through the glass. Rossi was in with her now and JJ could see in his eyes that he held the same commiseration for the woman that her lover did. The murders were by no means justified, but that didn't stop the pang of guilt that had echoed through their chests upon seeing Heather's shame.

"I love it when you call me Em," the older woman whispered, feeling her mood lighten as soon as JJ's arm draped around her. She placed a quick kiss on the younger woman's forehead before pulling her into an embrace. God, there was that intoxicating smell again…

"Garcia said we're going out for drinks tonight, no questions asked," Morgan declared as he barged into the room. He looked slightly startled to catch the two women enveloped in each other's arms, but chocked it up to them being close friends.

Emily and JJ broke apart reluctantly before turning to face Derek. The blonde smiled, trying her best to hide the blush that had crept onto her face. It's not like they'd been caught making out, but the hug had been more intimate than either had expected as she'd buried her head in the crook of Emily's neck and slipped a hand underneath the hem of her shirt.

"Do you have Henry?" the man asked. "Baby girl seemed adamant about us all getting together and unwinding."

JJ shook her head, her blonde hair falling in front of her face as she did. "Not until tomorrow evening or Saturday morning. It's been kinda weird getting back on track," she laughed awkwardly. "But yeah, I'm in. Em?"

* * *

"Oh my fucking God," JJ moaned as she dug her nails into the palm of Emily's hand. Her body twitched involuntarily as she bit at her bottom lip harder than intended, drawing blood.

"Aw baby, calm down," Emily said, suppressing a laugh as she drug her finger across the now swollen lip with her lover.

"Ah!" JJ cried out for what seemed like the millionth time. This was excruciating. She felt her hips buck again, realizing that she certainly wasn't in control of her actions at the present moment. Adrenaline rushed through her veins as her body was overrun with sensations she had never felt before. Was this pleasure? Pain? "Fuck," she muttered, slamming her head into the chair.

"Listen Barbie. You're really gonna have to hold still or else this will probably look like shit by the time I'm done," the bald man said sternly as his hand moved along the young agent's hip. He chuckled lightly under his breath. He really hadn't been surprised when the young woman with golden locks had rambled on about a butterfly. Typical. "So is Alexandra your daughter?"

"No," JJ responded with a wince. "I have a son. His name is... ugh… Henry." JJ hoped that talking would help her focus on something other than the needle that was continuously nipping at her skin. "Alex was my sister. She used to help me catch butterflies for my collection when we were… God damn it!"

Emily couldn't control the laughter that bubbled from her throat this time as she watched the young blonde squint her eyes shut and bite at her knuckle. "You went through labor, didn't you? This should be a cakewalk." The brunette furrowed her brow as she realized she'd definitely just said the wrong thing. JJ gave her and icy glare before continuing with her Lamaze-like breathing.

They'd been getting ready to go out for drinks with the team when JJ had walked up behind her, placing a kiss on her bare shoulder atop the symbol that was permanently etched there. "I want a tattoo," the blonde admitted before going over and rummaging through Emily's closet.

"You mean you don't have any?" the brunette had inquired, feigning shock.

"Don't be a smart ass, Emily Prentiss!" JJ scolded, "Or you'll never see me naked again." She tried to sound threatening as she'd pulled Emily's teal green sweater over her head.

"Empty threats," the brunette had retorted while brushing her teeth.

"I'm serious about that tattoo. Garcia said she wouldn't be there 'til almost 8:30 because she had to wait on Kevin so we have time to stop by the tattoo parlor," JJ rushed as she'd entered the bathroom.

"You're serious?" Emily questioned before she'd received a curt not from her girlfriend. "Okay, you got it. Oh and babe, not that sweater. Left side of the closet; there's a long sleeved black, kinda see-through top. Put that on," she added with a wink.

* * *

_"There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good."_

_-Edwin Denby_

The entire bar was engulfed in a hazy fog, smoke swirling through the air, mixing with the sweat of alcohol induced dancers. The BAU team sat around their regular table while downing beers and shots, not caring that they had a de-briefing at ten in the morning. They had such unpredictable hours and were basically always on call, that it had been inevitable that one or two would show up with a hangover on occasion, nursing a cup of coffee and shoveling aspirin down their throat as if it were their saving grace. Garcia had been the most recent victim after being called in on a Sunday morning, waking up to find Morgan stepping out of her shower clad in a towel and Kevin showing up at her door apologizing. Needless to say, that had been an awkward few days with her chocolate-love-god.

"So let's see this tattoo!" Rossi hollered after slamming down his third shot. For being the oldest on the team, he still partied like one of the youngsters; often being the first to buy a round of drinks for the team and the last to walk out of the pub doors after a night of bar hopping. JJ had reluctantly told the team about her newest addition after she'd showed up just after Emily, nearing nine o'clock, quickly being scolded by Garcia on her lack of punctuality.

"I can't. It's covered in all this gauze stuff. As soon as it heals, I may show it to you," the blonde laughed as she sipped on her beer. She'd been the most surprised at her spontaneity, having randomly decided to have her body permanently inked.

"I'm in shock that you did such a thing, pumpkin. I'll just add this to my ever-growing list of things that you make you naughty," Garcia smiled while simultaneously raising her eyebrows.

"The little farm-girl is naughty?" Morgan questioned suspiciously as he eyed one of the many writhing women on the dance floor. "You'll have to fill me in later, baby girl." He finished off the rest of his drink before heading towards the gorgeous woman who'd caught his eye moments ago.

Emily scoffed as she shook her head. The man was certainly a player, often going after anything with boobs and a lithe form. Okay, so maybe that was selling him short, but the dark thunder that was part of their team did have a weakness for beautiful things. Over the years, they'd all seen the array of goddess-like ladies that had accompanied him to office Christmas parties and get-togethers. The brunette had even felt a pang of jealousy or two as she had an equal weakness for all things lovely, having wanted nothing more than to take home Morgan's beauties multiple times. But that envy was gone, knowing that she didn't want anyone else now that she had Jennifer Jareau; her light in the darkness, adding freshness to the very air she breathed.

The profiler could feel JJ's lingering presence as she made her way towards the bar to buy another round of drinks for the BAU team. She caught a glimpse of blonde sunshine as she began to shout out her order to the bartender over the roar of the bar. Sweat gleamed from her perfect skin as the heat from the crowd started to surround her. And her knees almost buckled when she felt JJ's hands push her hair off her neck before her soft breath ghosted across her skin.

"You were looking a little moist. I figured you could use a good blow," the media liaison smirked as she placed a kiss on Emily's overly flushed neck.

"Are you trying to kill me? Or get us caught?" Emily stuttered, feeling exposed, yet not being able to pull away from her lover's sensuous lips.

"I'm at the point where I'm too buzzed to care," JJ laughed before catching Reid's eye from across the bar and motioning him over. He pushed his way through the bar quickly before she gave him her directions, "Do me a favor Spence and carry these over to the team. Em and I are going to hit the dance floor. Thanks so much."

"We are?" Emily questioned suspiciously before being tugged into the crowd of people.

"Yes, we are," the younger woman informed her girlfriend before lacing her arms around the taller woman's waist and melding their bodies together. Emily's shock wore off almost immediately as she fell into a rhythm with her girlfriend, sliding her thigh between JJ's knees and running her hands along her back. She could feel the dampness of JJ's shirt as her fingers trailed her spine, reveling in the closeness of their touch. She felt almost dangerous, knowing that they were surrounded by co-workers and yet, not being able to control the urge to run her tongue along the blonde's neck, sucking lightly below her ear.

"Who's gonna get us caught now?"JJ rasped while clinging to Emily's body in order to hold herself upright. The brunette's leg between her knees was pressing dangerously close to her center and the sensation of her jeans rubbing against her skin was driving her wild. She wanted to feel Emily against her skin, inside of her, roaming every inch of her flesh. Their bodies moved in perfect harmony, hands exploring, as the music gyrated around them. The sounds of the bar seemed to disappear as their blood reverberated in the ears, only recognizing the hum of their rapid heartbeats.

Emily spun from JJ's grasp before pressing her stomach into the media liaison's back, looping her arms around her front as JJ's head fell back on to her shoulder. She breathed on the younger woman's neck, immediately seeing the goose bumps that formed on her girlfriend's skin. She ran her hands up JJ's toned stomach, grazing her breasts lightly, laughing at the gasps she was able to elicit from her fair-haired counterpart. She let her fingers tickle against her sides before slipping her fingers into golden locks, tugging slightly to further expose JJ's neck as she nipped at the pale flesh with her teeth.

"Kiss me," JJ demanded, unable to any longer form coherent thoughts. "Please, kiss me." She knew she was begging now and she didn't care. Something about being around Emily drove her body insane, dragging feral emotions from deep inside of her to the surface. She didn't care who saw. Section Chief Strauss could walk through that very door to catch them in a passionate lip-lock and she wouldn't care. She was pretty sure she'd give up everything just to feel Emily Prentiss' lips against her own at that moment; just to feel the older woman's tongue exploring the recesses of her mouth. And when her girlfriend caved in to her pleas, she'd never felt so satisfied. It was risky, lethal. Anyone could catch them right now, but dear God, she didn't mind.

From across the room, Morgan almost choked on his fifth drink. He rubbed his eyes, wondering if maybe he was seeing things, if perhaps the smog in the room was affecting his vision. Garcia's breath caught in her throat as she saw it too. She couldn't believe that her two lesbian lovelies were willing to be so careless; after all she'd done to protect their precious little secret. She'd looped feeds in JJ's office for crying out loud. Alright, so in reality, hacking into the FBI system wasn't anything new, but this time she'd done it for them. They could've at least tried to put her efforts to use.

"My chocolate Adonis, I need to speak with you please," the quirky blonde said as she tried to casually usher him away. "I know that beautiful mind of yours is steaming with questions and I'd hate for you to blow a gasket, but before I explain all this to you, I need you to go break up the hot and steamy make-out session that is going on between our 'not so out' co-workers. Got it?"

Derek stood with his mouth still ajar before simply nodding and walking across the dance floor, unable to stop his eyes from nearly bugging out of his skull. JJ and Prentiss? A smile slowly crept onto his face as a devious plan formed. Oh yes, he was going to have fun with this one.

_"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold."_

_-Helen Keller_


	11. Chapter 11

_"Whoever wishes to keep a secret must hide the fact that he possesses one."_   
_-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe_

Jennifer couldn't feel anything else; couldn't comprehend anything beyond Emily's lips on hers, their tongues fighting for dominance in the recesses of her mouth. They literally melted into each other as every inch of JJ's skin burned under the older woman's touch. She felt her fingers slip through jet black tresses as she latched on, wanting to push them closer together, hoping and praying that Emily Prentiss would just swallow her whole, allow her to bask in her warmth. It was exquisite to want to lose yourself like that, exquisite and terrifying.  
Emily finally broke the Earth-shattering kiss as her lungs begged to be replenished with oxygen. She felt herself trembling, her nerve endings firing off at a rapid pace as JJ's fingertips trailed the length of her spine. Those ocean blue eyes were killer, and at this moment, she didn't care if she drowned in their depths; consumed by the tidal wave that was inevitably Jennifer Jareau. And before Emily knew what was happening, their mouths crashed together once again, her hands dancing along JJ's perfect sides under her shirt as she swallowed the younger woman's moans.  
This was what everything was supposed to feel like. She loved this side of JJ, the inner dominatrix that currently had one of her hands tangled in her hair while the other dug into her inner thighs. Wanting someone this much was excruciating and hearing JJ's seductive groans in her ear almost made her knees buckle. The blonde's tongue caressed her neck while she whispered sensuous -albeit terribly dirty- words against her skin. Most people never would've guessed that the sweet little backwoods farm girl hid a darker side, but Emily reveled in it, surrounded completely by her undying need to fuck Jennifer senseless.  
"Jen," Emily grunted as JJ's fingers dug into her ass. "I want you."  
JJ's breaths came out in rasps as she found the voice inside herself, beneath the absorbing need, "Then take me. Here. Right now."  
The idea was tempting, oh so fucking tempting. To push her fingers underneath the seam of the younger woman's jeans before shoving them into the moist folds that lay beneath. God, she loved that feeling. She loved watching JJ balance on the edge of ecstasy, those electric blue eyes darkening with every caress as an orgasm would overtake her. Seeing the normally composed and articulate press liaison come apart at the seams while incomprehensible echoes tumbled from her lips was  
enough to make Emily want to come on the spot. The older woman was just about to follow through with the thought of having JJ on the dance floor when she felt someone come up behind her, hot breath ghosting across her ear as JJ's tongue still explored her mouth. She thought maybe it was just someone walking by until a strong hand tucked itself into the pocket of her jeans.  
"What the fuck?" she yelled as she turned around, ready to throw fists at whoever had grabbed ahold of her. "Morgan!"  
JJ noticed the blush creeping onto her cheeks and was grateful for the dimly lit bar. All senses washed back over her as she realized where they were and what they had been doing. She'd begged Emily to kiss her, to touch her, to make her come right there on the dance floor, surrounded by flushed bodies with her co-workers only tables away. Had she gone crazy? She already knew the answer to that question; Emily Prentiss made her crazy, set every part of her on fire with need and want.  
"Hey Princess," Derek smirked as he tugged his hand from the pocket of her jeans. "Penelope caught sight of the two of you not long after I did. I've been ordered to break this up. Of course first, I need to know what the hell it is I'm breaking up."  
"I… we… since…" JJ stumbled. She smacked herself on the forehead. No one would ever know that she was the face and voice of the BAU, and spent hours fielding phone calls from reporters with the way she was stuttering.  
"We're together," Emily finished for her.  
"Well I figured that's obvious," Derek sighed with a playful push to Emily's arm. "I want details."  
"You're worse than Pen," JJ laughed awkwardly as she pulled Emily back towards the table their team occupied.  
The three of them walked back over to join the team, JJ plopping down in the booth next to Garcia as she snatched up a beer. She was mortified and yet, still incredibly turned on. Was that possible?  
"Did you work up a thirst out there, gumdrop?" The bubbly voice of the technical analyst broke through the conversations that were going on among the team, bringing attention to the three people that had just returned.  
"You've been dancing this whole time?" Reid questioned as he took in Emily and JJ's ragged appearance. "Statistics show that adrenaline causes the body to…"  
"Lay off it, Spence," JJ giggled as she wrapped him in a hug, alcohol coursing through her veins as the adrenaline began to wear  
off. "I think I'm going to call it a night." Taking a final drag of her beer, the blonde reached for her purse and placed kisses on the cheeks of her co-workers, lingering a little longer against Emily as she did. "I'll see you all in the morning."  
"Well that was sudden," Rossi stated as he and Morgan toasted over another shot. "Is she feeling okay?"  
"I'm sure she's fine. I think I'll go with her and make sure she gets home okay. Bye guys!" she yelled as she scrambled out the door, watching the sway of the blonde's ass as she did.

* * *

_"Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie_   
_detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while_   
_lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully."_   
_-Graham Greene_

Normally after a night like tonight, they'd barge through the front door in a scramble to remove the others' clothes; devouring their lover's bare form as their aching bodies begged to be touched. Pressed deeply between the wall and their counterpart as fingers ghosted along naked skin. But no matter how much Emily wanted the feel of JJ inside of her, it wasn't going to happen. They'd had sex many times in various places, but JJ had only allowed Emily to touch her that once. And the older woman had secretly promised herself that she would wait; wait until they could simultaneously send each other spiraling over the edge. The last thing she wanted was for her girlfriend to feel used.

They'd stumbled through the front door of Emily's condo, the brunette supporting most of a drunken JJ's weight. The young blonde clung to Emily's arm as they walked haphazardly up the stairs, laughing and giggling about their hormonal antics in the bar.

"It was priceless seeing Morgan's face," JJ smiled, flopping lazily onto Emily's four-post bed while she dug through her dresser, searching for pajamas for the both of them.

"Yeah, it isn't often that Derek is left speechless," Emily responded, tossing a t-shirt and boxers at JJ before she began undressing. "Do you need help changing, drunkie?"

The media liaison pushed herself up on her elbows, only slightly unsteady, as she admired the beautiful woman in front of her. While watching Emily peel off layers of clothes was always incredibly arousing, she felt an added emotion this time, her heart feeling as if it had literally swollen inside of her chest. "I love you," JJ stated simply, unable to stop the words that had bounced around in her mind.

Emily paused as she was about to slip her shirt over her head. She cocked her head to the side, wondering if she'd heard her lover right. She had, the look in the blonde's eyes told her as much. JJ had said it before so Emily couldn't say she was surprised, and despite the fact that her girlfriend was way passed buzzed, she couldn't shake the idea that this time it was different. Because this time, the older woman felt it too, within the very marrow of her bones. "You… I… I love you… too," she stumbled, mentally kicking herself for sounding unsure. "I love you too."

"Then prove it," JJ challenged, desire burning behind fierce cobalt orbs as she strode towards her girlfriend, taking the shirt from Emily's hand and dropping it on the floor. "Make love to me, Emily." Not allowing the brunette to respond, JJ pressed her lips softly to Emily's before pulling away to stare into deep brown, lust-filled eyes as her hands glided over Emily's naked torso.

The profiler immediately felt the heat pooling between her legs as she draped her arms over the slightly shorter woman's shoulders. Why didn't she feel confident about this? Why was she suddenly questioning the idea of being intimate with the woman she loved- the woman that loved her in return? "Jen, we're drunk. It's late. We have a de-briefing at ten and you still may not be ready," she spouted off.

"I don't need excuses, Em," JJ said, drawing out her lover's nickname since she knew how much she loved it. "I just need you."

Jennifer was determined to make Emily see how loved she was as her hands slid up the brunette's flat abdomen to begin massaging her breasts. She felt the older woman start to falter as her petite frame shoved her gently against the heavy wooden dresser.

Emily's exposed skin began to flush as the younger woman's body molded to her own, leaving her feeling almost helpless in JJ's capable arms. Of course she wanted this; she rarely had a chance to form coherent thoughts when the blonde was around, often going back to the memory of JJ screaming out her name in ecstasy. But- there always seemed to be a but- it had only been a freaking week. From the moment JJ had stumbled out of the barn, Emily's life had been a whirlwind of kisses, sex, fights, tears, drinking, more sex… love. Okay, so the love overshadowed it all, the good and the bad. It was petrifying for the brunette to both realize and admit that she was in love with Jennifer Jareau and Emily wondered how something as terrifying as willingly giving her heart over to another woman could suddenly feel so freeing.

And with that subtle realization, the older woman quickly found herself losing resolve as she watched the shorter woman slip out of her shirt before undoing the button of her jeans, letting them puddle at her feet. Emily's heartbeat echoed in her ears while she felt JJ's hands slide along her hips, grasping at the strings of her saturated panties before allowing them to fall down the brunette's lean legs.

"Touch me, Em," JJ whispered into the curve of the profiler's neck before nipping at the shell of her ear. Her skin burned in anticipation as Emily's delicate fingers lightly grazed her collarbone before reaching behind her to undo the clasp of her bra.

"Mmm," Emily moaned as she pulled their bodies closer together, still caressing the blonde's back lovingly as JJ lay soft kisses upon her jaw line. "Jen, you make my knees go weak."

"Have I ever mentioned how much I love it when you call me Jen?" JJ mumbled between kisses as she began to drag Emily towards the bed, sitting down once her knees fell flush with the mattress.

The young blonde trailed her fingers along her girlfriend's taut stomach before switching to her tongue and allowing it to dip in the raven haired beauties navel. Her hands grasped at the older woman's hips as she licked along her bare bikini line, leaving a line of goosebumps in her wake.

No words were spoken as Emily gave JJ a light shove, the blonde scooting back before her girlfriend removed her underwear and straddled her small hips. The profiler leaned over the young woman gingerly, her hands resting on either side of JJ's arms, before she leaned down, running her tongue along her lover's bottom lip, requesting access. Their tongues met with unmatched ferocity as JJ dug her nails into Emily's shoulder and bucked her hips slightly, silently begging to be touched, to be brought toward the brink of release.

Not able to control the urge to be inside the woman that writhed beneath her, Emily slid down JJ's body, her fingers lingering on JJ's outer folds only momentarily before she plunged two fingers deep within her girlfriend, while simultaneously lowering her mouth to JJ's breast. Her teeth grazed the sensitive nipple while her fingers continued to pump rhythmically, the thumb of her hand occasionally rubbing against the engorged nub causing soft groans to play like a symphony throughout the room as they fell from JJ's lips.

JJ could feel herself teetering on the edge, her velvet walls beginning to tighten around Emily's capable fingers. She let out an exasperated sigh as Emily withdrew, not willing to let her lover have that release just yet. JJ began to squirm as the older woman continued to assault her breasts, lashing out at their taut peaks with her glorious tongue, as her hand slid teasingly over JJ's slick arousal, fingers dipping slightly into her folds.

The young agent was prepared to beg, but the thought left her mind quickly as three of Emily's fingers dove back into her wetness. Brown orbs stared intently into blue as JJ fought to keep her eyes open, her breath coming out in heated rasps as she wrapped her hands in midnight hair.

"Ah, Em! Mmm, baby…" JJ's voice rose through the room, causing Emily to slip a fourth finger into her lover, thrusting powerfully in attempt to send JJ into a fit of ecstasy. "God, yes. Emily, ah. Emmm… so close." The brunette's name became a heavenly chant that tore from her lips as her body was consumed by her orgasm, Emily's fingers still lightly rubbing over her love button.

"Emily, oh God… I love you. I love you so much," JJ groaned breathlessly into her girlfriend's ear as mini-shockwaves of pleasure continued to ghost through her body. Unknowingly, she effortlessly pushed three fingers into Emily's tight channel, causing a grunt of surprise to escape the older woman's lips. Their bodies moved in sync as they pumped their fingers in and out of one another, intent on reaching the peak of rapture together.

"And I love you, Jen," Emily moaned as JJ sucked at her pulse point. "Dear God, do I love you."

By the time the duo had ceased in their lovemaking, Emily swore she could see the sun beginning to peak in from behind the curtains. "What time is it?" she asked as JJ continued to trace the curve of her breasts, every so often placing a soft kiss along the side of Emily's glorious mounds.

"Umm, almost 5:30," JJ stated after glancing at the clock on Emily's nightstand. That gives us less than five hours before we have to be at work."

"Being exhausted during the de-briefing is a small price to pay for the night- and morning- that I've had," Emily smiled.

"I guess it was worth it," the media liaison replied jokingly.

"You guess?" Emily furrowed her brow slightly before turning and laying on top of her girlfriend. "I have about two hours before we have to start getting ready to go to work. I'm going to make you come so hard, your legs will still be shaking by the time you walk into the bullpen in a few hours."

* * *

" _Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee."_

_-Stephanie Piro_

"Good morning ladies," Morgan chirped as he walked into the meeting room where Emily and JJ sat waiting for the rest of the team to arrive. Each woman was nursing a generous cup of coffee as their hands lay intertwined under the table, resting on the younger woman's thigh. "No hangover this morning?" he questioned.

They both shook their heads before looking at each other with adoring smiles. All morning they'd been unable to keep their hands off of each other; even spending a couple extra minutes in the back seat of Emily's Lexus upon arriving before they'd straightened themselves up and made their way into FBI Headquarters. Now that Emily had truly gotten a taste of the fair-haired woman, her appetite for her had become even more insatiable.

Derek took a seat across from the loving pair as the rest of his co-workers began to filter in and pour their morning coffees. Now that Mr. Tall-Dark-N-Handsome was armed with the knowledge of their love affair, he was definitely going to have to figure out how to use it to his advantage.

Forty-five agonizing minutes later, Morgan watched intently as Emily and JJ walked up the stairs to the blonde's office before quickly closing the blinds. He heard a giggle reverberate through the bullpen as his partner snapped the door shut. Picking up his phone, he dialed the one person that he knew would help him with his schemes. "Hey baby girl. How would you like to play 007 with me?"

"Oh, Mr. Bond. I thought you'd never ask," Garcia said seductively.

* * *

JJ relaxed in her chair as her girlfriend knelt on the floor in front of her, partially under her desk as her hands edged up the younger woman's thighs, her fingers dancing under the hem of her black skirt.

"Are you positive Garcia looped the feeds?" Emily asked while placing wet kisses on the inside of JJ's legs.

"Mmm, at this point I really don't care," the press liaison sighed. She pushed herself lower in her chair as Emily's mouth found her dripping center.

"I'm so glad I convinced you not to wear underwear today," the older woman murmured between forceful licks.

"Mhmm," was the only response JJ could muster.

"And I'm also glad that your best friend happens to be a technical genius," Emily smiled as she shoved three fingers into her waiting lover, curling them up as her tongue made slow circles around JJ's clit.

"God yes," JJ cried, digging her nails deeper into the arms of her chair.

Down in Garcia's lair, she and Morgan sat conspiring. "You know, for two hot and stealthy 'secret agents,' we suck at this," Derek grumbled. "Do you always loop the feed in Pennsylvania Petite's office?"

"Give me more credit than that, my hunk of burnin' love. That would send a red flag to the big guys upstairs. My little yellow popsicle and I worked out a schedule. There are certain hours on certain days, which I'm not allowed to divulge may I add, that she and your princess are free to do the nasty."

"Friday at 11 a.m. being one of them, I assume. What if you called up JJ and told her that something went haywire? She'd think they'd been caught red-handed."

"First, that would probably give our poor little small town gal a heart attack. And once again, you underestimate my gifts Mr. Bond," the quirky analyst tsked.

"Well, do you have a better idea?"

A mischievous smile lit up Garcia's face. "Actually, I do."

* * *

JJ's eyes squinted shut as she felt her body begin to shake. Rapid gasps and pants emanated through the room as Emily began sucking on her clit. "Yes baby, ah… right there," she chanted.

Her about to be mind-blowing orgasm was interrupted by a knock at the door. The blonde barely had time to straighten herself up before Derek Morgan barged into her office.

"Hey Jayje," he said nonchalantly. "Do you think you could look over this for me?"

"Uh…" The blonde was at a loss for words and tried to control her facial expressions as Emily's talented fingers exited her body. "Mhmm. Yeah, sure. Anything else?" she practically groaned, taking the folder from him.

"Do you know where Prentiss is? I haven't seen her since the de-briefing."

"She and I are dating, Derek. That doesn't mean I keep tabs on her constantly."

"Touché, East Allegheny. Maybe Baby Girl can track her down on the office cameras," he smiled before leaving her office as quickly as he'd came in.

"Fuck!" JJ grunted moments after Derek had left as Emily's fingers once again found their way back into her slick channel.

* * *

"They're fucking everywhere!" JJ exclaimed while riding to lunch with Emily. "You're hands on my breasts was my new desktop wallpaper as well as the background on my phone. And that file that Morgan _needed help_ with was actually a photo of me with my tongue down your throat. I've been so swamped with paperwork that I almost handed it off to Rossi without even opening it. We would've been screwed."

Emily tried to suppress a snicker as she put her hand on the knee of her fuming girlfriend. As his partner, she was used to Derek's incessant pranks, but she knew JJ wasn't.

"I feel betrayed... and pissed. Garcia was so in on this. There is no way he's smart enough to pull that shit off by himself," the younger woman ranted before glancing at her lover in the driver's seat. "Stop laughing. I mean it, Emily. This is in no way funny."

The brunette swallowed her laughter and gave a light squeeze to JJ's thigh. "Ahem, sorry baby. It's just..." and then it errupted, laughter pouring effortlessly from her lips, "You being pissed off over some hot and steamy pictures is kind of comical."

"I hope you enjoyed what happened in my office earlier because you are on JJ restriction until further notice. Don't even think about touching me"

"You want it as much as I do, Jen," Emily whispered seductively into her girlfriend's ear as they pulled into the parking lot and she slipped her hand between JJ's legs causing her to moan. "And you can't stop it anymore than I can."

" _Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."_

_-Groucho Marx_


	12. Chapter 12

" _A toddler believes that if you love a person, you stay with that person 100 percent of the time."_

_-Lawrence Balter_

His head flopped easily over her shoulder as she grabbed her purse and Henry's bag. Kicking the car door shut with her foot, she fiddled with the keys momentarily before getting them into the lock and turning off the house alarm moments later. Dropping all the bags by the front door, she effortlessly carried the three-year-old up the stairs to his room before changing him into his favorite pair of outer space pajamas. In his disgruntled state, Henry whimpered slightly before clasping his arms around her neck and burying his face in her silky hair.

"Shh," she soothed in his ear while rubbing her hand up and down his back. He talked excitedly after she picked him up from Will's, going on about his fourth birthday party that would be taking place tomorrow. Unfortunately, as it was nearing eight o'clock his energy wavered and he passed out in his carseat while talking animatedly about his Buzz Lightyear cake.

"Mommy," he cried as she laid him down and tucked him into the covers.

Her heart sank hearing him cry for his mother. In the past few weeks, she'd picked him up from daycare or even Will's when JJ had gotten caught up later at the office fielding phone calls, stuck in her monthly meeting with the director or trying to squeeze in a few extra files to help keep up with the workload. As far as Emily was concerned, most people severely underestimated the media liaison. She wasn't just the pretty face of the BAU that spoke to the public, outsmarted reporters and spent more time than any of the other team members with victims' families. No one truly understood all that her girlfriend dealt with on a daily basis and in the past month since they'd begun dating Emily still managed to be amazed by how well the blonde held herself together.

Staring at the little boy in front of her, Emily placed a light kiss on his forehead before tucking the blankets tighter around him. "Snug as a bug in a rug," she whispered, just as she'd seen JJ do hundreds of times. Henry smiled sleepily before grasping her hand and giving it a light tug; she knew this routine too. No matter how tired he may be the miniature JJ always needed story time. There'd only been one other time that Emily had been the one to tell it and she hated that his mother wasn't there to spend time with him before he drifted off into dreamland. Picking the book up off of his nightstand, Emily began to read, "Once there was a baby star. He lived up near the sun. And every night at bedtime that baby star wanted to have fun. He would shine and shine, and fall and shoot and twinkle oh so bright. And he said, 'Mommy, I'll run away if you make me say goodnight.' And then…"

"And then his mommy kissed his sparkly nose and said, 'No matter where you go, no matter where you are, no matter how big you grow and even if you stray far, I'll love you forever, because you're always my baby star.'," JJ finished as she walked into her son's bedroom.

"Mommy!" the little boy squealed excitedly, momentarily forgetting how exhausted he was.

"Hey buddy," the blonde smiled as she settled on the edge of his bed next to Emily. "Did you have a good day with daddy?"

"Party," was all he mumbled as his eyes grew weary once again.

"That's right. Tomorrow is your big party." She smoothed a hand through his shaggy blond hair before planting a soft kiss to his brow. "Goodnight baby."

"Night mommy." Henry's eyes fluttered closed as a yawn escaped his lips. Emily and JJ looked adoringly at the fatigued child before getting up to exit the room. "Night Aunt Emmy."

"Goodnight Henry," Emily responded before switching on his nightlight and pulling the door closed, leaving it cracked only slightly. "I'm sorry. I should've texted you to see where you were so you could read to him and tuck him in to bed. He was just so tuckered out. Will said he'd been running around like a maniac yelling about his party and Toy Story. I just didn't know when you'd be getting in…"

"Em, it's fine," JJ interrupted with a smirk, realizing with every passing second just how in love with Emily Prentiss she was. "He has all day to wear me out tomorrow."

The older woman simply grinned as she followed her girlfriend into the master bedroom where JJ was already slipping out of her work clothes and into her pajamas. Following suit, Emily dug through the younger woman's dresser drawers in search of something comfy. She'd almost forgotten which outfits were hers and which were JJ's. In the past month they'd rarely been apart, opting instead to sleep at each other's homes. Their clothes were all mixed together, Emily's shirts blending with JJ's and vice versa. Settling on a nightgown that she knew for certain belonged to her girlfriend the brunette shed her work attire and pulled the black silk over her head.

"Style over comfort this evening, Ms. Prentiss?" the younger agent joked as she curled up under the covers. Tucked comfortably in her bed, Emily's lasting scent surrounded her as she rolled over towards her girlfriend's 'side' of the mattress. It was almost strange to imagine that they'd only been going through this same song-and-dance regime for a little over a month and yet it felt like it had been a habit for years. She loved walking through the front door of her house and knowing that Emily would be there, standing in the kitchen cooking dinner or lounging on the couch with a glass of wine. She loved using _her_ key to unlock the older woman's condo before going upstairs to snuggle in the bed, awaiting the arrival of her lover. Aside from Garcia and Morgan, the rest of the team was still unaware of their relationship which made life both easier and complicated. They both agreed that they weren't ready for everyone to know; they didn't want to jeopardize their team and all that the BAU had fought for. They each hoped that in time they'd have enough cases under their belt to support the idea that they could function as both a couple and team members in dangerous situations, proving that their relationship wouldn't pose a threat to anyone's safety in the field.

"What did Will say when you told him I was picking Henry up again?" Emily questioned as she easily shoved her lover over and situated herself into her normal spot.

The blonde stuck out her tongue before cuddling into her lover's side. "Not much. He just said that I was lucky to have such close friends, especially when I was working late. Garcia went to Will's last week to get Henry so I'm sure that our relationship is a little less obvious because of that. He assumes that I'm simply surrounded by really great people," JJ answered.

"Um, which is totally true!" the older woman said with a laugh. "So when do we tell Will about our little love affair? Or Henry for that matter? For being only four tomorrow he is ridiculously smart. I'm sure he wonders why Aunt Emily sleeps over all the time- in mommy's bed may I add- or why she holds mommy's hand."

"I was thinking tomorrow I'll tell Will. He may talk slow, but he's not stupid. I'm just…" JJ paused wondering if she should voice her concerns.

"Jen? Tell me what you're thinking," Emily coaxed, running her hand down the blonde's arm.

"Will has been really great about everything: our separation, me living inthe house, evenly splitting our time with Henry even though my hours are unpredictable, keeping Henry when it's not his day or his weekend- totally screwing up his own plans. I just wonder how long he'll continue to be so great, ya know. Eventually something I do is going to push him over the edge and I don't want this to be it. I don't want him to think that I essentially left him for you. And I know he's going to be concerned about what this may mean for our son in the long run, having a gay mother. He can't be Prince Charming forever."

* * *

" _He obliged Cinderella to sit down, and, putting the slipper on her little foot, he found it went on very easily, and fitted her as if it had been made of wax."_

_-Charles Perrault_

Standing on her back porch, she watched her son play happily with Jack and some of his friends from daycare. It was as if overnight her yard had been turned into a giant toy box; the faces of Buzz Lightyear and Woody could be found everywhere and smack dab in the center was an enormous bounce house. She shook her head as she stared at the offending object yet again. By the end of the day she would regret it being there, knowing that one of the children would practically kill themselves bouncing around like a rag doll. Her team members were milling about, drinking, laughing, and spoiling Henry as always was the case. This was her family, in all of it dysfunction. She spotted Rossi sitting at one of the tables, a glass of amber liquid in hand as he tried to fend off a hyper five-year-old. His face turned into a slight scowl as the little girl climbed onto his lap, talking animatedly as she started scratching at his growing beard.

The blonde let out a sigh, realizing suddenly that she was still waiting for Will to say something. He leaned nonchalantly against the porch railing beside her, still processing the fact that the mother of his son and Emily were in a legitimate committed relationship. He ran a hand through his chestnut hair before turning to face her. He knew that look; the way her blue eyes lightened with hope and yet he could still see the fear hidden in them. Never in his life did he think that his relationship with the beautiful blonde next to him would turn out this way. Yes, they were still great friends and rarely argued, but it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to be the one holding JJ at night, touching her skin, kissing her lips, and running his fingers through those sunshine tresses. It was supposed to be him, not Emily. Nonetheless, he'd meant what he'd told her that night in his apartment. He just wanted her to be happy.

"I'm so sorry, Will," JJ said after a few more minutes of him remaining silent. "I didn't plan this and I didn't do it to hurt you."

"I know that, chère. You wouldn't willingly hurt anyone," Will spoke up with a slight smile. "You don't choose who you love and as sorry as I am that it isn't me… Emily is a great person and Henry adores the ground she walks on."

JJ held back tears as she wrapped her arms around the man that had given her the greatest gift of all. "You know I do love you, right?" she whispered in his ear. "I don't know if I will ever be able to thank you enough for everything you've given me."

"Don't thank me, JJ," he responded, pulling away.

"I'm serious, Will. You taught me that I don't need to be afraid of loving people or letting people love me. And this is going to sound terrible, but without you I don't think Emily and I would be together. I wouldn't have had the guts to tell her how I feel. I wouldn't be this happy."

The man nodded his head in understanding, ignoring the ache in his chest. It sucked; that much he would admit and later on he would probably drown his sorrows in a few glasses of whiskey, but for now he just wanted to enjoy Henry's birthday party. For now, he wanted to spend time with the mother of his son even if it was merely as friends. "Come on. Let's rejoin all the fun. I'm pretty sure I heard Henry yelling at Penelope about how he was ready for cake," Will said, clasping JJ's hand in his and pulling her off the porch.

"Cake!" Henry screamed as he jumped out of the bounce house, barely landing on his feet as he ran over to the table where all the goodies were spread out. Emily smiled at JJ and Will, noticing their enlaced hands, before she lit the candles and they all began to sing.

"Make a wish, kid!" Morgan yelled as he lifted his pseudo nephew off the ground, hovering him above the cake. The four-year-old basically spit everywhere as he let out a puff of air causing everyone to laugh and clap their hands. "Alright. Who ordered the slobber piece?"

"Quit picking on my son," JJ scolded Derek as she began to cut the slices and pass them out. The man held up his hands in surrender, watching Henry swerve through everyone in an attempt to jump into his father's arms.

"Happy birthday, little man," Will grinned. "What do you say you start bugging mommy about opening presents? Daddy's is the best."

"I heard that," the blonde said with a mocking glare. "How about we enjoy one party event at a time, starting with the cake."

* * *

JJ and Emily sat at the kitchen island, both of them slumped over slightly, exhausted from the chaotic birthday party, followed by an equally tiring clean up. Henry had cried dramatically when the bounce house had begun to deflate before he'd started screaming at the top of his lungs, literally throwing a tantrum on the porch as guests had filtered out. Will had scooped up the weary little boy, telling JJ that he'd take him upstairs and give him a bath before putting him to bed. Normally the blonde would have followed, but the yard was still a mess and she didn't want the team to do all of the hard work. She'd rolled her eyes halfway through the clean up before letting out an exasperated sigh as she watched Garcia and Morgan get into a cake fight. Somehow, even poor Spencer had been caught in the middle, taking the brunt of the sticky mess. He'd left looking annoyed thirty minutes later as icing coated his notoriously messy hair.

"I've never seen so many children in my life. He didn't have that many friends over at his third birthday party," Emily whined as she rubbed her neck.

"He could barely form a sentence then. The more he talks, the more everyone loves him," JJ smiled as she stood up from the barstool and began massaging her girlfriend's neck. "I think he get's that from his mother."

"I would make some kind of smart ass comment right now, but what you're doing feels too good," the brunette groaned as JJ's fingers dug into her knotted muscles. "Ugh, God. Right there."

"You're so tight, Em."

"That's what she said," Emily laughed.

"Don't make this dirty," the younger woman reprimanded as she continued her ministrations. "The father of my son is still upstairs."

"Actually, he's right here," Will said as he stepped into the kitchen soaking wet. "The monster is in bed. I tried to clean up the lake on the bathroom floor and I threw the towels in the laundry room. Need any help with the clean-up?"

"Luckily, you missed that part," JJ told him as she removed her hands from Emily's tense shoulders. "Thanks for giving him a bath and putting him to bed. You didn't have to dry up the bathroom either. I would've gotten around to it."

"Jayje, he's part of me too. You know there's nothing I wouldn't do for him or for you."

Emily sat feeling slightly uncomfortable as the two of them continued to talk almost as if she wasn't there. She hadn't felt awkward around Will before, but ever since JJ had told him about their relationship earlier she'd felt as if he was sizing her up. Making sure she was good enough. It hadn't bothered her to see the two of them holding hands while they sang 'Happy Birthday' to Henry or to watch them laughing and jumping together in the bounce house with their son, but she couldn't stop the slight pangs of jealousy that had begun to settle upon her as the day wore on. Will had given JJ something that she never would be able to. There was a small person, equal parts of both of them that represented what he and her girlfriend had once had. She and JJ would never have that, no matter how hard she tried.

"Well, I'm gonna go. I'll pick him tomorrow afternoon," Will informed his ex before giving her a hug and walking towards the front door. He had just reached for the knob when Emily came up behind him.

"Will, wait," the brunette requested. She didn't know what the hell she was doing or what possessed her to do it, but she couldn't stop herself from asking. "Are you okay with this- with me and her?"

The man stood there slightly stunned at the question as he rubbed his head uncomfortably. "I don't really have choice, Emily. I want her to be happy and I can't do that, but you can. I see the way she looks at you. She never looked at me like that." Without another word, he nodded his head at her and walked out the door.

The older woman wasn't sure how to take what he'd just said. Was it approval? She shook her head as she turned around to see an equally shocked JJ standing behind her.

"What the hell was that?" JJ questioned, having not heard the entire conversation. "What was he talking about?"

"I just wanted to make sure he was truly okay with me being here and being a part of his son's life as more than just an imitation aunt," Emily admitted.

"I don't need his permission, Emily. And neither do you."

"I wasn't asking for permission."

"Then what?"

The profiler sighed lightly, trying to hide the neediness that she felt creeping into her voice. "Acceptance."

" _Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons."_

_-Jessica Lange_


	13. Chapter 13

_"The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you."_

_-Tony Robbins_

"I no get it," Henry shrugged again as he and Emily stood outside the door to the master bedroom. His sandy hair stuck up in all directions from a night of contended sleep, his soft blue eyes still glazed over from having just woken up. He'd carefully made his way down the stairs just a few minutes earlier to find his Aunt Emily standing in the kitchen putting a few finishing touches on breakfast. Upon seeing the tired little boy, she'd chastised him lightly about going down the stairs by himself before Henry had informed her that four year olds could do it all by themselves. "We can't eat in the rooms. Mommy says we is not allowed cause then we will has bugs."

"We'll be extra careful," Emily promised before padding in to her girlfriend's room, followed closely by Henry. When she'd awaken over half an hour ago, she couldn't remember ever feeling so refreshed. The clock had read 6:53, close to her normal waking hour on a Sunday morning. She'd slipped out of bed, careful not to wake a snoozing JJ, before heading down to the kitchen to start brewing some coffee. The air had held a slight chill as she'd walked onto the porch, mug in hand, and for a second she'd wished that she could stay lost in this moment forever. People were opening their front doors, still clad in their robes and house slippers, to grab the morning paper before eliciting a slight wave and returning to their own domains. "Welcome to suburbia, Emily," she'd laughed to herself as she closed the door, returning to the kitchen to embark on her plan of whipping up banana pancakes for the sleeping beauties upstairs. She hadn't expected Henry to come waltzing down the stairs a little after 7:30, but she'd quickly let him in on the plan of waking mommy up with breakfast in bed.

As Emily set the food down on JJ's nightstand before perching on the edge of the mattress next to her lover, Henry had already climbed on to the bed, resting on his knees as he gently poked at his mother's shoulder.

"Wake up Mommy. The sun is up," he whispered, watching JJ's eyes flutter open. She smiled softly before grasping him in her arms and smothering him with kisses. With a now four-year-old running around, she never got to sleep a little extra on Sunday mornings. As soon as the sky brightened and the sun made its appearance, her son would clamber out of bed, ready to start his day. It was a good thing that she was a morning person. "You're silly mommy!" Henry giggled as he struggled to escape JJ's clutches. "Let go. You has to eat your panacakes."

"Pancakes?" the blonde questioned, raising her eyebrows. She rolled over slightly, finally noticing Emily sitting patiently beside her. "You made me breakfast?" JJ looked at the older woman adoringly before lifting herself up on her elbows. She wasn't thinking clearly when she pulled Emily in for a slow good-morning kiss with Henry still beside her, now slightly perplexed. Emily cleared her throat uncomfortably after their lips parted, eyeing JJ carefully as she nodded in the direction of the child with the furrowed brow.

"Oh shit!" the blonde exclaimed as she realized what she'd done, her hand then clasping over her own mouth to cover the curse word.

Henry began to speak after a sharp intake of breath, "Oooh! You says a bad word! That means you has to put monies in the jar." He nodded at her pointedly, his face now in a full frown as he began to analyze what he'd just seen with his toddler brain. "Girls no kiss girls."

The duo continued to exchange glances with each other and the little boy as they tried to figure out how to explain the situation.

"Some girls do," Emily said before receiving a scowl from JJ. The brunette simply shrugged her shoulders as if saying, "Well, it's true," before turning her attention back to an even more confused Henry.

"How about we eat these yummy pancakes that Aunt Emily made and then we'll all sit down and talk about… um, about us kissing," JJ pleaded. She really needed time to process how to explain the situation delicately to a four-year-old. Henry just nodded, shrugging it off as if it were no big deal before asking if he could turn on the TV and watch cartoons.

After they'd finished eating, Henry leapt off of the bed, yelling behind him to tell his mother that since he was four now he could pick out his own clothes. Will was supposed to be picking him up at 1:30 to take him to the park. The boy returned a few minutes later wearing his favorite pair of denim shorts and a dinosaur t-shirt, which was currently on backwards.

"You almost got it right, little man," Emily laughed as she ruffled his hair and helped him fix his shirt.

"Aunt Emmy! You messy up my hairs," Henry pouted.

"Oh, so sorry. I wasn't aware that you could mess up bed head," she apologized sarcastically. Jennifer couldn't help but smile as her girlfriend rolled her eyes playfully and began tickling the little blond boy relentlessly.

"Alright, Em. Give him a break. The kid can barely breathe," JJ mock scolded as Henry's face began to grow red from giggling so much and attempting to break free. "Plus, I need him to calm down before we can have this conversation," she added more seriously.

As if sensing the change in mood, Henry sat up and crawled in between his mother and Emily, his back resting against the headboard like theirs'. "I is listening," he said.

Emily bit her lip as she stifled a chuckle. His face looked so stern that it couldn't help but to be cute. She swallowed the laugh as she tried her best to regain some composure. At one point, about a week ago, she and JJ had discussed how exactly they would tell Henry. After debating on different possibilities for over an hour the pair had given up, thinking that they'd have time to thrash it out at a later date. That was certainly proving to be the wrong choice seeing as how they now both sat in silence with Henry looking on expectantly.

JJ took a deep breath as if she was about to speak before sighing and closing her mouth once again. Since JJ was having difficulty getting started, Emily began, "Henry, do you know what boyfriends and girlfriends are?" Cerulean eyes stared up at her as he shrugged and shook his head.

"Maggie said she is my girlfriend and says that means we has to holds hands," he explained. "I no wanna holds her hand cause Bryce says she has cooties."

The brunette smiled at him before continuing. "Aw. She just likes you, bud. And sometimes when two people really like each other they decide to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Does that make sense?"

Henry crinkled his nose as he thought. "Like mommy and daddy?"

"Mommy and daddy used to be boyfriend and girlfriend," JJ started, determining that it was time for her to take over. "But then one day we just decided to be friends." She could tell by the look on her son's face that he was more than a little confused, yet trying really hard to understand.

"But you kissed Aunt Emmy and she's nots a boy."

"Sometimes girls like other girls and boys like other boys," Emily spoke up again as she noticed her girlfriend faltering. "And I like your mommy very much. I love you and her very much."

"Bentley has two mommies!" Henry squealed as he suddenly remembered. "Do I has two mommies now?"

This time Emily was the one who appeared caught off guard. What was she going to be to Henry? What would he call her? Would he still call her Aunt Emily after she and JJ had been together for years? That conversation would go over really well when being introduced later in life. She could only imagine… "This is my mom and this is my Aunt Emily, her girlfriend." She shuddered at the sound of it. Sure, she wasn't his real aunt, but other people wouldn't always know that. They'd look at it as some inbreeding fest.

She heard JJ talking, but her mind was still reeling as she watched Henry run out of the room with a smile on his face. She glanced at her girlfriend only momentarily before rubbing her temples. "What are we going to do when he eventually has to introduce me as Aunt Mommy?" Emily asked, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Em, it's not like we're sisters. We were best friends first; a surrogate family," JJ sighed.

"Yeah, but not everyone will know that."

"Are you seriously freaking out about him calling you Aunt Emily?" It's not like we're starring in the next Wrong Turn movie. Would you rather he just calls you Emily?"

The older woman looked at JJ, shock playing across her beautiful features. "No!" she squeaked out. "I don't want that at all. To everyone I'm just Emily. I've never been anyone's aunt, niece, sister or mother. Hell, I barely even feel like I'm someone's daughter half of the time. Henry makes me feel like more than just plain ol' Emily. I like being something to somebody in this world."

"Baby, you're my somebody, my something," JJ soothed as she tucked a strand of midnight hair behind Emily's ear. "You're my everything."

* * *

" _Be calm in arguing; for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth discourtesy."  
_ _-George Herbert_

"Jen, honey! I'm pretty sure Will's here," Emily called from the kitchen as she heard a car door shut outside. The blonde was upstairs with Henry, making sure the bag he carried back and forth between his parent's houses was completely stocked: his favorite book, his baby blanket- every child needed a crutch, a few extra outfits since most of his clothes remained at JJ's and of course whatever toys Henry felt the need to take to his daddy's.

"Let him in for me, please! We'll be down in a minute," JJ yelled to her lover from the bedroom.

Emily sighed lightly before wiping her soapy hands on a dish towel and heading for the living room. She tried to hide her surprise when she saw the lock click and the door open, revealing Will standing there with his keys in hand. "Just let yourself in," she said with dry humor before giving him a polite smile. "Hi Will."

"This was my house so I am allowed to simply let myself in," Will responded with distain.

"Exactly… was," the brunette mumbled as she turned away to go back into the kitchen. She knew that genuinely Will was a nice guy, but sometimes he took things with JJ for granted. For example, holding her hand, kissing her on the lips as he said goodbye or letting himself into _her_ house. Jennifer was her girlfriend, not his. And Emily was fairly certain that she was acting like a petulant child, the jealousy lingering within her, but she really didn't care. Sometimes Will LaMontagne just got under skin. She heard his footsteps following behind her and decided she could at least be civil. He hadn't directly or intentionally done anything to piss her off. "Would you like something to drink?" Emily questioned as she reached for a glass.

"I can get it. I know where everything is," Will stated as he accepted the glass and walked towards the fridge. "So are you living here now? Is that why y'all decided to tell me last night- ease me into you living in this house?"

"I'm sorry?" The profiler furrowed her perfectly sculpted brows, worried that things were about to take a turn for the worse.

"Did you move into my and JJ's house? I mean, you didn't seem too happy when I just let myself in and you kinda grimaced just now when I made my own drink. I didn't mean to upset your desire to play hostess."

Ignoring the anger she felt building, Emily tried to keep her tone normal as she spoke, "No, I don't live in Jennifer's house. She and I stay here when she has Henry and usually at my condo when she doesn't. We're actually going to my place today, in case you were curious." She couldn't help but add that last part, wanting to rub it in his smug face that she had JJ and he didn't.

"Daddy!" Henry screeched as he bounded into the kitchen, interrupting whatever Will was about to say. JJ trudged behind him, carrying his backpack and duffel bag as she explained that the four-year-old had wanted to pack some of the new toys he'd gotten for his birthday. Will gave his son a hug before standing back up to peck JJ on the lips and taking the bags from her. JJ noticed Emily's glare; she could almost feel the jealousy radiating off of her girlfriend. Part of the blonde felt irritated at Emily's irrationality, but a much larger part was turned on by the profiler's open display of emotions- it was so rare.

"Daddy, guess what?" the little boy piped up as soon as he realized nobody was paying attention to him. Will simply looked at his son quizzically as he waited for an answer. "I has two mommies now!"

Both women opened their eyes wide at this statement, JJ's skin flushing simultaneously. While the media liaison had known she would have to tell Will today that Henry knew about her and Emily, that wasn't exactly how she planned on the whole thing going.

"…just like Bentley," Henry continued to ramble. "They kissed on the lips like you and mommy. But you aren't mommy's boyfriend no more. Aunt Emmy is her girlfriend so now she's my mommy too!" He clapped his hands excitedly before JJ asked him to go up to his room and play for a little bit, forgetting the fact that she didn't like him going up the stairs by himself.

"You told him that Emily was his mama?" Will questioned angrily after his son was out of earshot.

"It wasn't like that, Will," JJ defended, her voice calm.

"Then what was it like, JJ? What were you thinking? He's four!" Will's voice had risen now, on the verge of yelling. "So he has two mothers and where does that leave me? I'm supposed to sit around and watch while you and your new girlfriend play house with my son? This is…"

"He's _our_ son!" JJ screamed, immediately halting Will's tirade. "So here's a reminder to you, I'm allowed to make decisions in his life. I'm allowed to tell him who Emily is to me, to explain to him what that means and what she means to me. He asked us if that meant he had two mothers like his friend from school. When I asked him if that's what he wanted and he said yes, I wasn't going to stop him."

Will's breathing was heavy and sporadic as he pointed a finger at Emily. "It all makes sense now," he said accusingly. "That's why you became territorial when I let myself in. Just because Henry thinks he suddenly has two mothers, doesn't make you one. It doesn't make you his parent. He is my and JJ's son, not yours! You can't just waltz in her and take over the life I built, the life I worked for!"

Having heard enough, Emily shook her head before she began to speak, "I didn't ask him to call me mommy. I'm not even sure how I feel about that. But I don't pretend to be something more than who I am… and most days, I can't even figure out who that is." The older woman's voice was calm and graceful as she spoke. "I would love to be a mother figure in Henry's life. It scares the hell out of me, but he's part of the package, part of JJ. Which means he's part of me. I'm not going anywhere, Will… whether you like it or not."

"You expect me to just accept this? You took over my life!" the former detective said loudly. "This was my house. She was my girlfriend."

"That's exactly my point from earlier!" Emily yelled, finally losing her patience. " _Was_ your house. _Was_ your girlfriend. Not anymore. Henry is still your son, but I want to be a part of his life. I want to have a part in helping JJ raise him."

"Oh fuck you Emily!"

"God damn it, Will. That's enough," JJ said. She was way passed angry, now heading straight for infuriated. "You do not get to talk to her like that. You don't have a say in my relationship with her. You don't get to choose what our son wants her to be to him either. That is Henry's choice." She paused momentarily, collecting her thoughts, but held her hand up to impede Will as he opened his mouth to speak. "Don't! This conversation is over. I'm not going to stop you from taking Henry today because he is excited about spending time with you, but you seriously need to calm down before leaving this house with our son."

"Chère, I…" Will started.

"I mean it Will, don't. Emily and I are going to go upstairs to make sure Henry is ready," JJ interrupted before latching on to her lover's hand and dragging her towards the little boy's room.

" _A sudden silence in the middle of a conversation suddenly brings us back to essentials: it reveals how dearly we must pay for the invention of speech."  
-Emile M. Cioran_


	14. Chapter 14

" _Hurt is a part of life. To be honest, I think hurt is a part of happiness, that our definition of happiness has gotten very narrow lately, very nervous, a little afraid of this brawling, fabulous, unpredictable world."_

_-Julian Gough_

The media liaison sat solemnly at Emily's dining room table looking over case files that she would have to disperse to the team and other FBI personnel tomorrow. In all honesty she couldn't focus on what she was reading, couldn't comprehend the fact that she was staring at pictures of mangled and dismembered bodies. She was too distraught over the fiasco with Will that had ensued just a few hours ago. She'd been right when telling her girlfriend that he couldn't be Prince Charming forever. Of course the feud between her and her ex wouldn't last long, he would apologize and so would she, but she hated being on the outs with him at any point in time. They'd worked hard to have a stable relationship since breaking up and to keep things between them civil for Henry's sake; now it all just seemed futile. Now she knew that he would always have the thought that Emily was the replacement – his replacement- lingering in the back of his mind.

Her girlfriend came up behind her so quietly that she'd barely registered that she was there; only really noticing the older woman's presence when she felt Emily's delicate fingers ghost across her skin and push the hair off of her neck. JJ tilted her head to the side as the brunette pressed languid kisses against her flesh, her tongue darting out to lick the shell of her ear. She closed her now darkened sapphire eyes as Emily's hands dipped under the collar of her t-shirt, caressing the porcelain skin that lie beneath. JJ could already feel her arousal growing as she bit at her bottom lip to suppress a groan.

Emily removed her hands from her lover's loose fitting shirt before picking the stack of files up off the table and moving them onto the floor. Grasping JJ's hand in her own, she pulled the blonde to her feet before pushing her gently into the edge of the dark wood. JJ could take a hint; she lifted herself up onto the solid maple and then leaned back, her body splaying flush with the grain as Emily began to work her magic.

Raven locks tickled JJ's taut tummy as Emily lifted up the younger woman's shirt, just slightly, trailing kisses along perfectly tanned skin. The profiler loved that her girlfriend had both the body and looks that screamed 'beach babe.' Never in her life had she known anyone as breathtakingly sexy as the blonde bombshell, Jennifer Jareau.

JJ heard the rip of fabric as Emily literally tore her shirt off of her, too impatient to take the time to pull it up over her head. She tangled her fingers in midnight hair as the older woman's tongue danced along the valley between her breasts. God, how she loved that tongue, that mouth, that amazing woman. Everything about Emily turned her on and every time that breath would stroke her flesh, she could swear her toes curled. The profiler was a walking goddess, cast down from the heavens as the others envied her beauty, her strength, her grace… her love.

Emily slowly climbed on top of the table, her body straddling the younger woman's as she leaned forward to capture JJ's mouth with her own, her coal black hair creating a curtain of darkness around them. She licked the outside of her girlfriend's supple lips, requesting entrance, before JJ let her in with a moan of appreciation. The brunette felt JJ's fingers fumbling with the buttons on her shirt before tearing it open, allowing the small items to clatter across the floor.

JJ's breath hitched at the sound, buttons clanging as a white button-up ripped open. She tried her best to ignore the reminder as her girlfriend slid down the zipper of her jeans and tugged them off. Cool air rapped around the blonde's lean legs as the offending item was removed and JJ was immediately reminded of the cold October nights she spent in that barn.

Emily noticed the smaller woman's tension as she slipped a knee between JJ's parted thighs, pressing it into her center. At first she thought the anxiety had everything to do with what was going on with Will, but when she saw the telltale tears forming in the baby blue orbs, she knew otherwise. As she positioned her body to slide off of both JJ and the table, not wanting to be the cause of JJ's distress over her abduction, her lover surprised her by fisting a hand into her hair and pulling her in for a bruising kiss.

The media liaison was done being a pawn in Mitchell Hagin's game. She was going to live her life, and she was going to live it with Emily.

Her nails scraped across the older woman's back as she unclasped her bra, her tongue still battling for dominance inside of Emily's mouth. She felt the profiler's hand tangle in her hair before tugging at her golden locks, sending shivers down her spine. No longer thinking, she bit down on her girlfriend's pulse point, gently at first but then tasting the blood that flowed over her tongue after she broke through alabaster skin.

Emily screamed lightly as she felt JJ's teeth pierce her flesh, the pain mixing with the pleasure of her lover cupping her over her jeans. She let out a soft whimper as JJ's hand slid down the front of her pants, diving easily into her moist folds. She became lost in the moment before reluctantly pulling away, reminding herself that this little endeavor was all about loving and pleasing Jennifer. She made her way down the younger woman's body, sliding JJ's thong to the side before shoving two fingers deep inside the woman she loved.

The blonde groaned loudly as Emily caressed her velvet walls, the fabric of her panties fractioning over her aching clit. She began to move her hips rhythmically along with Emily's talented fingers, already feeling her orgasm building. Her small frame thumped against the wooden table as a guttural moan tore from her throat.

Neither woman had said a word as their limbs tangled together in ecstasy, as their fingers scratched at each other's skin, as their teeth nipped at each other's necks, as their sweat coated each other's flesh. This is what it felt like to love someone, to give yourself to someone completely. This is what it felt like to be JJ and Emily.

* * *

" _You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles."_

_-Mae West_

Two very sated women lay tangled on the couch, their bare skin melding together under the cover of a blanket. JJ's fingers trailed delicately down Emily's spine as the older woman lay her head on her chest, her raven hair colliding with sunshine locks. They'd spent most of the day ravishing each other all over the condo, touching each other and caressing exposed skin in rooms and on furniture that was normally meant for much tamer activities.

"Sorry again about the coffee pot," JJ said with a grin as she remembered what it had felt like to shove her girlfriend up onto the marble counter top as she buried her face in the brunette's wetness. They'd been too consumed with each other to even acknowledge the crash of glass as Emily's coffee pot tumbled to the floor. A mess of damaged items had been left in their wake as they made love on every surface of the kitchen before stumbling into the living room, still twisted together in a heap of lust, desire and adoration. The blonde was pretty sure she had a gruesome rug burn from being strewn across the floor as her girlfriend plunged her fingers deep inside of her, making her come apart at the seams as she screamed Emily's name in ecstasy.

"I'm so not worried about the coffee pot, Jayje," Emily smiled into her lover's chest before planting a kiss atop of JJ's breast and tracing an insubstantial pattern across her skin. "Trust me; it's the last thing on my mind."

Jennifer heard the seduction in the older agent's voice as she felt Emily's other hand slip between her legs. Dear God, this amazing woman was going to be the death of her. She sighed in contentment before moaning with pleasure when she felt Emily press against her already swollen nub. Apparently Ms. Prentiss' appetite for her was unquenchable, but at this moment JJ really didn't care how exhausted she felt from the days activities. All she wanted was to feel her girlfriend inside of her again, to fall over the edge of elation at Emily's hand. "Oh my… Em, baby," JJ groaned. "Ah, that feels so good."

Deciding to be mischievous, Emily removed her fingers from inside of her lover. She wanted to play a little game. JJ grunted in disapproval as she watched the brunette suck her juices off of her fingers. Emily thought this was definitely going to be fun. "Tell me what you want, Jen," she said seductively. She knew that the younger woman was embarrassed at the thought of speaking her mind in the bedroom, of saying anything remotely considered dirty.

"Em," JJ whined, her cobalt eyes darkening with lust. She'd never had a partner that made her feel this… crazy! She wanted Emily all of the time, her desire for the older woman was constant and if having her yet again meant she would have to be a little naughty, maybe she could do that. Of course she was the sweet innocent farm girl, but for Emily she could be anything, would be anything, and would say anything.

"I love you," the blonde stated, hoping that this would be enough.

"What do you want me to do to you?" The older woman pressed on as she threw the blanket off and began placing kisses along JJ's lower abdomen. She knew she would probably give in to her girlfriend's pleading before any dirty words left JJ's mouth, but it sure would be fun to try. It was always fun to tease her.

"Emmm," she pleaded again. "I can't…" She squinted her eyes shut as Emily's hand traced over arousal before her nails dug into her thigh. "Oh God, please."

"Tell me what you want and it's yours," Emily whispered against JJ's sweat soaked skin, her tongue drawing a line up the inside of the younger woman's thigh.

"Just fuck me already!" JJ yelped.

"How? How do you want me to _fuck_ you, Jennifer?" Now she was definitely just teasing her, her teeth biting the flesh just above JJ's dripping center.

The words were forming in her throat, JJ could feel them there, but she didn't know if she could say them. She knew that if she held out long enough, if she begged and pleaded enough, Emily would just give in to her. Wouldn't she? She was just about to beg again when she felt the older woman blow against her clit, her soft breath engulfing her love button, sending sparks of pleasure zipping through her body. "Mmm," she groaned.

"Tell. Me. Now. Or I stop." There it was, the ultimatum.

"Fuck Em, I want you inside of me. Please, I want to feel your tongue licking every inch of my… of me."

Emily smirked and tried to suppress a laugh. She knew without a doubt that JJ wouldn't say the 'p-word.' "Fast or slow?" the brunette questioned, wondering how far she could push her lover.

"Fast. Dear God, I want you to make me come so hard I won't be able to walk tomorrow. Is that what you wanted to hear?" JJ hummed breathlessly.

"Your wish is my command," Emily said before plunging three fingers deep inside of JJ and taking her clit in her mouth. A shriek of pleasure immediately erupted from JJ's throat and the older woman couldn't have been happier.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" the brunette giggled a little while later as JJ's body gleamed with sweat. "I even almost got you to utter the word pussy."

"Ugh, Em. I hate that word. I would never say it," the blonde said with slight disgust as she rested her worn out torso against the arm of the couch.

"What if I said I wanted you inside of mine? What if I said I wanted your tongue lapping up the cum that flowed out of my pu…"

"Don't say it again!" JJ semi-laughed as she flipped the older woman and straddled her lap. "I'll do it, but please don't say that word."

"Pussy," the older woman grinned as JJ shook her head and planted a kiss on her lips. "Touch me, Jen."

"And for me, that's all you have to say," the blonde whispered into her ear before dipping her fingers inside of her awaiting lover.

" _It is love rather than sexual lust or unbridled sexuality if, in addition to the need or want involved, there is also some impulse to give pleasure to the persons thus loved and not merely to use them for our own selfish pleasure."_

_-Mortimer Adler_


	15. Chapter 15

" _Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns."_

_-Byrant H. McGill_

When a case went over JJ's head they all knew it mean trouble. The BAU members sat encompassing the round table Monday morning as Hotch began to go over details of their newest case. They'd all wanted to gasp as pictures of five dead women appeared on the screen; all with sunshine hair and ocean blue eyes. They only differed from the resident media liaison in that they ranged between the ages of 18 and 23. All the beautiful blondes were inhabitants of sunny Florida which seemed like an oxymoron as the team gazed at the images of their cold dead bodies.

As Hotch began to list off the names, ages and other various information about the women, the team scanned through their tablets trying to digest as much as they could.

"Each of these women was held captive for approximately three days before being murdered on day four. There were ligature marks around their necks. Local police identified the markings as being made by chains. However strangulation wasn't the cause of death. Our unsub sliced their arms, thus causing them to bleed out over a period of time," Hotch explained.

"Any signs of sexual abuse?" Morgan questioned, still trying- and failing- to ignore the fact that these woman resembled JJ.

"They were each abused both physically and sexually. Along with that, they all had three to four letters carved into their chests across their clavicles. As of right now, the local police department has been unable to decipher what they spell out, but they're assuming that when put together they form some sort of word or phrase that means something to our unsub."

"What are the letters, Hotch? Maybe I could be of some assistance," Reid suggested.

As Hotch read off the scramble of letters, Emily continued to look through the information when she noticed something that startled her. "Each of our victims was born in July," she stated shakily.

"Why is that particularly significant besides narrowing down our victim pool?" Rossi asked, already forming the same theory as everyone else: that their unsub was targeting women who looked and were very close in age to a woman who wronged him.

"My birthday is in July," JJ answered, wondering if that's why her girlfriend appeared visually distressed.

"I'm sure it's a coincidence," Morgan comforted.

"Uh guys," Reid piped up. "I think I unscrambled our unsubs message. With the exception of the letters E, L and Y, it clearly spells out…" The young genius paused, debating internally if he should reveal what it deciphered.

"Spence, come on," JJ urged, "What does it say?"

"It says Jennifer Jareau."

The blonde was powerless to hide the worry that was immediately etched on her face. She was fairly certain that the team noticed her grow pale, her blue eyes glazing over in shock. Morgan's hand reached up to pat her shoulder sympathetically as Emily squeezed her knee. JJ's first clear thought was that these five women were dead because of her, followed shortly after by concern for her own safety.

"Wheels up in thirty. We're off to Gainesville, Florida. Garcia has booked us a hotel just off campus. JJ, I'd like to speak with you in private before we go," Hotch ordered.

"Gainesville, home of the Gainesville Ripper… where the Danny Rolling's murders took place 21 years ago?" Morgan inquired.

JJ didn't even hear Derek's question as her mind was too busy reeling with all this information. Campus- as in the University of Florida, where Ashley attended school. Her name carved into blue-eyed blondes that were all born in July. Yeah, that would be one big fucking coincidence.

* * *

Reid was busy building a geographic profile when his colleagues began to file back into their home-away-from-home at the Gainesville Police Department, returning from crime scenes, interviewing the families, and going over evidence down in the evidence locker.

Jennifer sat quietly in the corner of the room they'd been set up in as she went over notes for her press conference. Before they'd left the BAU, Hotch had asked her if she was sure she could do this. It was obvious that JJ was a potential target and the Unit Chief knew that he was going against many different protocols by keeping his team on the case, but they were the best; of that there was no doubt. They'd collectively chosen not to inform the GPD of JJ's possible connection to their unsub, whoever it may be. Other than the fact that she was delivering the news to the public, her name was not to be brought up at the press conference. No one needed to know that the letters to her name were carved into five dead women.

"Hey gorgeous. How ya holding up?" Emily asked as she took a seat next to her obviously stressed girlfriend and handed her a mug of steaming liquid. "Their coffee sucks, but they've all got that Southern hospitality thing going on. Some of them even hold a candle to Will's terrible accent." The brunette smiled, hoping the light-hearted comment would elicit a similar response from her shaken lover. "Jen, you were awfully quiet on the jet and you've barely spoken to anyone since we arrived. Do you wanna talk about it?"

The blonde let out a small scoff as she ran her finger around the rim of the coffee mug. "That's just it; no one wants to talk about it. Hotch keeps pretending that it wasn't my name sliced into those women, that they don't look like me, that we're not in the town where my niece goes to college. He only sees what he wants to. What if his decision to remain blind leads more women to their deaths? We can't work this case and stay unbiased, Emily. How can I deliver a press conference acting as if we know nothing? That we don't know this is about me…"

"You sidestep reporters all the time. You can do this," Emily reassured her.

"But this time I don't want to," JJ said as she grabbed her things and left the room.

"She's right you know," Reid spoke up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. But Jennifer has a point. We can't act like we don't know what this guy is after. I know we'd all do anything to protect this team, our team, but ignoring the fact that JJ's the target could be our downfall. Staying blind because we don't want to admit what happened to her once isn't going to help us. No one's going to like this, especially not her, but we need to treat her like a potential victim. Rework the profile."

"I see where you're coming from, but this isn't about ignoring the evidence we have. It's about keeping it under wraps so we can _legally_ work this case; so we can solve this case. This is all Strauss needs to pull us off and send us straight back to Quantico," the brunette woman defended.

"But we're acting like the clues don't point us straight to JJ. She's his target and we know that, she knows that. Don't you?" Reid questioned. His voice was soft and methodical as always, but Emily could feel her anger rising. And it was then that the young genius began to piece things together. He knew that he didn't always see things the way everyone else did, but this was plain as day, right in front of his face. "You do see it. You just don't want to," he said sympathetically.

"Shut up, Reid!" Emily spat out. She couldn't bring herself to admit that this unsub was after JJ, her JJ. This couldn't be happening again. What if she was abducted for a second time? The team had barely survived that before and Emily knew that there was no way she'd be able to hold herself together. If anything happened to the woman she loved, she wouldn't be able to compartmentalize that.

"I'm not trying to upset you, Emily," he placated. "I'm just stating facts."

"Well maybe, for once, you should just keep your fucking facts and statistics to yourself."

The older brunette was seething when Hotch walked into the room. Although he recognized the tension between the two, he didn't have the time or energy to deal with their little tiff right now. "We need to gather the team. Agent Jareau and I discussed our predicament and we're no longer going to hide JJ's connection. As of now, we're going to have to start digging into her life, finding her enemies and treating her as a potential target. Whether we like it or not, we can't deny this anymore."

The team later sat huddled around the table in the small precinct as they waited for Hotch and JJ to finish talking just outside the door. Emily was biting her nails nonstop, to the point where they were almost bleeding. Nerves were getting the best of her and her colleagues were beginning to notice. Morgan thumbed through files and photographs while Reid continued to work the geographic profile; their unsub was literally all over the map. They'd recently learned that another body had been found and they were eagerly waiting to hear back from the medical examiner, and for Hotch to send them off to the most recent crime scene, but none of them knew how soon that would be. All protocols were being thrown out the window as they tried to look at this from a new angle, to see JJ as a victim. Luckily, Bill Lancaster, the lead detective with the GPD, was understanding as CSU combed through the scene and he'd agreed to report all information to the BAU team.

"Did you say something, Reid?" Morgan asked as he heard the young agent mumbling.

"I was just looking over the dumpsites again. All of them, including the most recent, are within a five minute walking distance or are on campus. There seems to be no particular pattern and I'm wondering if maybe it's just a matter of convenience. The University of Florida campus encompasses 2,000 acres with 918 buildings and over 50,000 students last year alone. Why would he take the risk of leaving his victims in populated areas?" Reid explained.

"To get my attention," JJ stated as she and Hotch entered the room. "I have to assume that he brought me here for a reason. My niece, Ashley, is a student at UF and just got accepted to the Levin College of Law. As of now, I can no longer be sure if this is about me or her." The blonde's demeanor had drastically changed since Emily had seen her earlier. She no longer appeared fragile and broken, and instead Emily saw that familiar fire burning behind those cobalt eyes.

"So basically we're throwing victimology out the window. We have to assume that you're his end goal," Morgan said compassionately.

"We can't discount victimology completely. These women were relatively the same age as JJ's niece and they attend the same school," Reid argued. "That's an obvious correlation."

"But they were only considered as targets because of their resemblance to her," Rossi spoke up. "Ashley wouldn't even be part of this if she wasn't related to JJ." He turned his attention to the media liaison. "He's more than likely going to use her to get to you. I'm not trying to question your abilities as an agent, but are you sure you can do this? It's not going to be easy. We're all biased in some way, but for you it's a whole different story."

JJ smiled at the older man, her eyes softening as she realized the concern the team held for her. She couldn't be angry with them for wondering if she could do this. Part of her still wasn't even sure that she could, but she had to try. "We need to catch this guy. Now, you all need to do your jobs and start building a working profile."

They worked well into the night, combing over information both old and new. Rossi had secluded himself and JJ from the rest of the group as he asked her questions; nothing was off limits and he'd gone over everything from her relationship with Ashley to her breakup with Will. And she told him everything, aside from her relationship with Emily. This wasn't the time or place for that. Hotch and Morgan had returned a little while ago from the crime scene after Detective Lancaster had requested some fresh eyes and round-the-clock protective detail had officially been assigned to Ashley Jareau after the letters sliced into the most recent victim's collarbone had combined with the E, L and Y to spell out her name. JJ had wanted to have her immediately flown to Pennsylvania to stay with AJ and Jeanette, but the team had advised against it, suggesting that it may cause their unsub to deviate. With so little to go on they certainly couldn't afford to lose this guy.

"Hey," Emily said softly as she took a seat next to Reid at the small table. He simply nodded his hello as he continued to concentrate on the file in front of him. The resident braniac wasn't willing to look at her just yet, afraid that his emotions would be written all over his face. He knew that his constant ramblings could test people's nerves at times, but rarely ever Emily. She was a nerd just like him. That was the one thing they always understood about each other and as long as he could remember, the BAU's kick-ass Agent Prentiss, with her inner geekiness, would humor him. "Listen, Reid…" She paused, unsure of how best to start this apology. "I'm really sorry I snapped at you like that. It was uncalled for and I am just…"

"Worried," he finished. "Stressed. Exhausted. In love."

The last statement sent Emily into a stalemate. Had Reid just said 'in love?' Maybe the doctor wasn't as dense as they sometimes thought. "What?" she questioned, knowing she'd heard him right, but needing him to clarify.

"I thought I'd noticed something before, but I don't exactly see things like that. You and JJ, I see it now."

"I… I really don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, Emily. Just know that no matter what I'm here for you. You were there for me when I needed someone and I know I gave you and JJ a hard time when you came back, but you are a really important person in my life. I kind of see you as a big sister. I can keep this secret for you and for JJ. She means a lot to me too, ya know. And as for your apology, it's accepted. Statistics show that most apologies are, however it's not normally verbalized. People tend to go for gestures or other signs of acceptance rather than outright saying it since it sometimes can become uncomfortable for both the giver and the receiver."

"Is that your way of saying I should hug you?" Emily joked as she wrapped her arms around her young friend. "Thanks Reid. You're an equally important person in my life in case you were wondering."

" _There's one sad truth in life I've found_

_While journeying east and west-_

_The only folks we really wound_

_Are the ones we love the best._

_We flatter those we scarcely know,_

_We please the fleeting guest,_

_And deal full many a thoughtless blow_

_To those who love us best."_

_-Ella Wheeler Wilcox_

* * *

"There's no reason to freak out. It's just a precaution since I'm in town," JJ said through the phone as she tried to comfort her niece. The team had decided not to inform Ashley of the immediate danger she may be in, trying to write off the armed bodyguards that were acting as the redhead's escorts as just a safety measure. "Seriously Ash, I promise everything is fine. I just wanted to call you and let you know that there have been officers placed around your house and please don't go anywhere without one." She paused to listen to the 22-year-old as she ranted. "Yeah, we're investigating those murders. I know they look like me. We've already went through all that. Listen, you know I can't tell you all of these things. What? I really don't know right now. Honey, it' really late and I'm exhausted, and more than likely I will be up in just a matter of hours searching through case files so can we please talk more about this tomorrow?" Once again, more ranting. "I'll stop by and see you if I have time. To check on you and all that fun stuff. No, for the love of God, don't call Mimi and Pops. I don't need you and them ringing my cell at all hours of the night. I love you too. Goodnight, kid."

Emily smiled as she watched her lover hang up the phone and saunter over to their shared hotel bed. She could feel the fatigue seeping in to the very marrow of her bones just as plainly as it was written on JJ's face. A glance at the clock told her that it was well after 1 a.m. and they had a long day ahead of them in the morning. They would be delivering a profile to the Gainesville Police Department and then the media liaison would be out in front of all those cameras for the press conference. It was all so overwhelming at this point and Emily had been fighting with herself most of the day. Hiding her worry from the team was easy, but keeping those walls up in front of JJ was never that simple. The blonde could see right through them.

"Please don't look at me like that," JJ said as she collapsed onto the bed next to a seated Emily. Her hair spread across the comforter as her blue eyes stared into the chocolate brown eyes of her lover.

"Look at you like what?" the older woman inquired as she attempted to keep her voice even.

"Like you're worried about me."

"Um, hello! I am worried. We all are. You've just seemed so calm since you and Hotch decided to go full force with this whole throwing you to the wolves thing," Emily reproached.

JJ put her hand over her face, pinching her nose, as she breathed in deeply. "Throwing me to the wolves… what are you talking about?"

"Tomorrow morning you're going to stand up in front of a bunch of reporters while the guy who is trying to kill you may very well be in the audience. We already profiled that he is the type to want to insert himself into the investigation. What if he's just standing there with a gun waiting for you to walk out? Then what, huh?"

"Don't be so dramatic, Em."

"Don't be so fucking composed, Jen," Emily countered. She felt herself at her breaking point, not able to understand how this wasn't affecting the woman who lay next to her, seemingly unscathed by everything that was transpiring around them. "I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. We haven't been in this situation before, at least not like this. It was hell for me when you… when you were abducted and we weren't even together then. I can't even fathom how I would react if that happened now."

Sitting up, JJ cradled the profiler's face in her hands as she stared intently into troubled eyes. "Everything is going to be fine. I promise."

"You can't make a promise like that; no one can."

" _Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday."_

_-Author Unknown_


	16. Chapter 16

" _There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."_

_-Oscar Wilde_

When they'd given the profile, they'd described their unsub as a white male in his mid to late twenties. More than likely, he'd grown up in a middle class home and lived a life free of struggle. He was of above average intelligence, but blended well into society. He wouldn't stand out in a crowd and most people wouldn't spare him a second glance since he looked like every other man walking down the street. His car would be black, tan, nothing flashy. Probably a four door sedan. They were looking for a student, someone working on his Masters or Ph.D. with close ties to the university, working as a teacher's aide, or in one of the buildings around campus; possibly assisting professors in research studies. He'd be the last person you'd expect because he would always appear calm and meticulous. But they knew he'd slip up soon. He'd killed the last victim after only two days, escalating. His age was his downfall and with Jennifer so close, he was growing impatient.

That's where things didn't tie in. How did he know about her? They were missing the connection between the unsub and JJ. The pieces didn't all fit together and without them, they were no closer to solving the puzzle. That's why they were bringing in Ashley. The media liaison had begged and pleaded with Hotch to find another way, to leave her niece out of this. However, she knew her arguments were both useless and illogical. Ashley's name had been sliced into those women's chests just like hers. JJ had no choice; the redhead was part of this.

Jennifer Jareau stepped down from the podium as she ended the press conference. They still had little to go on as far as leads, having only checked in on a few guys around town since they'd arrived. Garcia was busy digging into the lives of the six dead women and if JJ had to answer anymore questions regarding her personal life she was going to go off the deep end. Rossi had one more time to ask her if she had any enemies before she pulled out her Glock 26 and shot him, just for good measure. Of course she had enemies; she was the communications coordinator and press liaison for the BAU. She'd helped put many serial killers and rapists behind bars. Just pick one.

Reporters swarmed her with unanswered questions as she began to make her way back into the precinct. She politely responded to a few while simultaneously shutting down rumors that were swirling about. Eventually the hounds died down and she continued her trek into the building.

"Aunt Jay!" She heard her nieces' familiar voice just as she was about to push the doors open. Fiery hair blew lightly in the wind as Ashley walked towards her with a decent looking man attached to her arm. "Sorry I'm a little early. One of my classes was canceled and I figured we could go ahead and get this out of the way. Matt and I have dinner plans tonight," the 22-year-old rambled on as she motioned to the silent guy next to her.

"Agent Jareau, it's nice to finally meet you. Ashley talks about you constantly," Matt said as he extended his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Matt. I've heard about you as well… some. And you can call me Jennifer," she responded as she shook his handed. She noticed the slight scowl Ashley threw her way before she corrected herself and spoke again. "Of course, most people just call me JJ so that works too."

The three stood in awkward silence before Matt dismissed himself to leave, telling Ashley he would pick her up in a few hours for dinner.

"Taking the bus with armed police officers is slightly mortifying so Matt dropped me off," Ashley explained. "I'm lucky he even wants to hang around me with how crazy this is. He seemed a little pensive at first when I told him about the whole investigation thing, but he's coming around. He's great, isn't he?"

"Where are the officers assigned to you?" JJ questioned. She followed her nieces pointed hand as Ashley motioned to the two UFPD officers that had trailed behind her and Matt in the squad car. "I would feel much better if you just skipped classes and dinners out with your boyfriend until this whole thing was over."

"Seriously? You said it's just a precaution. Quit being so dramatic. Anyways, what do you think about Matt?" Ashley smiled. They'd started dating a few weeks ago and JJ had listened to the redhead drone on about him every time they talked on the phone.

"What does he do? What do his parents do? What did you say he was going to school for?" JJ asked as they walked arm-in-arm into the Gainesville Police Department.

"God, Aunt Jay. Do you want him to just give you his social security number so you can do a background check or something?" Ashley scoffed.

"Ash, don't be silly," JJ started with a pause, "I don't need his social to a background check.

She winked as Ashley let out a whine, "You're incorrigible. You know that, right?"

* * *

Jennifer hated what she was about to do, hated that she was going to have to be completely truthful with Ashley and tell her the real situation regarding their current case. She hated that her niece was even tied up in all of this. Knowing that she herself was the target was one thing, but seeing Ashley's name carved alongside hers shook her to the core. The two of them had been through so much together and Ashley was the closest thing she'd had to a sister after Alex had died. That one little redheaded girl had changed her life. She couldn't lose her; she wouldn't lose her.

"Aunt Jay, what is this about?" Ashley asked as her aunt walked into the small room with Emily only a few steps behind her. Originally Hotch had requested that someone else talk to Ashley so they could remain as unbiased as possible, but JJ had put her foot down. If this was going to leave the young woman scarred in any way, she at least wanted to be there to comfort her.

"Hello again, Ashley," Emily smiled before she and JJ took a seat. "How have you been?"

"I was fine, but now I'm not so sure. You two are really starting to freak me out. Please tell me what is going on," Ashley begged.

"Ash," JJ started as she reached across the table to grasp her niece's hand in her own. "There are things about my job that I never wanted you to know about, much less see. Unfortunately, this is something I can't hide from you or protect you from. And for that I am beyond sorry." The blonde's voice was calm and serene as she began to explain pertinent details in the case to Ashley and she could literally feel her heart breaking when her niece had asked to see pictures, needing proof that her name was scrambled in there somewhere.

"Are you sure… it's me and you?" Ashley questioned as she glanced over the images, tears sliding from her emerald eyes.

And that was suddenly all it took to break Jennifer Jareau, to remind her that she was so far wrapped up in this case that she couldn't dig her way out. "You have no idea how much I'm hoping that the only one he's after is me," JJ replied, her eyes glittering with unshed tears. "I'm so sorry, Ash. I never wanted…" Her voice broke on a sob as the threatening tears began to fall. "Never wanted you to be involved… in something like this… in what I… what I do."

Emily watched in silence as Ashley stood up and came around the table to engulf the woman she loved more than life itself in a comforting embrace. She hated seeing JJ like this, to know what she was going through. Sitting there as JJ and Ashley cried was killing her and being unable to stop the pain they were feeling was worse than anything she'd ever imagined.

JJ pulled away first before sliding soft fingers along Ashley's cheeks to wipe away the remnants of tears. She suddenly felt embarrassed by such an open display of emotions, for basically sobbing in the interrogation room. Where did she go from here? She couldn't be unbiased. She couldn't hold herself together right now. She couldn't ask her niece the questions Rossi had been asking her for the past 24 hours.

Then Emily's voice broke through, permitting her to leave the confined space, to get some air. Ashley nodded in agreement before assuring her aunt that she would be fine. JJ hesitated only momentarily before kissing her niece on the cheek and excusing herself from the room. The relief she hoped for wasn't found outside the door as two stern men waited in front of her, Hotch and Morgan. While Derek's face was full of sympathy and concern, JJ only picked up on the disappointment playing across the Unit Chief's features.

"I'm sorry," she immediately apologized. "That was unprofessional, I know. But I…"

"I want you to go back to the hotel and get some rest," Aaron interrupted. "It's okay if all of this is getting to you. It's to be expected."

"Hotch, it's barely lunchtime yet. I don't need to go rest. I just needed to get out of there for a minute," JJ argued.

"This isn't up for discussion. Morgan will go with you."

"I don't need to go back to the hotel and I certainly don't need an escort. You need Derek here to solve this case. You need me here." She was fuming now. Normally she wouldn't defy a direct order, but she wasn't in the mood to be treated like a petulant child. However, the look on her bosses face told her he wasn't going to back down. He would have her carried out of the GPD kicking and screaming if that's what it took. "Fine, I'll go. But I don't need a God damn babysitter!" With that, she stormed out, not noticing that Hotch had motioned for Morgan to follow her.

JJ had almost made it to the unmarked SUV when she felt someone snatch the keys out of her hand. She turned around, ready to draw her weapon, when she came face-to-face with Derek Morgan. Rolling her eyes, she climbed into the passenger seat and slammed the door.

"He's only doing this because he's worried about you. He cares even if he has a strange way of showing it," he said as he started the vehicle.

"Please don't defend him right now because I'm really not in the mood to hear it. I just want to be mad for a little while. I need to be angry so I can get through this," she admitted.

"How are you really holding up, Jayje? I've seen you trying to put up those walls the way Emily does, to seem unaffected, but you're not her." Morgan's voice was low, calm and collected. He didn't want JJ to feel like she was being interrogated.

"Honestly, Derek," she began, "I may be more scared than I've ever been. Not just for myself, but for Ashley. I have to protect her. But along with that, I'm terrified of being taken again, of going through what I went through before. Last night, Emily told me that she wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened to me. So now all I can think about is staying safe so that's she'll be able to hold it together, so that she won't fall apart. We're running ourselves in circles trying to find this guy and getting nowhere. I don't feel like myself anymore and it's exhausting. Who do I take care of first, who do I fear for most- Ashley, Emily or me?"

" _We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear."_

_-Martin Luther King, Jr._

* * *

Emily came out of the interrogation room some time later with Ashley in tow. The young woman had continuously apologized for not being more helpful, for not knowing anything that could help solve the case. Other than a small Women's Studies course she'd taken the semester before with their unsub's third victim, Sherry Monroe, she didn't recognize any of the dead women or have any connection to the victims. And as far as she knew, no one disliked her enough to do this; surely no one hated her enough to want her dead. Emily could see that, could see the gentle kindness Ashley displayed, hidden slightly behind constant sarcasm and biting wit. Just looking at her effortless smile and listening to her child-like voice, the profiler had a hunch that this guy wasn't after JJ's niece; he was after Jennifer Jareau herself.

"I'm really sorry, Emily." Ashley apologized for the hundredth time as she and the agent walked down the hallway.

"It's not your fault," Emily reassured her. "You don't have to keep apologizing, honestly."

"I know, it's just… I hate not being to help Aunt Jay. I've never seen her like that and it scares me, ya know? She just has always seemed so composed and put together." The brunette nodded in understanding, knowing exactly how terrifying it was to see JJ fall apart. "Um… can I ask you something?"

"You kinda just did," Emily joked before noting the serious look on Ashley's face. "Sure, you can ask me anything."

"What happened to her?" Ashley questioned as Emily quizzically raised an eyebrow. "What happened to her while she was abducted and held there for four days? The day I… when I walked into the kitchen at the lake house and saw you two, I noticed the cut on her arm and the bruises on her legs. He really hurt her, didn't he?"

"It's not exactly my place to give you all the details, but I sometimes wonder if the JJ that was taken is the same one that came back to us," the older woman admitted, trying to hide the sorrow in her voice, as they walked into the room where the team had set up shop.

The two women put on brave smiles as Emily took the time to acquaint Ashley with Hotch, Rossi and Reid. It took only a few moments for their resident genius to begin spouting off statistics about the rarity of red hair, and Emily couldn't help but grin and simultaneously shake her head. The kid would never… She paused, mid-thought, as she realized two people were missing from the group.

"Where are JJ and Morgan?"

* * *

The sun peeked through the partially open curtains, casting a hazy glow on the woman that had unknowingly fallen asleep. Emily couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face as she gazed appreciatively at her passed out girlfriend. She was glad that JJ was taking time to sleep, seeing as how the night before had been anything but restful for either of them. Constant nightmares had riddled the blonde's slumber and Emily had spent her night stroking JJ's soft hair in the darkness, holding her close while she whispered soothing words in her ear.

Just the sight of the plush hotel bed was making the profiler feel drowsy. After being informed of JJ's less than graceful exit from the precinct, Emily had decided to go relieve Morgan of his so called 'babysitting duties' and perhaps get some shut eye herself.

Slipping out of her blazer and boots, Emily climbed into bed next to her sleeping lover, being careful not to jostle the mattress and startle her. However, it appeared her efforts were to no avail because as soon as she began to settle into the pillows, a pair of striking blue eyes snapped open.

"Hey," the brunette said softly as she rolled on her side to face JJ, reaching over to push a blonde strand off of her forehead.

JJ couldn't even muster a simple hello as her cerulean eyes filled with tears; she was powerless to stop them as they began to flow down her cheeks. She curled into Emily as the older woman wrapped her in her strong arms. The media liaison didn't like feeling this helpless, this out of control. She was emotionally spent, with her steady stream of tears draining the life from within, ripping out pieces of her self-control as they fell from her eyes. She no longer knew how to keep going, to keep fighting, but what was even worse was that she wasn't sure if she knew how to stop, how to give in, how to quit struggling against the undercurrent of emotions that crashed inside of her.

"Jen, baby please. Tell me how to help you," Emily begged. Just like Jennifer, she too felt powerless and out of control. She didn't know how to comfort the woman whose tears were seeping into her skin, how to bring peace to the person she loved most in this world.

JJ's only response to her girlfriend was more sobs. They shook her entire body as the sound of her cries began to fill the room, reverberating off the walls. Seeing her like this was the hardest thing Emily had ever witnessed- which was saying a lot given that she'd seen a lot of shitty things since joining the BAU. But this was by far the worst; soul-crushing and heart-wrenching. It made her want to weep, to join JJ in the chorus of tears, but she knew it was her turn to be the strong one. She had no choice and even if she did, she would choose protecting JJ every time.

Long after JJ's sobs had quieted, Emily was startled by the buzzing of her phone. Her eyes were groggy with sleep which seemed strange since she couldn't actually remember sleeping, but the darkening sky outside proved otherwise. She carefully extricated herself from JJ's arms as she fumbled for her phone on the bedside table.

"Prentiss," she answered.

* * *

Emily and JJ exited the elevator, letting go of each other's hands reluctantly, before making their way to the small restaurant inside the hotel where they were meeting the team. JJ caught a glimpse of Hotch as he gave her an approving smile and she nodded, both knowing that an apology from either of them wasn't wanted or needed.

The group settled into the chairs surrounding the table, a tired silence encompassing them all. The worry, the anxiety, the anger and the exhaustion was written clearly across their faces. The waiter seemed to notice as he walked hesitantly over to the group. After their drink orders were taken, they all seemed to fall effortlessly into their usual banter, including JJ. Hotch and Rossi watched in amusement as the younger members of their team picked on each other with Emily and Morgan ganging up on the young brainiac while JJ did her best to defend her socially awkward team member.

Halfway through their meal, the case talk started- as it always did. JJ tried her best to hide how uncomfortable she was, but as per usual, Emily noticed. The blonde blindly reached for her girlfriend's hand under the protection of the table, needing something to hold on to and keep her together. She felt the older woman's fingers entwine with her own as she let out an audible sigh of relief. Rossi turned his attention to her only briefly before focusing back on the conversation at hand, noticing- but pretending not to- how tense she was as the words of the team swirled around her. JJ was grateful for his silence, not wanting all eyes on her when she was feeling so broken.

"I don't think he'll go after anymore students," Reid stated.

"What do you mean?" Morgan asked.

"He's at a place where he thinks he can gain what he wants most. He's delivered his message and the object of his desire is here," he explained, not realizing how close he was to putting his foot in his mouth, yet again. "The only thing he needs now is JJ. I don't believe he'll kill anyone else. He'll just fight to get her, to get her to him. She's what he's after. We've all said that before. He thinks it's time."

Without saying a word, the blonde stood from the table and left the restaurant. The team stared in bewilderment, having suddenly realized just how much their media liaison was affected by all of this.

"Do you ever think about what you say before you open your mouth?" Emily growled at Spencer as she stormed off after her clearly upset girlfriend.

"What did I do?" Reid asked, hurt once again by Emily's distain.

" _Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it."_

_-Lucius Annaeus Seneca_


	17. Chapter 17

" _I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing."_

_-Lifehouse (Broken)_

Not looking behind her, JJ walked out of the restaurant, knowing that the team was probably unintentionally profiling her at this moment. She hadn't meant to let it get to her. They had known that the unsub was after her from the beginning; so why was she so bothered when the words came out of Spence's mouth? Hotch more than likely was reconsidering his decision to let her work on this case. Hell, he was probably regretting his choice in its entirety of letting the team take the case after what they had learned. One more screw up and no doubt, Erin Strauss would be stepping in. She'd already been calling the Unit Chief incessantly, wanting updates on the current situation while simultaneously realizing that the BAU team was hiding something from her. JJ couldn't ruin this for the whole group. She couldn't let her own feelings get in the way and cause them to lose this guy or for more women to wind up dead.

Sitting outside on the hotel steps, she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. There was only one person she could talk to right now that would make her feel better. It took a few moments before the man picked up the other line.

"Hey. Can I talk to Henry?" she said into the phone when there was silence on the other end. "Will, are you there?"

"Hey JJ," he answered. His voice sounded tired and unrelenting. The normal excitement at talking to the mother of his son wasn't there. She really wasn't the person he wanted to speak to right now.

It was abnormal for Will to not talk animatedly while on the phone with her. Sure, their relationship was strained due to everything that had occurred after Henry's birthday party, but when she'd called the night before to talk to her son, things between she and her ex had seemed more than fine. "Is everything okay? Is Henry okay?" She couldn't handle something being wrong with her little boy right now, not with everything that was going on.

"Why didn't you tell me, JJ?"

"Tell you what?"

"That this guy is after _you_!" Will yelled into the phone.

JJ's heart stopped. How did he know that? She hadn't told Will the circumstances of the investigation because she ultimately knew what his reaction would be. He'd overreact, start lecturing her about her responsibilities as a mother and try to convince her, for the thousandth time, to leave the BAU. She sighed exasperatedly, not knowing what she could say that would change the outcome of the argument that was about to transpire.

"So it is true," he paused, hurt resonating in his words. "I can't believe you didn't tell me, that you didn't trust me with something as serious as this. Come on, we have a kid together for crying out loud. All I have ever wanted to do is make sure you're safe, to help keep you safe and you won't allow me to do that."

"Will, I'm sorry," she started. "I just didn't want us to go through the same old song-and-dance routine. I knew what you would say and how you would respond. And no offense, but that's really not something I can deal with right now. There's just too much going on."

"Chère, for once, I just wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt. You can't keep things like this from me when we have a son together, when we have Henry. This affects him to, ya know? He has been crying all day."

"What… crying? Why has he been crying?"

"Because he knows that you're out working and he hasn't seen you in a few days. I can only assume that he is worried, as am I. He keeps asking me if you're going to get hurt," Will explained in a defeated tone.

If Jennifer thought she knew what having her heart crushed felt like before, it was an entirely different situation now. Her son, her baby, Henry… he was scared for her, upset that his mommy would come back bumped and bruised like the last time. As far as she knew, the little boy hadn't worried about her all of the other times when she told him about how she fought the bad guys. But had things changed now that he was getting a little older? She hated having such a perceptive child sometimes. Her son was growing up and she couldn't hide her job from him as easily as she'd done in the past. She'd tried once again this time, but someone had told Will and undoubtedly, her ex's fear had been portrayed enough that their son caught on. Stopping in her thoughts, she went back to the earlier question that had been bouncing around in her mind. "Who told you?" she asked him.

"What does it matter who told me? I know now and…"

"Will!"

He sighed, "Ashley. She called to talk to Henry like you do every night and she sounded distressed. When I asked her what was wrong, it was like she just exploded. She told me everything."

Ashley, seriously? JJ couldn't believe it. Her niece of all people knew how tense things had been with Will recently and how he was constantly asking her to leave her job, to stay home with her son. Even now that they were separated, he continually promised to support her financially, telling her that she would never have to worry about a thing. He could never understand that this, the FBI-the BAU, was just who she was. "Will, I've gotta go. I'll call again to talk to Henry before he goes to bed." Without waiting for his response, JJ hung up the phone and began walking down University Avenue.

She hadn't even realized where she was going until she stepped onto the porch of the small house. Not thinking about it, she gave two forceful knocks before the person she was looking for opened the door.

"Aunt Jay, what are you doing here?" Ashley asked, surprise evident in her voice. Immediately, she began to panic as she wondered if something had gone wrong. Had another woman been murdered?

Ignoring the nervousness displayed across her niece's face, JJ pushed her way inside before she began pacing the living room in circles. She was mumbling slightly to herself as she tried to bottle the rage that boiled inside of her. Whether or not her attempts were working, she couldn't be certain. She was just so angry… at everyone. She was angry at Morgan for the pitying looks he'd been shooting her way for the past few days. She was angry at Reid for not knowing when to keep his mouth shut. She was angry at Will for constantly worrying about her. She was angry at Emily for making her feel like she had to hold it together. But most of all she was angry at Ashley, really angry.

"What's wrong? What's the problem?" the redhead questioned.

"You're my problem!" JJ snapped while pointing her finger at her startled niece. "I can't believe you would do this to me; that you'd put me in this position with Will!"

"What are you talking about?" Ashley yelled back before realization dawned on her. She mentally kicked herself. She never should've said anything to him, but she'd been so freaked out by everything that was going on and she didn't know who else to talk to. Before he and JJ had separated, Ashley had been fairly close with him. He'd been part of the family for the past three to four years and within that time, they'd shared a lot with each other. Just like her, he'd lost a parent and even though the circumstances were different, they connected on that level. "I'm sorry that I needed someone to talk to," Ashley said sardonically. Her aunt was seriously blowing this out of proportion.

"Someone to talk to… you've got to be kidding! You could've come to me, Emily or hell, even Matt. But Will? For fuck's sake, Ash!"

"There's no way I was going to unload all my worries on you. You're stressing out enough for the both of us! I trust Will. He gets me," the redhead explained as she tried to reason with a fuming JJ.

"And I don't get you? I've been here you're entire life. And don't look at me like I'm falling apart. I get enough of that from everyone else. I don't need it from you too!" JJ's voice was still raised, a bitter tone cutting through her words.

"Ashley, is everything alright out here?" Matt asked as he came out of her room shirtless. He wore only a pair of basketball shorts and his auburn hair was an unruly mess.

That's when JJ realized that her niece was clad in only a thin robe. "Ugh, this is not something I need to know about. Nor is it something I want to know about," the blonde agent groaned as she stepped towards the door.

"Oh, come off it, JJ! Quit acting like I didn't catch you and Emily in a less than comfortable position for me last month. It's just sex. Grow up," Ashley said with disgust.

"You don't get to talk to me like that!" JJ yelled.

"Why not? You're not my mother. You're just my fucking aunt. Nothing more."

JJ tried to pretend that the words didn't sting as they hit her. She tried to act like they didn't affect her, but in reality, they only helped to piss her off even more and she couldn't control what she said next, "No, I'm not your mother. She's dead because she couldn't handle being saddled with a child, with you, at seventeen!" the media liaison screamed as she walked out and slammed the door.

* * *

Emily was beyond flipping out; she was literally teetering on the edge of insanity. After leaving the restaurant behind JJ what seemed like hours ago, but in reality had only been a little over 45 minutes, the brunette had lost her. She hadn't noticed JJ slip through the lobby and out the front door, as Emily had opted to instead go up to their shared hotel room where she'd thought her girlfriend would be. By the time she made her way back to the main floor, JJ was long gone. She'd called the younger woman's phone hundreds of times, only to be sent directly to voicemail. She and the rest of the team were obviously concerned, wondering if perhaps Reid had hit the nail right on the head when suggesting that the unsub would be coming after JJ. They were all thinking the same thing: that he'd taken her. The only problem was that they didn't know where. Garcia's trace on the media liaison's phone came back with nothing, but the tech whizz was determined and currently going through other means of getting a location on their blonde colleague. Apparently, the phone had been turned off which worried them even more since that was something JJ never did. Security cameras didn't cover passed the entrance of the hotel and the only thing the team saw was JJ turning and going right after walking off the steps.

"Alright, we need to start canvassing the area and head over to the precinct. If this guy has JJ, we don't know what he'll do or how long he'll keep her alive," Hotch said authoritatively as they all stood gathered in the lobby.

He didn't notice Emily's face grow pale or her hands begin to shake. Her world was literally crumbling around her, falling piece by piece into the abyss as she imagined life without JJ. She couldn't picture it because it simply didn't exist. She didn't exist. Blinking back the tears, she felt Derek's gentle hand on the small of her back in a comforting gesture. While it was appreciated, she simply shrugged it off, not wanting to feel vulnerable right now. They had to find JJ. She had to find JJ, to bring her back.

The team turned their attention to Morgan as his phone rang. "Whatcha got for me, baby girl? And careful, you're on speaker," he said as he picked up the phone.

"No time for romance right now, stud muffin," Garcia stated as her voice filled the lobby. "I've almost got a trace on JJ's phone using satellite signals and electromagnetic radiation, not that you actually need to know how, but I do like to…"

"Garcia," Hotch's booming voice held a warning tone as the computer analyst began to ramble.

"Right. Sorry sir. Just give me a few more seconds and I should be able to pinpoint our little ray of sunshine," she apologized.

As they listened to Garcia type away furiously on one of her many computers, Emily felt her breath catch in her throat when she looked through the spinning glass doors that led outside. "JJ," she whispered before breaking into a sprint.

"What?" Derek said, confused as he followed her line of sight. "Forget the trace, baby doll. We've got her. I'll call you back shortly with details." He quickly hung up the phone, watching Emily stop as JJ stepped into the lobby. A look of bewilderment was plastered across the younger woman's face as she noticed everyone staring at her.

"What's going on? Is there another victim?" JJ asked, a tiredness carrying in her voice.

"Where the hell have you been?" Emily practically yelled. "We've been so worried about you. We thought you'd been abducted or worse, that you were dead. You left without telling anyone where you were going and you turned off your cell phone. God, JJ!"

"I… I…" JJ stumbled over her words before she let out a sigh, suddenly grasping what an idiot she was for not answering her phone the first ten times it rang. "My phone went dead on my way back. I'm sorry."

"Back from where?" Reid asked innocently.

"I went to see Ashley," JJ answered defensively. "I don't need escorts everywhere I go."

"Get some rest everyone. Agent Jareau, we'll discuss this tomorrow," Hotch ordered as he walked away, not in the mood to deal with the fallout right now.

* * *

Emily slammed the hotel room door as soon as she and JJ had made it upstairs. She didn't know whether she should be upset, pissed off or simply relieved that her girlfriend was alive and safe. What had JJ been thinking, going off by herself in the middle of the night when there was a man out there wanting to kill her? She could be so frustrating sometimes.

Walking over to her go-bag, JJ began to nonchalantly pull out pajamas for herself. Everyone was completely overreacting. She'd been gone less than an hour and that suddenly made them believe that she was dead somewhere. "Just a bunch of overdramatic, overprotective… I'm a grown woman… don't go off by yourself, JJ… well, don't trip and accidentally die, Hotch… fucking…" She was mumbling to herself as she began to undress, pulling her shirt over her head and throwing it aimlessly on the floor next to the pile of clothes from the night before.

"What are you rambling about?" Emily asked angrily. "And could you not make such a mess? You always do this. You never pick up after yourself when we share a room."

The blonde stood, annoyed, in her bra and jeans as she raised an eyebrow at Emily. "Are you being serious right now? You don't seem to mind it when it's in my room or yours for that matter. As long as you've got me naked, you never seem to care," JJ responded, her voice filled with just as much attitude as her girlfriend's. "And how about you just tell me what you're really pissed about because I know you're dying to just lay into me. Everyone is since apparently I'm a giant walking disaster these days."

Shaking her head, the older woman decided that this really wasn't worth it. She didn't have the energy and she was so thankful to see JJ standing in front of her that she couldn't yell at her without feeling guilty. "Nevermind," she relented.

"No, please. Tell me what's on your mind, Emily. Tell me how fucking stressed out _you_ are. I'm begging you."

"I don't want to do this right now. I'm sorry I said anything."

"No!" JJ hollered as she stepped towards the slightly taller woman, still only half dressed. "You don't get to choose when we talk about this. You're mad, I get it. Well you know what… join the fucking club! I'm pissed too!"

"And what do you have to be mad about, Jayje?" Emily questioned, rolling her eyes somewhat as she felt the argument starting.

"What do I have to be mad about? You've got to be kidding me!" the blonde said incredulously. "Everything! Morgan, Reid, Hotch, Will, Ashley, you. How many reasons do I need?"

"So you're upset with us for caring about you. Way to be a selfish bitch," Emily retorted.

"Oh, fuck you!" the younger woman said as she shoved her girlfriend towards the door.

Emily tried not to show her surprise as her back thumped into the hard surface. She couldn't believe that JJ had just pushed her; like, really pushed her. "Don't fucking touch me," she drew out slowly.

"Or what?" JJ questioned as her breathing quickened. Reaching her hands out, she placed them on the outside of Emily's shoulders, her face mere inches from her girlfriend's. "You've never seemed to mind it before."

"I said, keep your hands off of me," the brunette said through gritted teeth as she gave JJ a light shove, creating space between them. The two of them stared at each other with glaring eyes and clenched jaws. Both of them were breathing hard, their chests heaving up and down with each intake of air. Fury raced through their veins as icy blue eyes connected with shadowy brown.

"I hate you," JJ whispered as she threw herself at her lover, their lips connecting in a crushing kiss as she pressed Emily back into the door. She needed to feel something besides anger. She needed to feel something besides fear. She needed to feel her girlfriend's exposed skin meshed with hers, sliding along her naked flesh.

"You don't get to control this," Emily seethed as she began to push JJ backwards, turning slightly so the blonde's back was flush with the wall beside them. Her hands roamed over JJ's perfect body as she wasted no time of unhooking the younger woman's bra and tossing it across the room. The blonde's moan echoed through Emily's mouth when her hands began to knead JJ's breasts, caressing every inch of her that was uncovered while JJ fumbled with the button on Emily's pants.

"Yes, I do," the media liaison grunted as she pushed Emily towards the bed. The older woman lay splayed out beneath her as JJ tugged Emily's shirt over her head before biting down on her pulse point, drawing blood as she'd done once before. The brunette's scream rang through the room as stars danced behind her eyes. Not to be outdone, she dug her short nails into her girlfriend's back, hoping that she left marks, wanting to leave proof that JJ belonged to her.

They nipped and clawed at each other while continuing to remove one another's clothes, throwing them haphazardly around the room. Emily suckled at JJ's neck before flipping their positions once again so that she was straddling the younger woman's waist. She ran her hand down the blonde's stomach before diving straight into her arousal, feeling JJ buck against her as her fingers curled upwards.

"Uh, Em," JJ groaned as her head lolled back into the bedspread. "Mmm…" This is the feeling she had yearned for; the feeling of being lost in eternal bliss as Emily pounded into her and brought her towards the brink of insanity. Dragging her fingernails along the profiler's sides, JJ felt the goosebumps that began to form on Emily's skin. Lifting her head slightly, her mouth collided with the brunette's as her tongue danced along her lips.

Gasping for air, Emily pulled her mouth away before lowering herself over JJ's pulsing nub. She took it in her mouth as her fingers continued to thrust rhythmically inside the breathtaking woman that writhed beneath her. If this is what JJ wanted, what JJ needed, then she would give it to her. She would give JJ the moon if she asked for it. It didn't matter that they were angry with each other or that the younger woman had literally scared Emily half to death. Perhaps, this feeling was something they both needed.

"Oh my God," JJ rasped as she felt herself getting closer before Emily quickened her pace. "Don't… don't stop."

Emily felt the younger woman getting close as JJ's walls clamped down around her fingers. She watched the shivers run through her girlfriend's body while inaudible words tumbled from her perfect lips. She loved those sounds. "Come for me, Jen," the profiler said seductively before pressing her tongue flat against JJ's swollen clit.

"Ah! Mmm… baby," JJ chanted, mini-shockwaves of pleasure rolling through her. "Right there… yes… mmm…"

"Do it, Jen," Emily commanded.

"Oh God. Em!" With one more shuddering breath, JJ fell apart at the seams, her voice resounding through the room as tears fell from her eyes. "I'm sorry," she cried as the bliss overwhelmed her senses. The orgasm had shaken JJ to her very core and minutes later, even with Emily's hair draped across her stomach as the brunette's fingers drew circles along her abdomen, she could still feel the tremors raking through her body.

"How are you feeling now?" Emily questioned before placing a light kiss on the underside of JJ's chin.

"I don't deserve you," the younger woman said quietly as she twirled a raven lock between her fingers. "I don't hate you."

"You do deserve me and I know you don't hate me," Emily answered encouragingly. "But please, promise me you'll never say that again."

"I'll always love you, Emily Prentiss… as long as I live."

" _It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get."_

_-Confucius_


	18. Chapter 18

" _I slide my arm from under the sleeper's head and it is numb, full of swarming pins, on the tip of each, waiting to be counted, the fallen angels sit."_

_-Wislawa Szymborska_

She traced the scar on Emily's abdomen before planting a soft kiss atop the clover that had been branded just above her breast. The brunette's breath fell out in a steady rhythm as she slept, curling deeper into JJ as their legs came together in a tangle of sheets. Both of them were exhausted, spent beyond belief, but the media liaison couldn't bring herself to fall asleep. The events of the day plagued her guilt ridden mind, her body washed over with shame. Except for Rossi, she was certain she owed everyone a direct apology. The older man was the only one who hadn't been on the receiving end of her wrath of crazy, but she had a feeling that she might as well go ahead and apologize to him too; seeing as how he'd had to bear witness to the destruction she'd left in her wake.

The irritation and anger she'd been holding on to for the better part of two days was finally starting to dissipate; seemingly fucked away by the raven-haired beauty that she currently had her arms wrapped around. She could still taste Emily on her tongue and feel the lingering traces of the older woman's stale sweat clinging to her skin- it was divine. Somehow they always knew what the other one wanted, able to have an entire conversation without saying a single word. Their eyes spoke volumes and their touches said the words that their mouths couldn't utter. Apart, Emily and JJ were amazing, but together… Emily and JJ were simply magical.

With a grumble, brown eyes opened slowly, taking a moment to adjust before staring into the face of the woman that had inevitably stolen her heart. "You're still awake?" Emily asked, her voice heavy with sleep, as she ran her fingers through honey colored tresses. She knew JJ wasn't going to answer as the younger woman latched on to her tighter, not willing to say what was overtaking her cloudy mind. "What time is it? How long have I been asleep?" Perhaps a simpler question would get JJ talking.

"It's a little after eleven. You haven't been out long, maybe thirty minutes," the blonde responded, appreciating that Emily hadn't pushed her into talking about the thoughts that had been keeping her awake. She knew that as of recently she had been building up these walls; similar to the ones that Emily had begun to take down from herself, revealing her heart and leaving it raw and unguarded. Knowing that her normally closed off girlfriend was more than willing to let her in made JJ feel like absolute shit. Just a month ago the blonde had practically begged Emily to open up to her… and now it was if they had inescapably switched places. All her life, Jennifer Jareau had been taught to share her feelings, especially after Alex's suicide, and she usually found herself able to do just that. Nevertheless, this time was different and she couldn't figure out why. She couldn't figure out what was holding her back. Why was it suddenly so hard for her to talk to Emily?

Nonchalantly, the brunette stretched out her arms while letting out a small yawn before flipping JJ onto her back so she could press her ear to the younger woman's chest. She smiled as she heard her lover's familiar heartbeat reverberating through her head. This was JJ's favorite position to lie in and Emily was finally beginning to understand why. It reminded her of their first weekend together at the Jareau cabin when JJ had told her to think with her heart. Maybe, just maybe, she was finally learning how. "I love you," Emily whispered into the quiet darkness. "If you need to talk… when you're ready to talk, I'm here to listen."

Jennifer fought back the tears as she pressed a kiss into midnight hair. "I know you are, Em. I know."

The buzzing of her phone pulled Emily from her groggy sleep. Twice in less than 24 hours, really? "Prentiss," she answered. She listened intently, her brow beginning to furrow, as Reid sputtered on the other end of the line. After hearing his intended message, she hung up without the pleasantries of a goodbye. "Jennifer, baby," she said as she roused her girlfriend from her first peaceful slumber in days, "We have to get up. C'mon."

"Em, what's going on? What time is it?" JJ rasped as the harsh morning sunlight filtered through the window, shining onto two naked lovers.

"It's Ashley… she's missing."

* * *

" _If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit."_

_-Kevin Nealon_

The blonde walked around their hotel room almost robotically as she began to get dressed, still trying to comprehend what Emily had said. Her mind was unable to process the fact that the words "Ashley" and "missing" had been uttered in the same sentence. She had just seen her niece what felt like only hours ago and then she realized the last thing she had said to her. "I blamed her," JJ mumbled to herself.

Emily noticed her girlfriend drop the shirt she had been about to put on onto the floor, leaving her standing there in a bra and jeans, disbelief written plainly across her face. Walking over to the catatonic woman, Emily picked up JJ's black button-up before helping her put it on. She stood in front of the younger woman as her fingers nimbly worked the fastens of the shirt. It was as if JJ couldn't even acknowledge that she was there as now dull blue eyes gazed absentmindedly across the room. "Baby?" Emily practically whispered, hoping to break JJ out of her trance-like state. The blonde was undoubtedly in shock.

It was nearly 45 minutes later when the pair arrived at the precinct and JJ barely seemed to have moved. Her sapphire orbs were dim as they took in their surroundings, catching sight every once in awhile before glazing over yet again to stare off into the distance.

"Jen, honey," Emily started as she led her girlfriend through the doors of the Gainesville Police Department, "You need to snap out of it. We need you here, present, for this case… for Ashley."

"I'm here. I'm fine," JJ replied, snapping out of it, while shaking her head to clear her thoughts. The younger woman was lying through her teeth, but she really didn't want to address the subject as she and Emily approached the rest of the team. She was trying her best to maintain her composure, to hold herself together, even though she was crumbling on the inside. Ashley, her own flesh and blood, was out there in the hands of a killer. She suppressed a shudder as thoughts of what he could be doing to her entered her guilt-ridden mind. Staying positive was difficult as pictures of dead, partially nude and beaten women were pinned up on the board behind the group of men. How could this have happened? How could her niece have been taken when she was constantly being watched and followed by two GPD cops? And that's when her sadness and distress boiled over into anger; that all-consuming anger that had been eating away at her was once again preparing to break free.

"How did this happen?" Emily asked, voicing the question that was on JJ's mind. "Ashley was under full protective detail. Is this guy so damn good that he managed to sneak past two trained officers and snatch her right out from under them? I mean, it's not like she would have went without a fight." The team could sense the fury in Emily's words as she struggled to understand what had happened.

"I think we should all just sit down and start going over what we have. We interviewed the two officers assigned to Ashley and they gave us all the information they could," Morgan explained, trying to keep everyone calm.

"I deserve answers," JJ stated, her tone eerily composed. "Did they tell us anything helpful? Did they tell us how they managed to not do their job?"

"JJ," Hotch started, "We don't have time to play the blame game right now. We just need to find her."

The younger woman was seething now, her temperature spiking and her heartbeat resounding in her ears. She wanted to yell at him, to tell him that she knew that they needed to find Ashley, but the logical part of her kept saying that her rage would get her nowhere. It hadn't gotten her anywhere in the past few days. But she sensed there was something that they weren't telling her and it only added to pissing her off. "What did they say?" she asked slowly, trying to keep the venom out of her words.

"They're being punished for their actions," Hotch answered vaguely.

Vague really wasn't what JJ needed right now. Knowing that she wasn't going to get what she needed from the Unit Chief, she stormed out of the room before heading over to the two men who had let her niece slip from between their fingers. They sat twiddling their thumbs and looking remorseful as they waited for their chief to speak with them. Neither could have been older than 26 years old and it infuriated the blonde to no end that she had trusted, that her team had trusted them with keeping Ashley safe. "What did you do?" she yelled as she approached them.

They both looked speechless as they stared up at the woman who had been so polite and kind to them just a day ago. She was completely transformed now; her perfectly coifed blonde hair now in a haggard ponytail, her gentle blue eyes now piercing and angry. "I… we…" the smaller man, Officer Daniels, stuttered.

"Well, spit it out!"

"We went to go get coffee," the other man, Officer Thompson, explained. "It was only a few minutes away and we didn't think anything would happen. Her boyfriend had just left and she gave us a quick wave after he pulled away before she went back inside. We didn't even know she was missing until this morning when her friend stopped by for a study group or something and she didn't come to the door."

"Coffee. You went to get fucking coffee. You have got to be kidding me!" JJ admonished, her voice rising throughout the police department. "That's your defense. That's the reason my niece is out there with a God damn serial killer! You're both fucking pathetic worthless excuses for police officers. If anything and I mean anything, happens to her, I swear to God you won't ever…"

"Agent Jareau!" Hotch hollered, putting a halt to the media liaison's tirade as he walked towards her. "Finish that sentence and you are off this case. Do you understand me?" He lowered his voice before looking her directly in the eye. "You're behavior in the past 24 hours is beyond unacceptable. I understand that this is hard for you, that this case has been hard for you, but I will no longer stand by and watch you tear apart this team in hopes of some kind of justification. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," JJ seethed before stomping off towards the bathrooms. She needed to get away from Hotch, from everyone. She was falling apart at the seams and she knew it. She no longer knew what to feel or how to keep a handle on her emotions. They continued to boil over at the worst possible moments and she couldn't stop them. She slammed her fist against the bathroom door, pushing it open. "I can't keep going like this," she cried to an otherwise empty room as she slid down the wall, collapsing onto the floor before tucking her head to her knees.

The body that sat down next to her a few minutes later wasn't who she had expected, but she also couldn't say that she was surprised to see him there. In many ways, he was the big brother she'd never had. They were all one big pseudo dysfunctional family and even though the two of them had never been particularly close, JJ was glad that he was the one who had come to comfort her. "Derek Morgan, always looking out for the damsel in distress," she joked as she wiped a few stray tears from her eyes.

"You know it, baby girl," Morgan smiled as he threw an arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. "You've got to quit doing this, Jayje. We all want to find this guy, and we all want to keep you and Ashley safe, but we can't do our job and hold you together at the same time."

JJ nodded in understanding, her shoulders heaving as a few hiccupping cries escaped. She knew he wasn't lecturing her or trying to make her feel guilty. He simply wanted what was best for the team, what was best for her, and what was best for Ashley. "I know," she said, her voice small in the echoing bathroom. "I just… I don't know how to take back everything I've said and done these past two days. Never in my life have I felt this ashamed, this broken or this out of control. I haven't had to go through this before. I haven't gone through what you, Hotch or Emily has. Or even Spence. You've all been in this position before, been the center of a case gone awry, and you all seemed to handle it so much better than I am. I don't think I'm strong enough."

"Listen JJ," Morgan started, sympathy portrayed in his tone, "each case is different. Each of our cases was different, but that doesn't mean it was easy for us. Hotch lost his wife and he almost lost his son. I had to relive one of the worst, but most defining experiences of my life. Reid had to overcome an addiction and Prentiss had to pretend she was dead in order to protect all of us. None of that was simple, but just because you didn't see us break down doesn't mean we didn't. You are one of the strongest people I know, and you have crazy good aim…" They both let out a small laugh at that statement. "So don't ever doubt yourself. If you need to take a few minutes every now and then to compose yourself, then do it. None of us are invincible and we don't expect you to be. I know that this hasn't been easy, far from it, but please don't let it break you."

" _Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again."_

_-Alex Tan_


	19. Chapter 19

" _Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves."_

_-Henry David Thoreau_

***9 hours earlier***

"I'll see you tomorrow for lunch," Ashley smiled, giving Matt a quick kiss as he got into his car.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay? I'm really sorry about how things went down with your aunt. I could stay the night if you wanted, that way I at least know you're safe," Matt offered shyly as he fiddled with the keys in his hand.

"Aunt Jay will calm down. She tends to have the temper of a redhead sometimes," the young woman joked. "As for staying the night, the girls are coming over in the morning for a study session before class and don't worry about me being safe, Tweedledum and Tweedledee out there," she gestured towards the police cruiser parked outside her house, "have it all covered. According to the FBI, they're highly trained and well equipped officers."

Matt chuckled at the redhead's eye roll before starting his car and driving off with an enthusiastic wave.

With one last glance over her shoulder and a pointed mock glare at Officer Daniels and Thompson, Ashley closed and locked the door before making her way through the small one bedroom house, shutting off the lights on the way to her room.

Grabbing her cell phone off of her nightstand, she sent a last minute goodnight text to Matt and was just about to text JJ, asking if they could talk tomorrow, when she felt a hand go over her mouth. Her instinct was to scream and fight, but it was only mere moments before her body went limp and the world faded to black as she was dragged away.

* * *

***Present***

Emily stood on the front porch of Ashley's house as she and Reid waited for CSU to finish up inside. Her mind was foggy and her dull headache had turned into a splitting migraine. She shivered as a chill swept through the November air causing her hair to stand on end. Everything about this case made her uneasy and she couldn't bear to imagine what would happen to her beloved JJ if they didn't find Ashley in time. The thought alone made her cringe.

"Emily, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for… for the things I've said and for everything that… that you're having to go through," Reid said quickly. "And I'm sorry that we've only been focusing on Jennifer and haven't been asking how you're doing. It's affecting you. I can see it."

Emily almost cried at Reid's touching words. She knew that the team was worried about JJ right now, as they should be, but it felt good to have her feelings acknowledged by someone that knew how big of a part she played in the younger woman's life. "I'm the one who should be apologizing to you," the brunette started. "Me snapping at you has been really unfair. It's just that you're the only one who has said aloud what we're all thinking and having it out in the open terrifies me." She paused to take a deep breath as she felt the familiar sting of tears behind her chocolate brown eyes. "And I can't expect everyone to try and comfort me when they don't know about mine and JJ's relationship. Plus, this is about her, not me. I just want the focus to be on protecting her, keeping her safe and bringing Ashley home."

Reid nodded in understanding as CSU gave them the 'go-ahead' to enter the house. "Statistically speaking, approximately 67 percent of students live off campus with majority of those students being Caucasian. Only 16 percent of white undergraduates live in dorms. This is somewhat of an anomaly since living on campus is considered to be more cost effective for young adults. With over 13 million students living off campus, they represent a $23 billion dollar market," the young genius spouted off. "Maybe JJ should explain to Ashley that she really is wasting her money, especially if she receives financial aid. Housing is often included in grants and scholarships that are used to pay tuition. Figuratively speaking, she would never miss it since the housing payments actually come out before the student receives their financial aid return."

"Do these figures have anything to do with her being taken?" Emily asked quizzically.

"No particularly," Reid answered. "I was just making small talk."

The brunette arched an eyebrow as she suppressed a laugh. "Small talk, huh? Anyone ever tell you that you have a weird way of doing that?"

"All the time, actually," he replied with a cheeky grin.

* * *

Upon exiting the bathroom, JJ walked over to Hotch in hopes of apologizing before she had the chance to dig herself a deeper grave. She knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was up You-Know-What Creek without a paddle. Morgan and Rossi stayed behind as the unit chief and media liaison went into one of the interrogations rooms to discuss matters privately.

"Is there something going on with her that I don't know about?" Rossi asked Morgan.

"She's become the center of this investigation and her niece is missing," Morgan replied. "I'd say there's a lot going on with her that _none of us_ know about."

"That's not what I'm referring to and you know it. I mean, between her and Emily," the older man clarified. Morgan was silent for just a split second after Rossi's statement and Dave had been a profiler long enough to know he'd hit the nail right on the head. "Don't even try to lie your way out of it. It's written all over your face. How long?"

Derek sighed, "Since JJ was released from the hospital I think." He paused. "Man, sometimes I really hate working with profilers."

"I'm sensing some self-loathing in that sentence," JJ joked as she and Hotch approached the two men. She took a deep breath before giving them both a timid grin. "I wanted to apologize to both of you," she began. "For my behavior and the things I've said. It was inappropriate, uncalled for and a hindrance to this case. I'm… look, basically I've been a complete and total pain in the ass. Hotch agreed to continue to allow me to work this case as long as you guys are okay with it. So what do you say? Am I forgiven?" She gave them both a hopeful smile as she batted her eyelashes, emphasizing her baby blues.

"Depends… what's in it for me?" Morgan laughed before Rossi gave him a quick elbow to the ribs. "Ow!"

"What he means to say is, of course we can forgive you, but…" Rossi paused, "…what's in it for _us_?"

JJ grinned and shook her head, knowing that her apology had been effortlessly accepted and her previous indiscretions forgiven. "How about drinks on me when we get back to Quantico?"

"Deal," Hotch spoke up, surprising everyone. "Now let's get back to work." His voice turned serious as he began to deliver orders. "Reid and Emily are with CSU at Ashley's house. Morgan, I want you and JJ to go to Matt Petteway's and see what information we can get from him. Maybe he saw something as he was leaving that didn't stand out at the time that perhaps means something now. I'll have Garcia doing a background check on him as well as Officers Daniels and Thompson. No matter what we profiled, we can't rule out anyone at this point."

"She's been missing a little over 10 hours. If he's escalating, time may not be on our side. We need to find this guy today," Rossi stated. "Aaron and I are going to stay here and continue to comb though what we have. Garcia sent us more information on people connected to both Ashley and you," he nodded towards JJ, "so we're narrowing things down. Hopefully, it'll help us catch this guy."

"Don't worry, Pennsylvania. We'll find her," Morgan assured the blonde as they strolled out of the precinct. "We're the best of the best."

"Thanks Derek," JJ said with a grim smile, a slight twinkle returning to her eyes at the thought of catching a break in the case. "That's what I needed to hear."

* * *

" _At some stages of your life you will deal with things and at others you are overwhelmed with misery and anxiety."_

_-Nigella Lawson_

Emily let out a small yawn as she and Reid returned to their home away from home. For all their hard work, Ashley's house had turned up empty. This guy was good, really good, at covering up his tracks. Organized. Patient. He'd waited for the right moment, waited until Ashley had been left unguarded. Did he know that the officers were going to leave?

"Hey Hotch," Emily said, capturing the attention of the BAU's Unit Chief as he sifted through files and pictures littering the table. "Was last night the first time that Officers Daniels and Thompson had left to go get coffee? Our unsub had to know Ashley was under protective detail and I highly doubt that he sat around just waiting for the right moment when they would be gone. That would be considerably time consuming and a car parked outside near her house for hours would be too conspicuous. He's not that careless."

Nodding his head in consideration, he waited while Dave went to fetch the two young officers. After some coercion, they both admitted to going on a coffee run around 10:30 the previous nights as well. More reprimanding was surely in store for them.

"Three nights didn't give him much time to establish that kind of pattern," Reid stated. "It's risky for him to assume that they would leave for approximately 30 minutes last night. Is that enough time for him to sneak undetected into Ashley's house, take her and get her to his vehicle without being seen? Dragging a presumably unconscious body down University Avenue isn't something that would go unnoticed. We would then have to assume that he was parked within close enough proximity to her house to get her into his car without drawing attention to himself." The young genius paused momentarily as he contemplated a thought. "Have we considered the possibility that he may be a neighbor or that he lives close enough to her that he could keep an eye on her without the risk of being caught? It would explain why he knew Daniels and Thompson's routine."

"I'll have Garcia look into it. If nothing else, maybe a neighbor saw something," Hotch said. "There's an apartment complex near Ashley's house. Any chance they have security footage of the parking lot or surrounding areas?" He knew it was a long shot, but maybe they could get lucky this once.

Emily shook her head apologetically. "Wasn't something they felt the need to invest in. It's a young town, generally speaking, with cheap rent. It would just be an extra expense that no one wants to pay for. Oh, and Reid already spoke with Garcia about checking in on the neighbors. She's running background checks as we speak."

"How did that go over with Garcia?" Rossi asked smugly.

"Not well," Emily answered as she attempted not to laugh. "She yelled at him a little bit."

"You call that a little bit?" Reid exclaimed. "She practically bit my head off!"

"Well, she's obviously swamped," the brunette woman defended. "It takes a lot of work being the Oracle of Quantico."

* * *

"Snazzy digs for a college kid," Morgan stated as he and JJ pulled up outside of Matt's two story house.

"He's apparently a graduate student so I don't know if that still counts as a 'college kid.' Just transferred to UF recently, getting his Ph.D. in something boring," JJ remarked, seemingly disinterested. "Ash said his parents are loaded and wanted their baby boy to be living comfortably when he starts classes in the fall."

"He's not enrolled right now?" Morgan asked as they stepped out of the SUV and began to walk towards the house.

"Transferred mid-semester or something and decided to take some time off. Ashley explained it all too me when she was droning on about him, but I honestly didn't care to listen."

"Well, he's obviously getting a warm welcome from Jennifer Jareau," Derek said sarcastically. "Why don't you like him?"

"I never said that I didn't," JJ responded before getting a pointed look from Morgan. "Fucking profilers. He just… I don't know. He just rubs me the wrong way. I mean, he's 24 and lives like this," she pointed towards the house. "He basically tries to buy Ashley's love, giving her extravagant gifts and taking her out to expensive dinners. He throws his parents' money around like he wants everyone to know he's rich."

"Kinda like Emily."

"Yes… what? No! Em doesn't do that," JJ huffed.

"The woman drives a brand new Lexus and lives in a high-rise condo overlooking the Washington Monument. You have to go through more security guards to get into that place than the FBI headquarters. Not to mention, I saw that tennis bracelet you started wearing a few weeks ago. From the looks of it, those diamonds are real and a certain quirky analyst spilled the beans on who bought it for you," he pointed out.

"She doesn't try to buy my love and she doesn't flash her parents' money around. She's earned everything that she has," she said defensively, squirming slightly under Morgan's stare. "Just ring the damn doorbell."

Pressing the small button, Morgan heard the chime ring through the house as they waited for Matt to answer the door. "Jayje, I didn't mean to offend you, or Emily. I love Emily. I was just saying that maybe you should give this guy a chance since Ashley seems to really like him. My point being, if he treats her the same way Emily has been treating you, then he can't be all that bad."

JJ sighed, "I hate when you say things that make sense." She paused before mumbling, "Asshole."

"I love you too, little mama," Morgan said as he winked at the media liaison. He checked his watch before ringing the doorbell again. "Where is this guy?"

* * *

"Hello my crime-fighting love children." Garcia's perky voice rang through the room as Emily put her on speaker.

"Your chocolate God isn't here, PG. What do you have for us?" Emily said with a smile.

"Can you at least pretend to be him? Just call me baby girl and we'll be…"

"Garcia," Hotch warned.

"Right. So I think I may have something for you. It's miniscule in terms of catching this guy, but I do think I've narrowed it down to what kind of car he drives. When Emily told me there wasn't a security camera at the complex near Ashley's house, I decided that maybe it would be a good idea to at least check the surrounding area. I went over some footage from the nearby store cameras on University Avenue and something stood out. It took me awhile to notice it, but that's beside the point. So around 10 p.m. the past two evenings, a dark, presumably black, four door sedan drives by. I zoomed in for a close up and it appears to be a Toyota Camry. Nothing flashy, as my wonderful masterminds profiled, but it is fairly new, at least a 2010."

"You're sure this is our guy?" Rossi questioned.

"That I am, my strapping fellow. I wasn't positive at first, seeing as how on night one, I couldn't catch a glimpse of our guy going towards Ashley's. It was probably earlier in the day with heavier traffic, but he drives back down University a little after 11 o'clock that evening. The following night, he goes by at 10:07 then returns in the other direction at 10:58. It fits the time frame of our Officer Dodos. Then last night, a dark Toyota Camry drives by at 10:13 and then goes back by at 11:04, this time with a sleeping, or knocked out, passenger. I couldn't get a clear picture because of the distance but I feel we can safely assume it's the one and only Ashley Jareau," Penelope finished.

"Great work, Garcia," Hotch praised.

"I'm currently running the car against neighbors and anyone linked to Ashley or our lovely ray of sunshine. We may catch this bastard yet."

"Did you come up with anything on Matthew Petteway?"

"Not yet, sir. I was so busy running through the footage that I kind of put that on the back burner. Should I make it a priority?"

"Do what you think is best and keep us informed," Hotch requested.

"Will do, sir. Over and out, my fuzzy friends."

The unit chief shook his head. "When we get back, remind me to have her drug tested."

* * *

Her eyes tried to adjust to the darkness that surrounded her as she began to come around. She could hear the faint echo of boots pounding against the concrete somewhere nearby, causing an echo to reverberate through her throbbing skull. A familiar scent wafted under her nose as her senses began to heighten, kicking into overdrive. Hay. Oil. Stale cigarettes. Hagin? The barn? For a moment she thought she'd only fallen asleep, once again trapped in her nightmares, but her aching body knew better. This wasn't a dream; for a second time, this was all too real.

Now that she was here, things began to add up; the little details that hadn't made sense before all pointed to JJ: her name carved into their chests, their matching blonde hair, them having to endure _four_ days of torture before slowly bleeding to death from cuts down their forearms, cuts that unsurprisingly matched the one she had received. Somehow, the team had managed to overlook it all before. Perhaps because none of them, her included, were comfortable talking about her abduction; none of them able to admit that they'd been right there when she'd been taken.

***flashback***

_They'd peeled in, guns hot, as they exited their unmarked SUVs before kicking down doors and storming into the house. After spending almost three weeks on the case, searching and digging before pure dumb luck had led them to the unsub, Mitchell Hagin. An endless stream of dead women had continued to land practically on their doorstep as they searched for the man who'd beaten, raped, tortured and killed innocent women, innocent mothers to be exact. Talk about a severe case of 'mommy issues,' Hagin more than fit the bill._

_He didn't look like the kind of guy they would normally peg as an organized killer, but it had been said before that you couldn't judge a book by its cover. With his scraggly gray hair, unkempt beard and oil stained overalls, Hagin appeared to be your typical backwoods redneck; which is perhaps why they'd disregarded him after the initial interviews. He played the part well and the team hadn't guessed that behind his rough mechanic exterior there lay a man with intelligence far superior to what they'd imagined. They were guilty of stereotyping and they knew it. Thus, they'd screwed up; made what some would consider 'a rookie mistake.'_

_After fanning out inside Hagin's massive two-story home, "clear" was shouted from every room except one. JJ had bounded down the basement stairs, assuming Hotch was only steps behind her, before being knocked out with a surprise hit from Hagin. By the time the unit chief had rounded the corner, he was too late. The media liaison's guns lie on the floor next to a door that led deeper underground._

_Whether Jennifer had been Hagin's intentional target or not, he had her now. Effortlessly carrying her down the dank tunnel that led to his getaway vehicle just a few hundred yards away. By the time the team had broken the lock that had been secured on the other side and made it down there, Hagin and JJ were on their way to an even larger piece of property; land that had once been owned by Mitchell's abusive mother._

***end flashback***

It had been only a few minutes since she'd awoken before the footsteps grew closer. JJ knew whose face she expected to see as dim lights flashed on above her, revealing the shackles that wrapped around her wrists, anchoring her to the wall. He didn't look intimidating by any means as he approached her, but of course, JJ had learned the hard way not to judge a book by its cover.

_"Beware, so long as you live, of judging men by their outward appearance."_

_-Jean de La Fontaine_


	20. Chapter 20

" _After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs."_

_-Emily Dickinson_

"Another group eliminated," Rossi huffed as he pushed a stack of potential suspects to the side. He, Hotch, Reid and Emily had been weeding through the lists Garcia had sent over for the past 30 minutes, and it seemed as if they had gotten nowhere. While it was comforting to see the pile of names shrinking, they all still managed to feel lost and useless. It was a daunting task, but somebody had to do it; unfortunately, that 'somebody' just happened to be them.

"Any word from JJ and Morgan?" Spencer asked as he continued to go over the geographic profile. Something about it wasn't sitting right with him and he hoped that with a few tweaks, he'd be able to substantially narrow down the search area.

"JJ sent a text about 10 minutes ago saying that they'd just arrived at Matthew Petteway's house. She said that they'd give us a call when they're on their way back to the station," Emily informed the group. None of them questioned why the media liaison had chosen to contact Emily instead of the unit chief, but perhaps that was because they all knew; even Hotch knew on some level. He just wasn't allowing himself to acknowledge it. JJ had said before that Hotch only saw what he wanted to. Nonetheless, there was no missing what was going on between the two BAU women. You only looked at someone the way Emily looked at JJ when you were in love, head over heels in love. And that look was written, for everyone to see, all over Emily's face. Those subtle touches that they'd always shared had become much more tender and lingering in the past month; and no one could deny that JJ's bright sky blue eyes sparkled even more when Emily was around.

The brunette ran a hand through her disheveled hair before quickly pulling it up into a neat ponytail. She wanted more than anything for this case to be over; to go home with JJ and make love to her endlessly, to hear her name flow effortlessly from the younger woman's lips as she reached that moment of euphoria. And then, when the tender lovemaking was over, Emily wanted nothing more than for Jennifer Jareau to fuck her senseless, to make her forget where they'd been, what they'd seen, to even forget her own name before she was left rasping on the bed, begging and pleading with JJ to touch her again. She wanted for the two of them to spend days in that bed, secluded from the world as their limbs tangled together underneath the sheets; lost in a world where their lips never stopped touching, a world where they continually caressed one another's bodies, a world where no one existed except Emily and JJ.

But a part of her continuously worried that that wouldn't happen. Things with her lover had felt strained ever since the BAU team had arrived in Florida. Emily could sense the younger woman closing herself off from everyone. She could see the walls forming right in front of her eyes almost every time she looked at JJ. _"What did you expect, Em?"_ she thought. _"JJ learned from the best."_ But something about the walls that JJ was busy building differed from her own. The compartmentalizing Agent Prentiss always seemed calm and composed behind her ever-present fortress, while this 'compartmentalizing' Agent Jareau was a raging thunderstorm; drowning in a flood of tears one moment before becoming a hurricane of anger the next. She'd turned into someone that Emily didn't know how to get through to and that scared the shit out of her. She'd told Ashley that a different JJ had come back to them, but the media liaison continued to evolve into someone more closed off every day and Emily was powerless to stop it. Watching JJ retreat inside herself was devastating and it would only be a matter of time before the old Jennifer became completely consumed.

Emily was snapped out of her own little world by the ringing of Hotch's phone. As the unit chief put it on speaker, Garcia's bubbly voice ricocheted through the conference room that the team was holed up in. The brunette only noticed bits and pieces of the conversation as she tried to get her mind off of JJ, a task that always seemed impossible. It wasn't until she heard the technical analyst mention Matt Petteway that she really began to pay attention.

"Are you sure Garcia?" Hotch asked hurriedly as he motioned for everyone to gear up.

"I was only slightly positive at first, sir. But once I zoomed in from a different camera angle and was able to get a partial plate, I would bet Emily's closet full of shoes that the driver of that car was Matthew Petteway."

Hotch hung up without another word as the group of profilers made their way towards the exit. Emily was already halfway out the door, her hand resting on her gun holster, with the guys a few steps behind her. There was no way she was going to let this happen to JJ again.

* * *

Still standing outside of Matt's house, Morgan and JJ heard a crash echo from somewhere inside. They took a quick glance towards each other before drawing their weapons.

"FBI! We're coming in!" Morgan warned before his foot connected with the door, just below the handle, causing it to bust open. JJ was merely steps behind him as they began to clear the rooms. It was a well-practiced dance; one agent just behind the other, guarding your partner while also being willing to put your life in someone else's hands.

"Morgan, in here!" JJ called from the kitchen after rounding the corner and finding Matt lying on the floor, cradling his bloody head in his hands. "Matt, it's JJ. Are you okay? What happened?"

A groan escaped Matt's lips as he struggled to push himself up off of the hardwood floor. JJ took in her surroundings; a few broken appliances and a smear of blood across the counter where it appeared Matt had hit his head. It wasn't until Morgan entered the room that JJ allowed herself to lower her weapon.

"He… out the… Ashley," Matt stumbled through his words before taking a few calming breaths. "He has Ash. He shoved me then left through… through there." He lifted a shaky finger as he pointed out the back door just beyond the kitchen. "He was looking for you. He knew you… he said he expected you to be here."

"I'll check out back," Morgan said before receiving a nod from JJ.

"Be careful Derek," JJ pleaded, anxiety coursing through her fierce blue eyes. "We've seen what he's capable of."

The profiler nodded in understanding before taking the few steps out the door, leaving JJ to tend to Matt's wounds. The cut was miniscule, but the blonde knew that the young man would still be suffering from a massive headache tomorrow. Possibly even recovering from a concussion.

"What did he look like? What did he say to you? Does he have Ashley? He was looking for me?" JJ questioned as she pulled out her phone to call for backup.

Matt reached his hand up to stop her, his eyes narrowing as he stared intently at the media liaison. "You." His voice was accusing as he grasped the counter and pulled himself up off the floor. With one swift motion, he kicked JJ's gun from her hand before jumping on top of her and pinning her to the ground, his hand covering her mouth. "Scream and I swear you'll never see Ashley alive again. Now that isn't what we want, is it JJ?"

Tears glimmered in JJ's eyes as she realized she had no options at the moment. She'd let her guard down; let herself become comfortable with this man because her niece was. She'd trusted him because Ashley did. She wanted nothing more than to open her mouth, to scream, to yell, to call for help, but she couldn't risk it. Her love for Ashley outweighed the fear that pounded within her chest. She could go through this again if it meant saving the young girl whom she loved more than words could explain. She had too.

"I didn't see…" Morgan halted momentarily as he barreled back through the door from the yard. His instincts didn't kick in fast enough as a bullet from JJ's gun punctured the skin of his right shoulder, only to be followed moments later by another hunk of metal that went through his leg.

JJ tried to scream as she watched Matt fire rounds at one of her teammates, but her efforts were to no avail. She felt the effects of the chloroform before she'd even known that it was there. Her sapphire eyes fluttered as she struggled to stay awake; her head lolling side to side as she fought against the drug that made its way through her system. However, it was only moments before it overwhelmed her senses, her body shutting down against her will as the poison traveled through her, causing her to drift into unconsciousness.

* * *

" _It's like, if we can't keep each other safe, then why are we even doing any of this…"_

_-Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds)_

She tried to ignore the sting of the first punch as his fist connected with her abdomen. The restraints that held her hands above her head stopped her from crumbling to her knees, halted her efforts to hunch over in order to belittle the force behind his blows. His hands connected with every part of her body, leaving her exposed skin bruised and bloody. She could taste the blood that had flowed into her mouth after she'd bitten her lip to hold back the grunts of pain.

She could hear Ashley screaming and crying in the distance as she watched, tied to a chair behind him. He'd laughed when explaining that he wanted her to see this, all of this. He wanted JJ's niece to witness exactly what he was going to do to her. Except for her undergarments, JJ's clothes lay in a heap on the floor of the barn, ripped off of her as she'd fought and struggled to get free. She could feel the palms of his hands ghosting over her sweat slicked skin. The very thought of him having his hands on her caused her to cringe, bile building in her throat as he dug his fingers into her hips.

Ashley continued to wrestle with the ropes that kept her bound as she watched Matt touch every inch of her aunt's flesh. She couldn't control the endless flow of tears that continued to stream from her red-rimmed green eyes. This was all her fault; she'd brought this terrible man into JJ's life and now they would both have to suffer for it. "Please, stop!" she screamed as Matt delivered another hit to her aunt's black and blue rib cage. She winced when a crack emanated through the large room, followed by JJ's muffled yells.

To both women's surprise, Matt froze mid-swing, deciding to give the blonde a break from the beating before turning his attention to Ashley.

"Don't you dare fucking touch her!" the media liaison yelled as Matt sauntered over to the woman that had been calling herself his girlfriend just a day ago.

The redhead stiffened as he walked towards her, a mischievous gleam in his brown orbs. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face away from him as his breath tickled her ear. "I've already had my fun with you, Ash. And you'll live the rest of your life knowing that I got you off," he whispered. "Now, you'll happily be able to sit here and watch me do the same for her."

He could feel the blood seeping from his wounds as his mind grew fuzzy. His cell phone was in his hand as he pressed the numbers, hoping that he was coherent enough to explain what was going on. He couldn't even be sure whose number he had just dialed: 911? The GPD? Hotch? Emily?

"Why hello there, my chocolate stud-muffin! I've been worried about you and my ray of sunshine. I tried calling you. Matt is…"

Ah, Garcia. Of course.

"Baby Girl, I need you to… slow down for a minute," Morgan said breathily as he tried to pull himself into an upright position. "I've been shot. JJ's gone."

"Oh my God, Derek! Why did you call me? Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay, calm down Pen. You can do this. Stay calm. Call Hotch. Call for backup. Breathe," Penelope rattled off as she typed away furiously on her computer. Derek was well aware that she was talking to herself and he couldn't help but to smile. "I will scold you later for calling me and not someone else, but I have medics on their way. And I'm pretty sure the team will be there shortly. Just stay awake, okay handsome?"

"Anything for you, Penelope." He paused to let out a small cough. "I'm feeling okay, surprisingly. I'm pretty sure they were both through and through."

"You don't have to pretend to be all strong and macho, D. I've been shot. I know how badly that shit hurts… pardon my French."

"FBI!" Hotch's voice rang through the house as Morgan laughed again at Garcia's antics.

"Gotta go, baby girl. My rescue squad is here," he smiled into the phone.

"I love you, Derek. Have Emily call me with an update."

"Hotch! In here!" Derek yelled as loudly as he could, ending the phone call and pushing himself to stand up before his knees buckled again. Garcia was right; that shit did hurt.

The Unit Chief came barreling through the door with the rest of the team fanned out behind him as they finished searching the rest of the house. Sirens echoed in the distance, a sign that the medics weren't far behind. "Send them in here once they arrive," Hotch yelled behind him. "We have an agent down."

Emily ran in after hearing Hotch's words, needing to check that JJ was okay. Her eyes scanned the room for signs of the younger woman, but she wasn't there. She hadn't been injured and she was nowhere to be found which only meant one thing. "Where is she?" Emily asked hastily as she stomped towards Derek, who was leaning his weight against the counter, resisting Hotch's efforts to make him sit down.

"I'm so sorry, Emily. He made us believe that he'd been attacked. JJ stayed here with him as I went out back to search the rest of the property. I didn't even have time to think before he shot me," Morgan explained.

"I trusted you!" the brunette yelled as she got in his face. "You were supposed to protect her! And where is she, huh? You just let him fucking take her!"

"Emily, please…"

"No, shut up!" Emily screamed, interrupting Derek's attempt to apologize again. "This is your fault! I swear to God, if anything happens to her, I will never forgive you. Do you understand? Never!"

"Prentiss!" Hotch shouted, trying to put an end to his agent's tirade.

"He should have been there," she exclaimed to her boss before turning her attention back to a woozy Derek. "You should have been there. You shouldn't have left her. Do you not remember what happened to Reid? Team members don't split up! Have you learned nothing? She could die because of you!"

"Excuse me, ma'am," a medic said from behind her. Emily was fuming as she stood there, face to face with the man who was responsible for her girlfriend being abducted for the second time. Her chest heaved up and down as she took a step to the side, allowing the men to begin tending to her wounded teammate.

"I will never forgive you… ever," she reiterated before sending on final piercing glare at Derek and walking out of the room. She heard Reid calling her name, but chose to ignore him as she stepped onto Matt's front porch, breathing in the fresh air, trying to fight back the tears.

"Emily?" Reid murmured as he put a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"I promised her," the brunette sighed.

"Promised her what?"

"That I would always be there for her. Always. And I broke that promise." The tears continued to well in Emily's eyes after her admittance to Reid. In all honesty, she didn't blame Morgan. She couldn't blame Morgan. He'd done the best he could. And he wasn't the one who'd promised to keep JJ safe; she was.

* * *

JJ's whole body ached as she finally allowed herself to let out a slow groan. If she thought things with Hagin had been bad, this was ten times worse. She felt like her arms were going to come out of their sockets as her wrists were clamped to the wall above her. She was too far from the floor to sit, but too tired to stand so she basically just hung there, allowing her hands to support the weight of her entire body. Every breath she took caused her to whimper as her broken ribs continued to throb. The chill in the air was unmistakable and it bit into her bruised flesh like ice. She could feel where Matt's fingers had grazed over her skin, knowing it was only a matter of time until he too would do what Hagin had done. The only question remaining was, 'why?' Why was he doing this? And how did he know about Hagin? About what he'd done to her? About the barn?

"Aunt J?" Ashley's whisper trailed across the large room. Her niece sounded broken, scared, tired. It was everything that JJ felt, but she tried to straighten herself up, fighting against the pain as she settled on her feet and her blue eyes met Ashley's fierce green ones from across the darkened expanse. "Are you… I'm so sorry," the young woman cried as tears flowed from her eyes.

"Oh, Ash," JJ started before taking a sharp intake of breath as she realized how painful it was just to talk. The air she inhaled caused her gasp as her entire body shook with agony. But she had to ignore what she was feeling. She had to comfort her niece, to keep her hopes up, to keep her safe and make sure that even if she didn't, Ashley would survive. "Don't apologize. I'm not here because of you. You're here because of me."

"But Matt…"

"No, honey. This is…" She paused to cough and tried to hide a wince. "This all started with me and that's how it will end."

" _When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."_

_-C.S. Lewis_


	21. Chapter 21

" _Acting in anger and hatred throughout my life, I frequently precipitated what I fear most, the loss of friendships and the need to rely upon the very people I'd abused."_

_-Luke Ford_

She knew that she should be at the hospital with Morgan, with the rest of the team, but she couldn't be there right now. She couldn't just sit and wait for something to happen like they were. JJ could be dead by then. She knew they'd reached an impasse. They didn't have anything else on Matthew Petteway, despite all of their digging and all of Garcia's hard work. So Hotch, Rossi and Reid had accompanied Derek to the hospital in hopes of getting more information while also ensuring that the team's resident badass was going to be okay.

He's tough. He can take it. At least, that's what Emily kept telling herself as she put any thoughts of Derek in the back of her mind and instead continued to thumb through all the files, pictures and massive amounts of information. Her brain was on overdrive. Overloaded and crammed full of anything that had to do with this case, anything that could help them find JJ. She had to bring her girlfriend back. She had to because without Jennifer Jareau, Emily Prentiss didn't exist anymore. It was selfish of her really; to be that dependent on a woman who, as of recently, had become so broken. But that broken beautiful blonde was Emily's life and soul. There was no longer such a thing as a life without JJ.

The brunette could feel her eyes beginning to droop as she ran her finger down the page, scanning every word in hopes that they'd missed something. They hadn't. Matthew Petteway, for all senses of the word, was a normal guy with a normal life. Which is why it didn't make sense. If it wasn't for his relationship with Ashley, he had no connection to the media liaison. He'd begun dating Ashley in order to get closer to JJ. But why? Emily wanted to yell that at the top of her lungs. She wanted to pull her hair out, to kick and scream, to throw a Henry-esque tantrum. She was supposed to be the strong one, the protector. She was supposed to keep JJ safe, but she'd failed. She'd broken her promise and blamed it on Morgan.

Emily fought against the sleep that was trying to battle its way forward as she stared brokenhearted at the pictures of all the dead women; the women that looked like her girlfriend and even had her name carved into their chests. "Fuck," she muttered as she ran a tired hand through her tangled hair. She leaned her head against the table, squinting her brown eyes shut in an effort to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

And just like that, she was back in JJ's house, staring into the sapphire eyes of the woman she loved.

***Flashback***

_Jennifer Jareau sat at the dining room table, flipping through some files she'd brought home from the office as she took another bite of cheesecake. A moan escaped her when the dessert touched her lips, caressing her throat as she swallowed it down. God, she loved cheesecake._

_She could hear Emily fumbling around in the kitchen, the refrigerator door slamming shut as the brunette uttered a few choice curse words._

_"Babe?" the blonde said. "Everything okay?" She smiled as a disgruntled Emily Prentiss rounded the corner, furrowing her brow as she took in the sight of her blonde girlfriend chomping down on her last piece of cheesecake._

_"Jen, you didn't!" Emily screeched._

_"What?" JJ asked, slightly baffled, before taking another bite._

_"That… that's mine!"_

_"It was in my house, in my fridge, being kept cool by the electricity bill that I pay. Therefore, I beg to differ."_

_"Give it to me," the profiler demanded._

_"I can't. It means too much to me. I love it too much," the younger woman smiled as she picked up the plate and began to take cautious steps backwards into the living room._

_"You love it more than me?"_

_JJ simply giggled in response as she drug the fork between her teeth, groaning once again at the taste._

_Now Emily knew she was just being teased. The slightly taller woman lunged at her girlfriend, eliciting a shriek from JJ as the blonde ran for the stairs, plate still in hand. "Oh, no you don't!" the brunette yelled, only a few steps behind JJ. She grabbed at the younger woman's ankle causing them both to stumble and collapse on the stairs._

_"You can't have it!" JJ laughed as she lay flattened on her stomach, hands outstretched, with Emily's body pressed into her back. "Never! Never! Never!" Letting the plate of dessert drop onto the nearest stair, the media liaison turned herself over so that she was staring into the chocolate eyes of the woman that had captured her heart._

_"I don't want it anymore," Emily whispered as she leaned down, pressing her lips to JJ's and letting her tongue slide into the younger woman's mouth. "I just want you. Forever and for always."_

_"That's good," JJ responded, her fingers trailing a path down Emily's spine, "because you've got me, forever and for always."_

***End flashback***

"Emily? Emily…" a soft voice urged her awake, a hand lightly shaking her shoulder. The brunette grumbled before lifting her head and slowly opening her eyes. It took her a moment to adjust, realizing she must've fallen asleep, as she came face to face with David Rossi.

"Sorry, I…" she began.

"We're all heading back to the hotel to rest up for a few hours. Hotch wanted me to stop by and pick you up. You need sleep, real sleep, with something better than a pile of papers for a pillow," Rossi interrupted.

The brunette struggled to hold back the tears as she stared into the kind eyes of the man that had become like a second father to her. She could see the empathy there, the way his heart ached along with hers, the way he silently acknowledged her struggle. He knew that she didn't have it in her to be weak. And he knew that she didn't have the energy to break down, but the problem was she also didn't have the energy to hold herself together.

"I just don't know what to do," Emily admitted before allowing Dave to help her from the chair, draping an arm over her slender shoulders as he led her towards the door.

* * *

Ashley squinted her eyes shut as she turned her head to the side, hoping to block out what she had seen, of what was taking place in front of her. Her yelling pleas had been useless as Matt continued to kick and pummel her broken aunt. No matter how long she lived, the redhead knew that she would never forget this. No matter how many happy moments took place in her life, she would never be able to bottle up these horrible memories. The images. The smells. The sounds.

JJ's screams continued to pierce the air; the blonde had long ago stopped trying to hold them back. It took too much effort to swallow the pain so she instead gave in to her ailing body, accepting the agony with each crushing blow to her ribs, each kick to her abdomen, each slap to her face. She could taste the blood pooling in her mouth as Matt's fist came in contact with her jaw. The ringing in her head grew louder, her blue eyes hazing over as she fought to stay awake, as she struggled against the torture she'd endured. She tried to block out what was happening to her, choosing instead to picture Emily, Henry, the team, her family… anything to get the face of Matthew Petteway out of her mind.

"Why?" she rasped as Matthew finally ceased, his breath ragged from the effort he'd exerted while beating her.

He smiled sadistically before placing a hand under JJ's chin, forcing her to look into his crazed eyes. "Because I have to finish what he couldn't."

* * *

She stumbled into the hotel room in a drunken haze. Rossi had tried forcing her to go to bed when they'd arrived, but Emily opted for the bar, choosing to drink away the pain of not having JJ there. She knew that going upstairs, to the sixth floor, to her and JJ's shared room would only break her further. And she'd been right. Seeing the empty bed with her girlfriend's clothes strewn across it haphazardly was gut-wrenching. She felt sick. Legitimately sick.

One last glance at JJ's open suitcase had her barreling for the bathroom as the contents of her stomach were quickly emptied into the toilet. If she thought that the scotch had burned going down, having it come back up was twice as bad. Her eyes watered as she continued to dry heave. She hadn't eaten in what felt like days, but she knew it had only just been yesterday. There was nothing left inside of her to come up. And that was true in all senses of the word- empty. The profiler was completely bare, devoid of happiness and any emotion that wasn't wrapped in sadness or anger. Everything hurt; every thought, every memory, every breath, every tear.

"Please," she whimpered as she leaned against the cabinets, cradling her head in her hands. She wasn't sure who her pleas were meant for. God, maybe. Would he even listen to her? She didn't feel connected to her faith anymore, not since her abortion at 15. But who else could help her right now? Who else would listen to her cries and bring her salvation?

So Emily Prentiss did something she hadn't done in a long time. She prayed.

* * *

_"Friendship needs no words- it is solitude delivered from the anguish of loneliness."_

_-Dag Hammarskjold  
_

A soft knock on the door brought him out of his drug induced sleep. Derek turned his head just in time to see a worn out Agent Prentiss walk through the door of his hospital room. She looked as tired and broken as he'd ever seen her. Her normally perfectly coiffed hair hung in a tangled mess around her face. Her clothes appeared wrinkled and her eye makeup was smudged. This Emily lacked the grace and confidence that the team was used to seeing. There was an emptiness in her eyes and it broke his heart to have to look at her this way. It was evident that she was falling apart, that she was scared, that she was angry. It was unnerving seeing Emily wearing her emotions so openly; not having to dig past her walls in an attempt to figure out what she was keeping in those compartments. No, she wasn't able to compartmentalize this. She couldn't bottle up her feelings for JJ. They were too overpowering.

"Princess?" he whispered as she sat down in the chair next to his hospital bed, her face bathed in darkness now, the dim lighting no longer illuminating her features. She was silent as she stared down at her fidgeting hands. She was picking at her nails again, a nervous habit that she'd never been able to break. "Say something," Morgan urged.

A lump rose in Emily's throat as she racked her brain for any words that she could say that wouldn't cause her to burst into tears, any words that didn't make her think of JJ. The blonde was so eloquent when she spoke, something that Emily had always admired. As the media liaison for the BAU, everything she ever uttered was deliberate, put together and held meaning. Emily didn't have those traits. She had so much she needed to say, but without her well-scripted girlfriend by her side, it was as if she'd lost the ability to speak. "I can't," she mumbled, her voice breaking almost immediately.

Morgan simply nodded in understanding, remaining silent in hope that the brunette in front of him would be able to pull herself together. Or at least talk about what was going on in that beautiful head of hers.

It was a couple of agonizing minutes before Emily's voice finally pierced the silence. "I can't do anything without her," she admitted. "I feel like… like I don't exist without her. I don't have a purpose. Everything just seems meaningless and it's scary. Unexplainably terrifying."

"C'mere," he said as he carefully scooted over in the bed, patting the space beside him. Normally, he would've just let her sit there as she processed everything. Emily had never been much of a touchy person, but she needed this. She needed human contact and to his surprise, she obliged his request, tucking herself into his side as he rested his uninjured arm over her shoulder. He could feel her tears soaking through the ridiculous hospital gown he'd been forced into as she buried her face in his shoulder. This was the vulnerable side of Emily that no one ever saw; no one except JJ.

* * *

They all looked like hell the next day. No one could deny it. Rossi had circles under his eyes, indicating a lack of sleep. Reid had on two different colored sucks, proving just how out of it he'd been when getting dressed that morning. Hotch's stubble was evident on his chin, showing just how many days it had been since he'd picked up a razor. And Emily's eyes were glazed over and bloodshot, giving away the fact that she'd spent the night crying in Derek Morgan's arms. None of them felt like they were on their A-game. They continued to pore over evidence, the same evidence they'd been picking through since they'd arrived. It was excruciating. All they needed was one good break. One solid lead. One ounce of an idea as to where they could find Matthew Petteway. And when the phone rang, with Penelope Garcia's voice on the other side, it looked like they'd finally get it.

"I found something," Garcia stated matter-of-factly. She had a no-nonsense tone that they all recognized. She was just as worried as the rest of them, if not more. "I was up half the night digging through this creep's life and then I rushed in bright and early this morning. And just when I'd lost all hope, I came across something very important. Matthew Petteway was adopted. The records were closed, of course, and it took a few bargaining chips as well as numerous threats to finally get some information. But you won't believe what I found."

"Please, just get to the point, Garcia," Emily said impatiently.

The quirky analyst swallowed the sting she felt from Emily's words, knowing that her best friend's lover was just on edge, before she continued. "Matt had been in and out of different fosters homes for 3 years before being adopted by Josh and Anna Petteway when he was 6 years old."

"Why was he in foster care?" Reid questioned.

"He was being abused as a child. Daycare workers kept noticing bruises and scrapes, but his mother kept claiming that he was just an average kid, bumping into things, falling over, yada yada. His mother was addicted to some kind of pills so his teachers doubted that anything she said was legitimate, but they had no proof. Until one morning he came in complaining that his arm and head hurt. He was taken to the hospital where they did x-rays, the whole nine yards. The kid had a broken wrist and a concussion. Apparently, his father had been beating the daylights out of him and his mother so Child Protective Services swooped in and took him away."

"And…?" Emily's impatience was growing. She wanted Garcia to tell them something worthwhile. Something they could use.

"Patience is a virtue, my sweet. So anyway, I continued to do some digging and threatened a few more people's credit scores before I was able to find out who his birth parents were. His mother's name was Tara. She died of an overdose a few years after he was put into the system. And his father is Mitchell… Mitchell Hagin. After finding this out, I decided to go on a hunch and I discovered that Matthew popped in for a visit with his biological father in prison about a month ago, right after the guy was incarcerated. The last time he saw him was two days before the murders in Gainesville began."

"Oh my God," Emily mumbled. "He's Mitchell Hagin's son."

_"I assess the power of will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage."_

_-Friedrich Nietzsche_


	22. Chapter 22

" _Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies."_

_-Mother Teresa  
_

JJ had always had faith in her team. They'd never let her down before. They'd always come through; catching the bad guy, rescuing the victim, supporting a friend and saving the day. But she had to admit that this time she wasn't so sure. This time, as her naked body lay breathless on the ground, she wasn't sure if she believed they would get here in time. They'd already saved her life once. Was it fair of her to expect them to do it again?

Her swollen blue eyes parted only slightly as she opened them to stare across the room. Everything was hazy, but she could see Ashley's outline, still tied to the chair, and she could hear her niece's sobs. The redhead had begged Matthew not to touch JJ, screamed at him to leave her alone as he ripped off the remainder of the blonde's clothes and ran his filthy hands along her bare skin.

With the media liaison's wrists still chained to the wall, she had been helpless, unable to fight as he entered her; his grunts and groans filling the room as he sunk his teeth into her neck. Her back thumped rhythmically against the wood as Matthew set a steady pace, attempting to get himself off as she dangled there, not saying a word. It was in that moment that JJ had finally given up. The situation was hopeless and fighting against him did her no avail; instead, it only caused him to threaten Ashley's life if the blonde didn't comply with his every demand. So she remained quiet.

Even now, after he'd unclasped her arms and let her lay exhausted on the floor, she didn't make a sound. She tried not to think about what had just happened to her. She tried not thinking about the fact that she was once again another statistic. It scared her to admit that she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle it this time. Flashbacks of Hagin had been difficult enough to compartmentalize and sweep under the rug, but everything with Matthew seemed that much worse. Every punch hurt twice as badly. Every kick shattered her one hundred times over. Every cut stung like a thousand needles. Every groan from him as he'd touched her seemed to rupture her eardrums as every thrust stole away a part of her soul. No longer did she feel like Jennifer Jareau and if she returned to life outside of these walls, she didn't know where or how to begin putting that woman back together.

She could smell the sweat that caked to his nude torso while he slid down the wall, sitting next to her and lighting up a cigarette as she lie on the floor. Bile rose in her throat as his calloused fingers tucked a strand of matted hair behind her ear. She didn't even have the strength to tell him not to touch her as she swallowed deeply; hoping to suppress the urge to regurgitate whatever was in her stomach.

"You know, the old man told me I couldn't do it," Matt started. "After I went searching and found out my piece of shit sperm-donor of a father was in prison for murder, I knew I had to go see him. Ya know?" He took a long drag of his cigarette as he stared down at JJ. Her cheek pressed into the cold ground as tears rolled down her face. Her now dull sapphire orbs stared off into the distance, focusing on the sobbing 22-year-old that was tied up across the dimly lit room. "When I walked into that prison, with my head held high, I half expected him to be proud of me. Even though he broke my arm and put me in a coma to prove I was a worthless child, I thought that perhaps he'd look at me and see that I still managed to grow up into a man, someone that any regular dad would be proud of. Your parents are proud of you. Right, JJ?" He looked down at her shaking form expectantly, waiting for an answer. "Well?" The blonde still didn't say a word. "Answer me!" he yelled before pressing the end of his cigarette to the soft skin of her back.

JJ winced, tears still streaming down her face as she muttered out a meek 'yes' and grew silent once again.

"They should be. You're a smart breathtakingly beautiful woman with a lot of potential. You know, dear ol' dad said he never saw potential in me. Even after everything I've done to substantiate myself in this world he still doesn't respect me. But once I learned about you, how you escaped the infamous Mitchell Hagin and how badly it pissed him off, I knew… I knew right then how I'd prove myself to him. He couldn't kill you, but I promise you JJ, I can and I will." Matthew laughed sadistically as he pushed himself up off the ground with a grunt and began to disappear into the darkness. "Oh and JJ," his voice echoed around her as he spoke. "Rest up, baby doll. I'm not done with you yet."

It was then that the media liaison couldn't control it any longer. Lifting herself up ever so slightly, she couldn't fight back the feeling anymore as she emptied her stomach, leaving her heaving breathlessly as she collapsed next to the pile of vomit back onto the hard ground. He was coming back. He was going to touch her again. He was going to rape her again. He was going to beat her again. And then he was going to kill her.

"Aunt Jay?" Ashley's small voice reached JJ's ears as she once again peered across the darkness. "Aunt Jay, what are we going to do? What can I do? Please tell me. I'm so sorry, Aunt Jay. God, I'm sorry."

The blonde didn't have the energy to placate her niece right now so instead she continued to lay there, her entire body covered in filth while she cried silently. She hoped beyond anything that Ashley couldn't tell how exhausted she felt, how out of control she seemed or how broken she truly was. Even if she couldn't make it out of this alive, she had to make sure the redhead did. Ashley had to survive.

* * *

Emily's hands shook as she sat in the passenger seat of the unmarked SUV. Rossi was driving well past the speed limit, close to 100 miles per hour, on a deserted road; lights flashing, sirens quiet, as they sped towards the house where they would hopefully find Ashley and JJ. They had to be there because if they weren't… God, Emily didn't even want to think about the possibilities of not finding them; of not finding the woman that could calm her nerves with just a whisper, the woman that could soften her anger with just a look, the woman that that held Emily's heart in the palm of her hand. The brunette had finally found love and she couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose a love that strong this soon, or ever for that matter. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with JJ. She wanted to help the blonde raise Henry, to be a part of the Jareau family where she'd been welcomed with open arms. She'd never wanted anything more.

Rossi pretended not to notice how anxious the other profiler was, instead choosing to only focus on the road in front of him with Hotch in Reid following in the other SUV just a few yards behind them. They were all equally torn up about everything that had happened, but he didn't know if or how Emily would survive losing JJ. He'd noticed the subtle changes in the brunette's demeanor within the past month. How she'd begun to tolerate Reid's incessant ramblings with a little more finesse, how she'd just rolled her eyes at Morgan's teasing instead of getting defensive, how she'd stopped picking little fights with Hotch when he asked her to stay at the different precincts when he and one of the men would head out to a crime scene, how she'd softened slightly around the edges and started opening up to Rossi little by little, how her and Garcia seemed to have these private thoughts that would cause them both to burst into laughter at the most inopportune moments. But nothing was as noticeable as how she practically melted when Jennifer Jareau was in the room. When JJ spoke, it was if the motherly voice of the blonde was all Emily heard, shutting out everyone to focus on the ethereal woman that graced the world with her presence. Her love for JJ was undeniable and Rossi wondered if Emily realized just how transparent their attraction for one another had become.

He wanted to say something comforting, to break the silence and perhaps tame the brunette's wild thoughts, but he wasn't sure what to say. There was nothing he could say that would help pull Emily through this. He knew that she wouldn't truly be okay until JJ was out of harm's way, wrapped safely in Emily's arms.

"Do you think they're really there?" the brunette woman questioned, her voice raspy from the attempt to bottle up her emotions as she stared out the window at the barren landscape they were driving through. It was a long stretch of highway, one they learned had once been blooming with life, the swamp of this small town, before laws had been passed that required bison and wild horses to be removed from the prairie. Emily bet that it had once been beautiful. Now, the townspeople were lucky if they crossed the path of an alligator in their hikes through the area.

"The only thing we can do is hold out hope. Faith is one of the most important aspects of life," Dave answered.

"I lost my faith a long time ago, Rossi."

The silence descended upon them again as the older man drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. It wasn't much further now, just up the road outside of an even smaller town known as McIntosh. The team never would've thought to check out here, this far, to venture outside of Gainesville in search of Matthew Petteway. But, once again, Garcia had saved the day with her technical magic; finding a home that Matt's parents had rented almost every summer until the young man had entered high school. They knew that no one was staying in it now, not in the winter months, which even in Florida could be dastardly cold at times. It was far enough away from everything that he could slink in unnoticed; traveling down the dusty dirt road towards the place where one too many women would take their lasts breaths.

Less than ten minutes later, the team pulled up outside an immaculately kept log cabin that sat on five acres of land. It was small, two−maybe three bedrooms, with a screened in porch and a stone walkway. Massive trees were everywhere, making seeing past the cabin difficult at best, especially with the darkening hour. The team knew that backup and an ambulance weren't far behind. They needed to be prepared for whatever they'd find here.

As she exited the vehicle, shutting the door as quietly as possible, Emily spotted a barn further out back, hidden by pine trees and underbrush. She knew. Immediately she knew that they'd find JJ there.

"Let's go," she urged as the team stood outside the SUVs, strapping on their Kevlar and checking their weapons.

"We need to wait for backup," Hotch ordered as he tightened the gun that was strapped to his ankle.

"We don't need to wait!" Emily demanded in a loud whisper. "JJ is in there," she gestured to the barn situated out back, "I know she is."

"There's time," Rossi said simply, trying to keep the brunette agent calm.

Before the words had even left the older man's mouth, a scream emanated through the air, echoing through the woods as it reached Emily's ears.

"Like hell there is," she stated matter-of-factly before breaking into a run, gun drawn, as she stormed into the darkness.

* * *

" _A 'scream' is always just that- a noise and not music."_

_-Carl Jung  
_

She tried to fight back the sounds that escaped her as Matt drug the blade along her forearms, which were once again cuffed to the wall above her. Blood trickled slowly from the shallow cut he'd left on her right arm before he moved to the left, running his calloused hand along the length of the scar. "This may sting a bit, JJ," he said sadistically as he dug the knife into already sensitive skin, causing the blonde to scream out in pain as he pressed it further into her flesh.

JJ immediately grew lightheaded as her blood, her life, began to drain freely from her body. She knew that this laceration was deeper than the other and she lazily allowed her head to flop to the side in order to examine the damage he had just caused. She had to choke back a sob, as well as swallow the lump growing in her throat, as her dazed eyes saw her skin flayed open along her forearm.

"I was hoping you'd scream," Matt stated, sounding amused, as he wiped the blood from the blade on his shirt. "Hearing the other women scream was," he paused and closed his eyes, basking in pleasure as the memories of the torture he'd inflicted on his victims entered his mind, "it was heavenly. But their pleas weren't nearly as satisfying as yours. Did you cry out for my father like that?" He laughed to himself, as if enjoying a joke that only he was privy to. "He's rather old, and ugly, so I doubt it."

The media liaison wished she had the strength to speak, to say the words that rolled around in her head in order to remove the smirk from his face. But as she opened her mouth only slightly, she couldn't muster the force needed to utter a single syllable.

"Something you wanna say, JJ?" he asked smugly. The blonde mumbled something, her voice so silent that she could barely hear it herself. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"You… don't…" JJ struggled to speak before she began to cough, realizing in terror that she could taste her own blood coming up her throat.

"Go ahead, JJ. Tell me," Matthew urged. "Say it, baby."

"You don't… get to…" She paused to cough again, ignoring the blood that spewed onto her lips. "…call me that. Don't call me JJ." As the words finally left her, she broke into a coughing fit, her head lolling forward to simply hang there as she attempted to catch her breath.

"The first time I met you, you told me I could. Now what kind of woman would you be if you decided to go back on that?" he taunted, bringing his face eye-level with hers, allowing his breath to dance across her parted lips as she lifted her head to look at him. "Would you prefer that I call you Jennifer, as your dear Emily does?"

Unable to control the rage that had begun to build inside her, JJ let out a ferocious growl before using what little strength she had to slam her forehead into his face, enjoying the sound of the audible crack that emanated from the breaking of his nose. She knew that the price she'd pay for her outburst could be deadly, but she no longer cared. If he was going to kill her, she'd go down with what little fight she had left in her. That determination had saved her life the first time. Maybe, once again, it would be all it took to get her out of this alive; she and Ashley.

"You fucking bitch!" he yelled and JJ barely had time to brace herself before his fist connected with her abdomen… repeatedly. She knew, without a doubt, that almost every punch broke a rib. She could hear the crunching reverberate through her body, as well as feel the physical pain of his actions. She strained to control her breathing as agony coursed through her veins. She battled to muffle her yelps as he continued to beat her. The edges of her world began to darken and she knew it would only be a matter of time before the pain caused her to black-out completely.

"Matthew Petteway!" a voice hollered out moments after the crash of a door breaking in could be heard. "Touch her one more time and I will have no problem sending a bullet straight through your head!"

"Emily," JJ whimpered as the woman rushed across the room, gun aimed on Matt whose fists were paused in midair.

"Agent Prentiss, how wonderful of you to join us," Matt said, unfazed by the dark woman's presence.

"You have two options: you can leave this building willingly and in handcuffs, or you can leave in a body bag. It's your choice," the brunette profiler threatened.

"Emily!" someone yelled from outside, the sound of their boots crunching through the leaves only a soft noise in the distance. She turned ever so slightly which was all the time Matt needed to put a knife to JJ's throat.

"Don't!" Emily yelled.

"If anyone else passes through that door, she's dead." Emily's eyes widened at this statement and she knew that this sadistic son-of-a-bitch wasn't putting up a front. "Hurry, dear Emily. You have 15 seconds to get to that door, stop them and return to me." She looked at him warily before he began counting. "1 Mississippi… 2 Mississippi… 3 Mississippi... 4 Mississippi"

JJ's blue eyes stared intently at her lover, a pleading look on her face to end all of this pain as Matt pressed the tip of the blade just underneath her jaw. She could feel it break her skin and she let out a small gasp. "Stop, please," the blonde cried.

"5 Mississippi… 6 Mississippi…"

"Emily, fucking do something!" Ashley screamed from her position, still tied to the chair, the ropes chaffing her skin from days of struggling to break free.

The brunette was torn. If she left to warn the team, it would only take a matter of moments for Matt to slide the blade across her girlfriend's throat, letting the life drain forever out of those beautiful sapphire eyes. If she didn't, he would surely kill JJ as soon as Hotch, Reid or Rossi made it through that door. Precious seconds ticked by as she tried to make a decision. The life of the woman she loved was on the line.

"9 Mississippi… I hope you can make it there and back in less than 6 seconds, Agent Prentiss… 10 Mississippi…"

Her contemplating had taken the choice from her and she only had one option left, to send a bullet straight through Matthew Petteway's fucking forehead. She trained her gun, leveling it with his skull. "Drop the knife or I will kill you." Matt simply smiled at the woman's warning as he continued counting. Her finger pressed tighter on the trigger as the number 13 left his lips. And before he could utter another syllable, the sound of a gun firing resonated through the air.

" _Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it."_

_-W. Somerset Maugham_


	23. Chapter 23

" _You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you dies each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintry light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person had died for no reason."_

_-Ernest Hemingway_

Time seemed to stand still as the crack of Emily's gun echoed through the room. Everything was in slow motion as the brunette's finger remained pulled tightly against the trigger. For a terrifying moment, she even worried what would happen if she missed her intended target. Uneasiness swept through her, memories of her and JJ flashing through her mind. Just an inch or two off and the bullet wouldn't hit Matt; it could kill the woman she loved. Emily's eyes closed for only a second as she drew in a deep breath, not letting herself see the results of the shot she fired. It was only when she heard a body collapse onto the floor that she allowed herself to open her eyes, instantly spotting the blood splattered wall and Matt's lifeless corpse splayed across the ground. Taking in the scene before her, the profiler was shell-shocked, to say the least. Matt was dead and JJ was alive. A small amount of relief ran through her before she turned her gaze back to her girlfriend; her girlfriend that still hung limply by her wrists, her naked form held up for everyone to see.

"Ashley, they're coming baby!" she yelled to the redhead behind her, knowing that in less than just a few seconds the rest of the team would burst into the barn.

Her feet shuffled towards JJ. She knew she was running, and she reached the blonde in just a few strides, but the distance seemed never ending as her heart pounded in her chest, the beat reverberating through her ears.

"Em," JJ rasped in a daze as soon as the older woman's hands found her wrists. Tears flowed freely from those baby blue orbs, her body shivering and trembling with an unmatched intensity. She tried not to flinch as Emily struggled with the chains that bound her to the wall. "Help… Ash…"

"I'm right here, honey. Ashley's okay. You're okay," Emily promised as she released JJ's arms.

"It hurts," the blonde whimpered. "Every—everything hurts."

It killed Emily to hear JJ admit that as she held the shaking woman in her arms, lowering them both to the floor, trying to be as delicate as possible with the media liaison. She quickly removed her Kevlar vest and took off her t-shirt, ripping it in half to help cover JJ's exposed skin. It wasn't until she'd slipped her vest back over her bra and laid the blonde's head in her lap that she began to take in her appearance. JJ's lips were turning purple. Her skin was pale and bruised, rough. She tried not to wince in horror as she stared down at the younger woman's arms; the slice in the left one that was so deep she could almost see the bones. There was just so much blood.

"Jennifer," said Emily softly, as she tore a strip of fabric from her shirt, "this is going to hurt a little."

JJ couldn't respond. She didn't know what Emily was talking about. What was going to hurt? Every movement caused pain so she wasn't sure how whatever the profiler was about to do would be any different. But then, a searing pain shot up her arm as Emily pressed down on the gash, trying to stop the flow of blood. JJ tried to stifle the cries that tore through her, she really did. However, it was futile; the scream that she emanated was both loud and heart-wrenching.

Emily bit at her bottom lip and fought back the tears as JJ's lifeblood coated the palms of her hands. Where was the rest of the team? How long had she been in here?

"Tell Henry," JJ began.

"No, no, no. Don't do this, Jen. Don't start saying your goodbyes now. Do you understand? You're going to be fine. We found you. You're going to be fine." Emily repeated the last sentence more for her own sake than JJ's. The blonde was growing weaker by the second and her injuries were substantial. She couldn't be sure that everything would be okay. The only thing she had left was hope.

"Can't… breathe. Tired."

"Stay with me, baby."

Emily almost didn't hear the team behind her as they began to set Ashley free. She barely noticed Rossi rush over to check Matt's pulse or Hotch hand her a blanket to cover JJ as they waited for the medics to arrive.

"Stay with me," the brunette sobbed, tears flowing freely down her face as she stared into JJ's once sparkling sapphire eyes. "You can't leave me. I just found you. We just found each other."

"I'll try… I love…" the younger woman mumbled hazily.

It was just too much. The pain was too much. And she was so tired. The world was blurring at the edges, nothing focusing completely. She tried to hold onto the image of Emily's face as she stared up at her, but everything kept fading in and out. She was scared, afraid that she wouldn't survive this time. Although, a part of her hoped that she wouldn't if it meant ending the agony. Every breath seemed to tear from her lungs like a rabid animal, ripping at her throat as it escaped before slashing its way back in as she inhaled.

She could feel them pulling Emily away from her more than she could see it. Hands grasped at her from every direction as pain continued to sear through her body, igniting every inch of her and setting it on fire as it licked at her battered flesh. "Tell Henry," she said again before she allowed herself to slip into the darkness, to be consumed by the flames and turn to ash.

When Emily saw JJ's eyes close completely, she lost it. She shrieked and wailed as the medics quickly worked to strap her girlfriend to the stretcher and haul her out of the barn. She reached for the blonde, struggling to be near her, to whisper in her ear, to beg her not to leave. But her strength was no match for the two men that had latched onto her; Rossi held a tight grip on her waist from behind as Hotch settled his hands on her shoulders. He was saying something, she knew it, but she couldn't comprehend the words that flowed from his lips. She just continued to scream, to fight, and to attempt to get to JJ. "Please!" she cried. "Let me see her! I have to help her!"

They kept talking to Emily, shouting at her as they tried to get her attention. However, it was no use. She heard a medic mutter something to Hotch about sedation, but again, she didn't know what was going on anymore.

The look on the Unit Chief's face as he closed his eyes and nodded his head slowly could only be described as shattered, perhaps just utterly devastated. His team was falling apart in front of him; Morgan in the hospital, JJ on the verge of death and Emily about to be sedated. Some leader he was proving to be.

Emily appeared surprised when Hotch's hands left her shoulders, but it only made her fight harder, making her think she had more of a chance of getting to JJ. She needed to see her and to be with her. She had to make sure she lived. She'd promised.

It wasn't until another team of medics surrounded her that it all began to add up: sedation, Hotch letting her go, the syringe in the young EMT's hand.

"No!" she shouted. "Don't do this! Hotch!" The anger was evident in Emily's voice; the betrayal she felt from this man. She turned her head slightly to try and catch a glimpse of Rossi who was still holding onto her tightly. "Please, Rossi! Please don't let them do this!"

"I'm sorry, kid," was all he murmured as the needle punctured Emily's skin.

" _Is it possible to succeed without any act of betrayal?"_

_-Jean Renoir_

* * *

She didn't know where she was anymore. She barely knew who she was anymore. _Jennifer._  That was the only thing she knew. It was the only name, the only word that made sense. Everything else was just meaningless noise.

The sedative hadn't knocked her out completely, instead just making her drowsy as she rode along in the back of the ambulance with Ashley. She could feel herself drifting in and out, fighting against the medication that was meant to calm her down, as her chocolate brown eyes fluttered open and closed. Part of her knew she should feel ashamed due to her actions, but at this moment she sincerely didn't give a shit. Nothing mattered. No one except  _Jennifer_  mattered.

"Emily?" she heard a voice rasp from beside her.

As the brunette slowly turned her head, the entire world seemed to tilt on its axis. They'd tried to get her to lie down, but even with the drugs racing through her veins, she was still cognizant enough to know that she needed to stay awake. She needed to be with JJ.

"Emily," Ashley repeated again, trying to gain the profiler's undivided attention. She blinked her green eyes rapidly, fighting off the exhaustion that had settled in her bones. "She's going to be okay. My Aunt Jay is a real fighter." The 22-year-old hoped that her words would be comforting to the woman that her aunt loved. It was hard enough seeing JJ go through everything she had and then having to watch Emily go ballistic as they carried the blonde out; it was all too much.

The older woman simply nodded her head, her eyes closing as she leaned back against the wall of the ambulance, letting her weight rest there as she prayed to simply slip away. Her mind couldn't fit together words at the moment. She couldn't piece together what to say that would let Ashley know she'd heard her. Did she even know how to speak anymore?

* * *

Morgan had fought to be released; wanting to be out by the time the team arrived. They kept saying he wasn't ready, but he signed the AMA anyway and sat in the waiting room by himself.

Hotch, Rossi and Reid had finally entered the room and Morgan didn't try to hide the confusion on his face at not seeing Emily there as well. "Where's Prentiss?" he asked.

The Unit Chief just sighed and shook his head as he sat down before Rossi spoke up. "She had to be sedated. I think they've put her in a room with Ashley for now. It wasn't pretty."

"Emily? Sedated?" Derek had to repeat the words in order to try and understand them. "How's Ashley? How's JJ?"

Reid was the first to speak up, "Ashley is going to be fine. I talked to one of the medics and he explained that she was merely dehydrated. She also had some fairly deep lacerations on her wrists and ankles from being restrained for four days, but they are confident that they will heal just fine without any significant problems. They're going to put her on antibiotics to fight off the infection that has set in however."

"And Jayje?"

"We're not entirely sure," Hotch answered. "They had to rush her out of there immediately. She was in pretty bad shape and once we pulled Emily away from her, all hell broke loose. If I wasn't sure before about a developing relationship between the two of them, I am now."

"Aaron, there was nothing we could've done to stop that. Have you seen the way they look at each other?" Rossi asked.

"I've been trying not to."

"Do you think perhaps that someone should call Garcia?" Reid's soft spoken voice broke through the fog that had quickly fallen over them.

"We don't have any news on JJ. What would we even tell her?" Morgan asked.

"That we found her. That she's alive," the young genius suggested.

* * *

The brunette profiler felt as if she'd gone certifiably insane. Hours had passed and she had barely moved. She was still in the same squished up hospital bed they'd made her lie in after arriving at the hospital. Ashley was lying in the bed next to her, whimpering in her sleep as memories of what she'd seen battled around in her subconscious.

Emily wanted to get up, she wanted to find the team, and she wanted to know what had happened to JJ. But she didn't have the strength or the mental capacity to function at the moment. She bit at her lip until it drew blood as she attempted to ebb the tears that threatened to fall. This didn't feel real. Nothing felt right. Something felt like it was missing. And with that thought, she hoped with everything in her that JJ wasn't what was missing. She'd be able to feel something like that, right? If _Jennifer_  had died, she would know immediately. Her heart would feel broken and she wouldn't feel whole.

"Hey Princess."

Derek's voice startled her as she lifted her head to watch him enter the room, crutches tucked underneath his muscular arms.

"Hi," she whispered, not trusting herself to speak louder for fear that her voice would crack; fearing that she'd appear even more vulnerable and weak. Emily wasn't used to people seeing her like that, especially not the other members of her team. No one except  _Jennifer_  saw her like that. _  
_

"JJ's parents flew into D.C. a little less than an hour ago where Hotch had them and Garcia put on a jet to Florida. They should be here before nightfall." He paused, wondering if the brunette would say anything. When she didn't he continued, "JJ's still in surgery. We're waiting to hear more. Someone did come by about 10 minutes ago and splurged out some medical jargon that Reid only understood. She was… she is hurt pretty badly."

"Like what?" Emily wasn't sure if her question even made sense, but she needed to know more. What exactly had JJ gone through?

Luckily for the woman, Derek understood what she was asking. "We don't know everything. She has a lot of broken ribs and when the nurse came out to fill us in, they were still assessing all the damage. One of her lungs collapsed. Her spleen ruptured which caused her to lose more blood. They're going to have to do extensive surgery on her left arm as well and she'll most likely have to go through physical therapy, depending on the amount of nerve damage."

"I think I'm going to be sick," Emily said hastily as she felt the bile rising in her throat.

Morgan quickly reached for the trash can next to him and moved it closer to her as she began to vomit, his hand rubbing small circles on her back.

"I'm sorry," she stated as she straightened herself back up, her eyes watching Derek as he hobbled towards the sink and brought her back a few damp paper towels.

"Don't worry about it, Princess." He tried to hide the sadness in his voice as he offered the woman in front of him a small smile. She seemed so fragile, so small, tucked beneath the blankets on the bed. It was then that he realized she was still wearing her vest and traces of JJ's blood were still visible on her skin. "What do you say we get you some fresh clothes and then you can come sit with us in the waiting room if you'd like?"

Emily looked down at her hands, noticing the red tint they held. She'd honestly forgotten she was still strapped into the Kevlar vest. Actually, she recalled a nurse mentioning something to her multiple times about needing to change. But every time the woman came back in, Emily just sat there with a blank look on her face and ugly green scrubs still settled in her lap.

"Yeah, I think… I think that would be best."

* * *

It had been another three hours since the team had received any news regarding JJ. Hotch had been pacing the floor in the waiting room, practically wearing holes in the carpet while Rossi and Reid played card games. Every minute had seemed to stretch on for hours and none of them felt the effects of that more than Emily. Morgan had spent the time watching her closely, talking to her when he felt that she was needing it or placing a comforting hand on her knee. They'd all tried to get her to eat something or even drink something, but the brunette had refused. She hadn't even left the waiting room when a nurse came by to tell them that Ashley had woken up. Emily knew that she should go and see the redhead, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the waiting room. Reid had volunteered to go see JJ's niece instead, followed shortly after by Morgan and then Rossi. Hotch even stopped by her room for a few minutes to check on her. But Emily was unable to bring herself to go.

She didn't think she could look at Ashley right now. Even though her eyes were different, and her hair wasn't the same, the young woman resembled JJin so many ways. They had matching lips and the same perfect little nose. It would hurt too much to see Ashley, to see similarities to JJ when she looked at her. It was just something she'd have to apologize for later.

As the brunette sat there with her head pressed between her hands, she heard footsteps coming towards them all. Lifting her head, she looked hopefully at the doctor that had just arrived.

"Agent  _Jennifer_  Jareau?" the doctor said, glancing around as he pulled the cap from his head, wondering which of the team members he should address.

"Yes," they all said in unison, getting up from their various positions to walk towards him.

Emily's heart fell at the forlorn look on the doctor's face. "Please just tell me she's alive." She spoke the words aloud, not realizing she had. "Please."

" _Give all of us gathered here tonight the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable, and we will all, at some point in our lives... fall. We will all fall."_

_-Eric Taylor (Friday Night Lights)_


	24. Chapter 24

" _Don't be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything."_  


_-Carlos Ruiz Zafón (The Angel's Game)_

"It's a last resort," Dr. Nguyen, the surgeon that had operated on JJ, told the team as they all stood there in shock.

The man had rattled on about JJ's many injuries for at least 10 minutes before delivering the worst of the news. With 5 broken and fractured ribs, JJ was lucky that the only damage to her abdomen had consisted of a punctured kidney. Along with that, one of her lungs had collapsed and her spleen had ruptured. This combined with the laceration on her left arm caused her to lose a massive amount of blood, which was part of the reason she'd crashed on the table and they'd had to use the defibrillator to restart her heart. Even with all of that, JJ had proved to be resilient in the end, surviving what some considered to have been remarkable odds. Of course, that was just the good news.

Medically induced coma due to brain swelling. That's all Emily really heard. It was just a reminder that the woman she loved wasn't out of the woods just yet. The team had been assured that it was a necessary precaution due to the fluid buildup, most likely caused by too many blows to the head.

Emily just wanted this all to be over. Rescuing Jennifer from Matthew Petteway was supposed to fix everything. It was supposed to mean she was safe, that she would be coming home, back to the team, back to her son and back to Emily. But instead, they would all have no choice but to wait. And continue to wait until JJ was healed enough to officially rejoin the world.

"There are just so many risks," the brunette mumbled after Dr. Nguyen had walked away. She knew that dealing with the aftermath of what JJ went through wasn't going to be easy, but she certainly hadn't expected this. She hadn't prepared for this. All she wanted to do was stare into those blue eyes that she adored so much, to get lost in them as she held JJ's hand and comforted her after all she'd been through. She needed to see her, to touch her. She needed proof that she was alive. A coma wouldn't prove that.

Running a hand through her hair, she turned from the team, practically running down the hallway.

"Emily!" Morgan yelled after her, knowing that in his condition, there was no way he could catch her.

"I'll go," Reid stated solemnly as he followed the older agent, only reaching her once she'd made it outside. He looked around for a moment, knowing he'd seen her go this way, until he spotted her sitting on the nearest bench, puffing away on a cigarette that she'd snagged from another visitor. "That will kill you, ya know."

"Yeah, well so will this job," she responded bitterly. She saw how her words had stung the sensitive agent once again as his brow scrunched in concentration. "I'm sorry, Reid. I'm just frustrated. Angry." She paused momentarily to take another puff, breathing out the smoke with a slow exhale. "I'm lost. I feel lost." It was hard for her to admit something like that. She hated admitting something like that, but it was the truth. She needed JJ like she needed air. She literally felt like she couldn't breathe without her.

"They'll let you see her soon. She just needs a few hours of solitary recovery," he said simply. "Barbiturate-induced comas, while risky, are also a viable option for patients in JJ's condition. With the fluid building up in her brain she needs this. It's proven to reduce the metabolic rate of brain tissue as well as slow down cerebral blood flow. Dr. Nguyen is a well-known surgeon in the area and I have no doubt that he looked into every possible alternative before deciding on this. It will allow her to make a full recovery and…"

"But what about the side effects? I mean, I may not know much but I am well aware that it can also cause complications."

"While prevalent, only an estimated 25 percent of patients have to deal with obstacles such as an impaired immune response, gastrointestinal motility, difficulty…"

"Listen," Emily said, interrupting the young genius once again, "I really appreciate you coming out her to check on me and try to talk me through this, but I can honestly tell you that statistics aren't going to make me feel any better right now."

Reid simply nodded in response before he began fiddling with his hands. "That's all I know how to offer."

"And that's why we love you." A hint of a smile played on her features as she put out the cigarette and took one of his hands in her own. "But sometimes, just your company is nice. You really have helped me a lot these past few days. You know that, right? Thanks. For being you."

"Ah, thanks. I don't know how to be anyone else."

"Yeah, that's what I love about you. Now walk me back inside, handsome."

* * *

Garcia was a flurry of questions as soon as she entered the waiting room. The eccentric blonde was currently pacing back and forth as the rest of the team informed her, Jeanette and AJ on the ins-and-outs of JJ's condition.

The trio had just arrived less than 15 minutes ago with Jeanette and AJ anxiously awaiting answers as the technical analyst fired off question after question. It was beyond obvious that Jeanette had been crying, evidenced by her puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. Ever since she'd learned of her daughter's abduction, she'd been a frenzy of emotions. And once Garcia had told her that Ashley was also in the hands of said serial killer, she'd become inconsolable.

"When can we see her?" AJ asked, squeezing his wife's hand in his own as he fought back the tears that continued to burn his eyes. He wasn't the kind of man that was afraid to cry. He simply knew that one of them needed to be strong right now. Later on, when his wife was sleeping as soundly as possible, he'd let the tears fall. But, until then, he would be the pillar that Jeanette needed in which to stand, her shoulder to cry on, and her light in the darkness.

"The doctor said it'd be a few hours and even then, he's requesting no more than two visitors at a time," Hotch answered. "If you'd like, I can show you where Ashley's room is. I am sure she would love to see you."

JJ's parents followed the unit chief down the hallway while Garcia stayed back, allowing Morgan to wrap her in his arms as she sobbed relentlessly.

They stopped outside the door when they saw Emily sitting on the other side, rubbing her thumb over the back of Ashley's hands. Her lips were moving as they watched her whisper words to the sleeping girl.

"I'll leave the both of you to your privacy. If we hear anything regarding JJ, one of us will surely let you know," Hotch told them before AJ shook his hand and thanked him.

The two stood there in silence as they continued to stare at Emily and their granddaughter through the hospital room window.

"Do you think…" Jeanette couldn't even finish the question before she began crying again, dabbing at her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt before AJ enveloped her in his arms.

"It's okay," he lulled, his cheek resting against her hair as she buried her face into the crook of his neck. "Both of our girls are going to be fine. Ashley is stronger than we realize and Jenny has always been a fighter. You know that."

Jeanette mumbled incoherently into AJ's shoulder as he continued to rub his hands up and down her back. Everything would be okay. He had to have faith that they would all make it through this.

* * *

" _I've been worrying that we all live our lives in the confines of fear."_  


_-Ben Howard (The Fear)_

As soon as she and Reid had walked back into the hospital, Emily had excused herself, explaining that she was going to go visit Ashley. Part of her wasn't sure she was ready; ready to see someone that looked so much like Jennifer but in reality wasn't Jennifer. However, a much larger part of her felt guilty for having not already visited the redhead.

She walked into Ashley's hospital room, immediately letting out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding as she pulled a chair up next to the young woman's bed. She tried not to see JJ when she looked at Ashley. She tried not to look at her and compare all the ways that they looked the same. But she couldn't.

Emily grasped a sleeping Ashley's hand in her own and words began to tumble from her lips, her mind barely even registering what she was saying. It was a steady stream of apologies and promises, the same things that she was desperate to say to Jennifer.

"If only I'd been there," the brunette said, her voice dying down to a whisper, "I should've been there."

Tears glistened in her dark eyes as she rubbed her thumb across the soft skin of Ashley's palm. She'd only met the redhead a few times, but she had immediately felt a kinship with her, feeling as if she'd known her forever. It was the same love she held for all of the Jareaus, an unyielding adoration for them; for the way they accepted her without a thought, for the way they'd treated her like family from the first second they'd been introduced to her.

She only stopped her steady stream of confessions when she heard a soft knock at the door, followed moments later by AJ and Jeanette stepping through.

"Sorry to interrupt," AJ said sympathetically as the door clicked shut behind him.

"Oh, no need to apologize," Emily responded, wiping her eyes. "I was just leaving. You both need time with her. I should get going."

"No, Emily. Please stay," Jeanette begged before gripping tightly to the brunette's arm as she went to leave. "I'd really like it if you would stay."

Part of Emily wanted to leave. She didn't want to sit here and watch Jeanette cry while AJ continued to lavish her with hugs. Her heart literally couldn't take that right now.

But the other part of her—the part of her that missed JJ with an intensity she didn't know existed, wanted to stay here with them, with Ashley, with the people that she longed to call her family one day. She yearned to be comforted and loved, but she didn't need the comfort like they did. JJ was their family, their blood. She was a part of them and they were simply left here wondering if she was going to survive.

Jeanette had basically been a blubbering mess since arriving at the hospital. Her entire world had literally begun to crumble beneath her the day she had learned that JJ and Ashley had been taken. She'd spent countless hours worrying, sobbing, screaming and cursing. It was as if losing Alex hadn't been enough of a hit for the Jareau family; then JJ had been abducted… twice. Along with Ashley the second time. How would they ever hold their family together if they lost such an integral piece?

"It just isn't fair," Jeanette muttered, finally voicing what she'd been thinking. Without warning, she launched herself at a stunned Emily, wrapping her arms around her daughter's girlfriend. Her graying red hair fell over the profiler's shoulder as her body shook with sobs.

"Shh," Emily soothed, carefully enveloping JJ's mother in a hug. This was why she shouldn't be here. She'd never felt that she was very good at consoling people; the ambassador hadn't been the best example in that department. Emily Prentiss had spent her life comforting herself, being her own shoulder to cry on and she assumed people could tell that when they looked at her. She was a hard shell with sharp edges and dark corners. This is why, when others did look to her for solace, she wasn't sure how to offer it.

Being there for Jennifer was easy. Hugging her, kissing her, running her fingers through sunshine hair—that all came naturally. But this, with Jeanette, how did she handle it?

"Mimi? Pops?" Ashley's small voice spoke up as she roused from another fitful sleep. It was only after Jeanette had released her grip on Emily that Ashley even realized the profiler was there. "Emily, I… I didn't think you wanted to see me."

The brunette smiled softly at JJ's niece. "I just… I wasn't ready." The excuse sounded stupid, even to her own ears, but it was the truth and the only answer she had. "I'm going to give you all some time alone. Um, yeah. I'll, uh, stop by again later."

Before anyone had a chance to protest, Emily left Ashley's hospital room only to run straight into Penelope Garcia.

"Oh my God!" the technical analyst shrieked, taking a moment to realize who she'd stumbled into. "Sugarplum! I was just coming to get you."

"What happened? What's wrong? Is Jennifer okay?" Emily questioned frantically, her hands squeezing Garcia shoulders as they stood face to face.

"Pumpkin, please calm down. She's fine. Well, I mean, considering. But I was just coming to let you and the Jareaus know that they're allowing JJ to have visitors now."

"That's great." A relieved sigh escaped Emily's lips. "You have no idea how badly I need to see her," she replied, already beginning the trek to her girlfriend's hospital room.

"Em, wait!" Penelope called after her. "You can't go in just yet. The doctors are only allowing two at a time and they were worried that even that would be pushing it."

"Well, I'm sure one of the guys won't mind giving me just a couple of minutes with her. I just need to see her and then Derek, Reid or whoever can go back in. I have to see with my own two eyes that she's okay. You get that, don't you?"

"Of course I do, sweetie," Garcia stated emphatically. "But none of the team is in there with her." She paused, taking a few moments to study Emily's face. "Will arrived about 20 minutes ago. He was adamant about being the first one in. And, well he pulled a few magic strings, and Dr. Nguyen agreed to let him take Henry back as well. They don't normally allow children in the intensive care unit."

Without even giving the quirky all-knowing goddess a chance to say another word, Emily began rushing down the hall. She hadn't wanted Henry to see his mother like that. She'd prayed that he would never have to see her like that, and she knew that JJ wouldn't want him to either.

" _I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring."_  


_-Liz Armbruster_


	25. Chapter 25

" _There's a place that I know, it's not pretty there and few have ever gone. If I show it to you now will it make you run away?"_  


_-Kelly Clarkson (Dark Side)_

Will could hear the commotion outside of JJ's hospital room as he held a sleeping Henry in his lap. They wouldn't understand why he'd brought his son in here. They hadn't lived life in his shoes. They didn't know what it meant to feel like a single father for weeks at a time. They didn't know what it felt like to have your heart break into a thousand pieces as you watched your son beg and cry for his mama. They didn't know what it felt like to think you may be left to raise a child all on your own because his mother had been murdered.

"Ma'am, you can't go in there," someone yelled.

"Like hell I can't!"

He recognized her voice immediately. He'd known that Emily would be the first to pick a fight with him over bringing Henry to see JJ. So he wasn't the least bit surprised when the door flew open, revealing a frazzled Agent Prentiss. Part of him just expected her to immediately start screaming at him, but before he knew it, she'd laid eyes on JJ and it was as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Emily barely even registered that Will LaMontagne was in a chair next to the blonde's bed with a snoozing Henry curled up in his arms.

"Oh my God, Jennifer," she whispered as she took a cautious step forward. The younger woman's skin was covered in bruises as dozens of wires and IVs connected her fragile body to various machines.

Emily could hear the sound of Jennifer's heart beating, the rhythm slow and steady as it showed on the monitor. She was alive. She was breathing. And her heart… her heart was still beating. Putting a hand to her chest, the older agent felt the rapid rhythm inside of herself. It was as if her own heart had started beating again. Seeing JJ again, knowing that she had survived, was enough to immediately cause tears to spring to her eyes.

"Emily, I…" Garcia's voice dropped away as she entered JJ's hospital room. "Jayje. No." The fragile tech analyst tried not to cry as she looked at her battered best friend. She wasn't sure what she'd expected to see, but this wasn't it. She knew it was crazy to think that she'd walk in to see JJ all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, swatting away everyone as they cooed over her, thanking God that she was okay. But the scene in front of her was utterly horrifying. Bandages covered both of the media liaison's arms, the outlines of blood already seeping through her recently changed wounds. "This isn't real. It can't be real."

"Penelope," Will spoke up. "Would you mind taking Henry for a few minutes? I'd really like to speak with Emily, alone, if you don't mind."

The quirky blonde nodded meekly as she swooped her slumbering godson out of Will's arms and began the trek to the waiting room.

Emily had yet to move, her body frozen a few feet from her girlfriend's bed as she began to shake with sobs. How had she let this happen… again? She'd promised JJ that she would keep her safe and she'd failed. It had taken so much to get JJ back after what had happened with Hagin, but this, everything with Matt, was one thousand times worse. The damage that had been done to the young blonde could be irreparable.

"I'm so sorry, Jennifer," the brunette whispered as she stepped closer and placed her hand on top of JJ's. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there to protect you; that you had to go through this again. I'm sorry that I let him take you away and that he… that he—God, Jennifer. I'm so sorry."

She couldn't control it anymore and Emily quickly dropped to her knees, her cries echoing in the room as she squeezed JJ's hand in her own. The words  _I'm sorry_  continued to flow from her lips as her tears soaked the sheet that covered the woman she loved more than life.

Will wasn't holding up so well himself as he came up behind the agent, placing a hand on her shoulder. He felt her tense momentarily beneath his touch before she surprised him by turning around and throwing herself into his arms. His initial reaction was shock. While he didn't know Emily very well, he was fairly certain that she wasn't the kind of woman that counted on others for comfort.

"Everything is going to be okay, chère. JJ is a fighter," Will reassured Emily has he looped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him. It was what he'd do for Jennifer, so why not for the woman that she loved.

Wiping her eyes, Emily pulled away from him. "I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. I just can't—I can't stand seeing her like this. I'm not used to being unable to fix things, unable to help people. Especially her. And Henry."

He saw the way she looked at him when she said Henry's name, the anger in her eyes masked by sadness. It was obvious that she didn't want to fight with him, but the questions were evident.  _Why did you bring him here? JJ wouldn't want this._  He knew that. But it was what Henry wanted. Didn't that count for anything?

"I had to bring him, Emily. I need you to understand that. I'd been listening to him cry for too long and when I got the phone call that JJ was alive, that she had made it, I drove straight here from New Orleans."

"New Orleans… you had Henry in New Orleans and didn't tell anyone?"

"Who was I supposed to tell? His mother? That wasn't exactly possible. I just needed to get out of DC with him. I couldn't stay there when everything reminded me of JJ. So I brought him to  _my_ home, to the one place where I feel safe. I wanted Henry to feel that too because neither of us were okay in DC. I know that he's too young to understand what happened, but I think on some level, he felt it. He felt what I was feeling and I hated doing that to him. I hated myself for it."

"New Orleans, I understand. But here… this room. Can you imagine what seeing her like this is going to do to him?" Emily said, trying to remain calm and control the anger in her voice.

"But imagine what not seeing her was doing to him, Emily!" Will yelled unexpectedly. "The same thing it was doing to you, to me, to Penelope, to everyone. He missed her, dammit. And I wasn't going to continue to make him suffer."

* * *

It was two days later when the doctors finally decided to reduce JJ's medication, give her a chance to wake up. Her body was still fighting and Dr. Nguyen had assured everyone that the young agent would still be in a massive amount of pain when she awoke, but keeping her in a medically induced coma for too long would prove risky. And with everything Jennifer had been through, they didn't need any more unnecessary threats to her health.

Ashley was the one sitting in her room when JJ began to stir, whimpers coming from her mouth as she began to stretch and move. Her blonde hair was matted to her face as her blue eyes struggled to open. The redhead watched them flutter for a moment as she stood over her aunt; feeling slightly taken aback when they snapped open, revealing the pain that was housed within them.

"Aunt J," Ashley murmured as she ran a hand across the blonde's cheek, sweeping hair out of her face as she did. "Hi. It's me. It's Ash."

JJ opened her mouth to speak, but only managed a strangled moan as an unanticipated pain shot through her. The only thing she could do right now was cry. She could feel every stitch, every bruise, every broken rib… everything.

Not knowing what else to do, Ashley pushed the call button, immediately hearing nurses and doctors rushing down the hall. They'd all been anticipating this, hoping and praying that JJ would wake up soon.

"What happened? Is she awake?" a nurse asked frantically as she entered. She didn't wait for Ashley to answer as she walked towards JJ, followed moments later by Dr. Nguyen.

"Jennifer," the nurse said calmly. "How are you feeling? Can you talk to me?"

The only response was another groan as they began to go over her vitals while simultaneously poking and prodding, checking the injuries that her body had sustained.

* * *

" _I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"_  


_-Ernest Hemingway_

Waking up after being in a coma for two days was something JJ couldn't describe. Agony ripped through her body with every breath, and nothing seemed to fit together quite right. Everything was hazy. Every _one_  was hazy. She couldn't remember who she'd seen and who she hadn't. She had no idea how long she'd been awake and most of the time, it was difficult to determine if she really was awake.

It wasn't until one special person came through the doors to her room that everything started to clear. Her eyes immediately brightened and it became easier to ignore the massive amount of pain she was in.

She'd thought that she'd never get to see him again, but here he was. "Henry," she croaked as Will carried her son towards her, the little boys arms outstretched.

"Mommy!" he squealed before wiggling out of his daddy's grasp and running towards his mother. He stopped just before reaching her bed as his eyes scanned the IVs and wires hooked to her. "You hurt?" he asked.

JJ opened her mouth to speak, but a sudden searing pain shot through her body, causing her to squeeze her eyes shut and hold her breath. A groan escaped her as she moved a hand to her ribs.

"She's going to be alright, buddy," Will said to Henry as he bent down next to his son before placing his hand on top of JJ's. "Mommy has just been through a lot in the past few days. But they caught the bad man so that he can't hurt anyone anymore."

"You has owies," Henry cried to his mother as tears slid down his face and his lower lip trembled.

"Will," JJ whimpered, "Please take him. I don't…" She paused to take a shallow breath, trying to calm her racing heart. "I wanted to see him, but that was selfish."

Her ex nodded as he grasped his son's hand in his own, getting ready to lead him out of the room.

"No!" Henry wailed. "I want to stay with mommy! Please!"

The four-year-old quickly became a screaming crying mess as Will picked him up off the floor. Henry thrashed around in his arms in an attempt to get closer to his mother.

"Please, daddy!"

JJ swallowed the lump in her throat and bit back the pain as she reached out towards her squalling son. "Hey, little man," she whispered as he clutched on to her fingers. "You can come back soon. Okay? Mommy just needs to sleep."

"But I can sleep here," he begged, pulling on her arm and causing her to wince.

"I wish you could, baby." The blonde forced a smile before lowering her injured arm back to the bed. "How about you give me a big kiss… and then, go get some ice cream with Aunt Penny. Does that…" She had to pause again to breathe through the mind-numbing pain. "Does that sound like a good idea?"

Henry shook his head no as he continued to cry, but he knew that there was no more arguing. He leant down to place a sloppy wet kiss on JJ's cheek as Will lowered him to the bed.

Even though she knew it would cause more discomfort, JJ pulled her son into her arms, squeezing him as tightly as her broken body would allow. "I love you," she whispered, planting a soft kiss into his hair before Will gave her a small smile and carried their sobbing son out of the room.

It was only moments later that she pressed the button next to her, sending morphine straight into her system, allowing it to course through her veins as she drifted back into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Emily sat next to JJ's bed, biting at her nails as she watched the blonde begin to wake from an uncomfortable sleep. She felt her heart start to race at the thought of seeing her girlfriend's beautiful blue eyes again. Although JJ had awoken many times, Emily had always just missed the media liaison being up and coherent, rushing in every time just as the woman she loved fell back asleep.

"Jennifer," Emily cooed as those breathtaking sapphire eyes fluttered open and looked at her. She placed her hand on top of JJ's, only to be taken aback when the blonde pulled away. She attempted not to let the hurt show on her face, quickly shoving it into a compartment before bringing her fingers back towards her mouth, nibbling on the edges of them again.

"Hi Emily," JJ rasped, allowing a small smile to grace her lips. She'd never admit that she'd purposely doped herself up on morphine or pretended to sleep every time she heard someone say that the brunette was on her way to see her or anytime she heard Emily's voice coming down the hallway. She hadn't been ready to face her and she still wasn't, but she'd woken up to see her girlfriend sitting in the chair next to her and there was no getting out of it now. "How are you?"

"I should be the one asking you that," Emily said with a slight chuckle. "God, I missed seeing those eyes of yours." The brunette smiled hopefully, feeling confused when JJ's face portrayed no emotion beyond utter despair. She knew that the blonde had been through a lot and that the recovery time would seem endless compared to everything with Hagin, but she'd at least expected a smile; expected that the love of her life would be somewhat happy to see her.

"I can't do this right now, Emily," JJ said quietly. "Would you be upset if I asked you to go? I just… I need to be alone for a little while. Everyone keeps stopping by and… wanting to talk and I'm so tired. I don't want to talk."

"I can just sit here though," the profiler said. "I can just be here with you. We don't have to talk. It's just really good to see you… alive. Especially when I didn't know if you were gonna wake up. It's been so difficult on all of…"

"Emily, stop!" JJ yelled, more loudly than expected, causing her to go into a coughing fit. She pulled away once again as Emily reached for her, trying to comfort her. She didn't want to be touched, by anyone. "This is what I don't want. I don't want to hear what everyone else went through. It's all I've… listened to since I woke up. It's exhausting. I know that you guys went through so much and… and that you worried about me, but I can't be there for the team right now. I can't help you or Morgan or Reid or anyone else right now. So please just… just go."

The brunette felt the tears burning in her eyes as she stood from the chair, casting a downward glance at JJ before walking out the door. It was so difficult to resist the urge to kiss JJ or hug her or even hold her hand before she left. But the liaison had made it obvious that that wasn't what she wanted.

It wasn't until Emily had reached the chapel that she allowed the tears to begin to fall. Her body shook with sobs as she took a seat in the front pew, burying her face in her hands as JJ's words echoed through her head. Her girlfriend didn't want to see her, didn't want to be touched by her; hell, she didn't even seem to care about her anymore.

"Emily?"

Her head snapped up as she heard a voice come from behind her. She quickly wiped her eyes before turning to see who had entered the chapel. Immediately locking eyes with David Rossi, the brunette let the tears flow freely once again, feeling safe enough in his presence to cry instead of bottle up her emotions like she normally did.

"Hey, it's okay," he soothed as he slid into the pew next to her, draping an arm around her shoulders and placing a kiss into her silky jet black hair. "JJ is going to be fine." The older man continued to let Emily cry as he rubbed his hand along her arm, swaying gently as her tears began to soak through her shirt. He knew that the brunette had been going through an extremely challenging time since JJ had been abducted and he wasn't alarmed to see that Emily was falling apart right in front of him. He couldn't imagine what seeing JJ like that had done to her.

Emily sniffled as she finally pulled out of his embrace, accepting the handkerchief he handed to her as she dabbed at her eyes. "Why am I not surprised to see that you carry around a hanky?" she laughed lightly.

"I'm old, remember?" Rossi smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he placed a comforting hand on Emily's knee. "Feel better now? My mother always used to say that crying was good for the soul."

The brunette just scoffed. "Yeah, not exactly. JJ finally opened her eyes when I was in the room. And I was—God, it just made me so happy to see her awake, ya know. Then I reach for her, try to touch her, and she pulls away. Then asks me to leave."

Rossi tried, and failed, to hide the shock on his face. This wasn't exactly what he expected to hear.

"She didn't want to talk," Emily explained. "Which I completely understand so I offered to just sit there and I couldn't even do that. I needed to talk to her so I just kept blabbering on about how hard things had been without her before she yelled at me to just stop and…" She paused as she started to tear up again. "She could barely look at me Rossi. She didn't want me to even hold her hand and I just wanted to comfort her. What if she doesn't love me anymore?" The floodgate of tears opened once more as Emily allowed Dave to wrap her in his arms.

"Everyone loves you, kid. I don't know what makes you think JJ wouldn't."

" _When you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small."_  


_-Carrie Underwood (So Small)_

_**The End** _


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